Top Ten Things You Do Not Want To Hear On An Airplane
P.A. System

1. Mid-way across the Ocean: This is your Captain speaking, I
just wanted to take this time to remind you that your seat
cushions can be used as floatation devices.

2. Our loss of altitude allows a unique close up perspective of
the local terrain. I assure you that it's all part of our
airlines new commitment to make your a flight a sight seeing
extravaganza.

3. Goose! Bogey at 2 o'clock....one on our tail! Eject! Eject!

4. Fasten your seatbelt. (same tone your friend with the
suicidal driving tendencies uses when you get in the car)

5. This is your Captain speaking....these new planes are a lot
different than the ships I'm used to..so you'll have to give me
some leeway......

6. It would be a good idea if right now everyone closed their
shades and watched the inflight movie.

7. Drinks are on me...or I'll have what the Captain's having...

8. Hey capt'n, take another hit man...

9. Get the parachutes ready...

10. I'm sure everyones noticed the loss of an engine, however
the reduction in weight and drag will mean we'll be flying much
more efficiently now.