Signs Your Cat is Overweight

Cat door retro-fitted with garage door opener.

He only catches mice that get trapped in his gravitational pull.

Enormous gut keeps your hardwood floors freshly buffed.

Confused guests constantly mistaking her for beanbag chair.

No longer cleans itself unless coated in Cheese Whiz.

Cat food dish replaced with Rush Limbaugh trough.

Luxurious, shiny black fur replaced with mint green polyester pants suit.

Always lands on her spleen.

Fewer calls to the fire department, but a sudden upsurge in broken branches.

Fifteen month gestation period, and still no kittens.

It's no longer safe to lift him without a spotter.

"Steals breath" from all five quintuplets, simultaneously.

Waits for the third bowl of food to get finicky.

Has more chins than lives.