"The Computer Store"

ABBOTT: Ultimate SuperDuper Computer Store. Can I
help you?

COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up a home office in the
den, and I'm thinking of buying a computer.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: No, the name is Bud.

ABBOTT: Your computer?

COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: I told you, my name is Bud.

ABBOTT: What about Windows?

COSTELLO: Why? Does it get stuffy?

ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?

COSTELLO: I don't know. What do I see when I look
out the windows?

ABBOTT: Wallpaper.

COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer
and software.

ABBOTT: Software that runs on Windows?

COSTELLO: No, on the computer! I need something I
can use to write
proposals, track expenses. You know, run a business.
What have you got?


ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend
anything?

ABBOTT: I just did.

COSTELLO: You just did what?

ABBOTT: Recommended something.

COSTELLO: You recommended something?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: For my office?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: Okay, what did you recommend for my office?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yes, for my office.

ABBOTT: Office for Windows.

COSTELLO: I already have an office and it already has
windows! Let's say
I'm sitting at my computer, and I want to type a
proposal. What do I need?

ABBOTT: Word.

COSTELLO: If I'm writing a proposal, I'm going to
need lots of words. But
what program do I load?

ABBOTT: Word.

COSTELLO: What word?

ABBOTT: The Word in Office.

COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.

ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.

COSTELLO: Which word in "office for windows?"

ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue W.

COSTELLO: I'm going to click your big W if you don't
give me a straight
answer. Let's forget about words for a minute. What
do I need if I want
to watch a movie over the Internet?

ABBOTT: RealOne.

COSTELLO: Maybe a real movie, maybe a cartoon. What
I watch is none of
your business. But what do I need to watch it?

ABBOTT: RealOne.

COSTELLO: If it's a long movie I'll also want to
watch reels two, three and four. Can I watch reel
four?

ABBOTT: Of course.

COSTELLO: Great! With what?

ABBOTT: RealOne.

COSTELLO: Okay, so I'm sitting at my computer and I
want to watch a movie.
What do I do?

ABBOTT: You click the blue 1.

COSTELLO: I click the blue one what?

ABBOTT: The blue 1.

COSTELLO: Is that different from the blue W?

ABBOTT: Of course it is. The blue 1 is RealOne. The
blue W is Word.

COSTELLO: What word?

ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.

COSTELLO: But there's three words in "office for
windows!"

ABBOTT: No, just one. But it's the most popular Word
in the world.

COSTELLO: It is?

ABBOTT: Yes, although to be fair there aren't many
other Words left. It
pretty much wiped out all the other Words.

COSTELLO: And that word is the real one?

ABBOTT: No. RealOne has nothing to do with Word.
RealOne isn't even part
of Office.

COSTELLO: Never mind; I don't want to get started
with that again. But I
also need something for bank accounts, loans, and so
on. What do you have
to help me track my money?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?

ABBOTT: No, not really. It comes bundled with your
computer.

COSTELLO: What comes bundled with my computer?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: Money comes bundled with my computer?

ABBOTT: Exactly. No extra charge.

COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer at
no extra charge?
How much money do I get?

ABBOTT: Just one copy.

COSTELLO: I get a copy of money. Isn't that illegal?

ABBOTT: No. We have a license from Microsoft to make
copies of Money.

COSTELLO: Microsoft can license you to make money?

ABBOTT: Why not? They own it.

COSTELLO: Well, it's great that I'm going to get free
money, but
I'll still need to track it. Do you have anything for
managing your money?

ABBOTT: Managing Your Money? That program
disappeared years ago.

COSTELLO: Well, what do you sell in its place?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: You sell money?

ABBOTT: Of course. But if you buy a computer from
us, you get it for
free.

COSTELLO: That's all very wonderful, but I'll be
running a business. Do
you have any software for, you know, accounting?

ABBOTT: Simply Accounting.

COSTELLO: Probably, but it might get a little
complicated.

ABBOTT: If you don't want Simply Accounting, you
might try M.Y.O.B.

COSTELLO: M.Y.O.B.? What does that stand for?

ABBOTT: Mind Your Own Business.

COSTELLO: I beg your pardon?

ABBOTT: No, that would be I.B.Y.P. I said M.Y.O.B.

COSTELLO: Look, I just need to do some accounting for
my home business.
You know -- accounting? You do it with money.

ABBOTT: Of course you can do accounting with Money.
But you may need
more.

COSTELLO: More money?

ABBOTT: More than Money. Money can't do everything.

COSTELLO: I don't need a sermon! Okay, let's forget
about money for the
moment. I'm worried that my computer might ... what's
the word? Crash.
And if my computer crashes, what can I use to restore
my data?

ABBOTT: GoBack.

COSTELLO: Okay. I'm worried about my computer
crashing and I need
something to restore my data. What do you recommend?

ABBOTT: GoBack.

COSTELLO: How many times do I have to repeat myself?

ABBOTT: I've never asked you to repeat yourself. All
I said was GoBack.

COSTELLO: How can I go back if I haven't even been
anywhere? Okay, I'll
go back. What do I need to write a proposal?

ABBOTT: Word.

COSTELLO: But I'll need lots of words to write a
proposal.

ABBOTT: No, you only need one Word -- the Word in
Office for Windows.

COSTELLO: But there's three words in... Oh, never
mind.

ABBOTT: Hello? Hello? Customers! Why do they always
hang up on me? Oh,
well. Ultimate SuperDuper Computer Store. Can I help
you?