Bush Lays Off Congress; will Outsource Lawmaking to India
By Jay Slupesky
Washington - Citing the growing cost of running the Federal
government and the need to cut costs in order to reduce the budget
deficit, President Bush announced today that he was laying off all
535 members of Congress and transferring lawmaking operations to a
legislative support center in Bangalore, India. "Hey, outsourcing is
the way to go these days," said Bush at an impromptu news conference
where he announced the decision, adding, "the American people want
to see less government waste. Since every one of those
ex-Congressmen had a salary of $150,000, this move will cut our
costs by over $80 million per year, and that's not even counting
what we'll save on health insurance and retirement plans." Sources
indicate that the Indian replacements will be paid approximately
$250 per month.
The outcry from the newly laid-off Senators and Representatives was
swift. Ex-California Senator Diane Feinstein said, "This is
absolutely outrageous. How can a bunch of replacements over in India
run Congress? What do they know about filibusters and committee
hearings?" As she was being escorted out of the Hart Senate Office
Building by U.S. Capitol Police officers, Feinstein complained that
the newly-terminated lawmakers were only given ten minutes to clean
out their desks and leave the building.
"I think it's a great idea," said Vice President Dick Cheney,
speaking from a secure undisclosed location. "The American people
were fed up with that expensive do-nothing Congress which didn't
always give the President everything he asked for. Our new Indian
replacements will be much cooperative to the President, which is
what we all want." Asked whether the outsourcing may be
unconstitutional, Cheney noted, "That's up to the Supreme Court to
decide, but as you know, they usually see things our way."
The new members of Congress seem thrilled with the attention they
are receiving. Speaking from the offices of All-India Legislative
Support Centre Ltd. in Bangalore, new Mississippi Senator Ramchandra
Shektar Gupta told reporters, "The Indian people are very hard
working and we will do our best as U.S. Congressmen and
Congresswomen. And we are going to have some fun too. Just think: we
have $2 trillion of the American taxpayers' money to spend!"
http://www.fallcreek.com/jay/bushlaysoffcongress.html
By Jay Slupesky
Washington - Citing the growing cost of running the Federal
government and the need to cut costs in order to reduce the budget
deficit, President Bush announced today that he was laying off all
535 members of Congress and transferring lawmaking operations to a
legislative support center in Bangalore, India. "Hey, outsourcing is
the way to go these days," said Bush at an impromptu news conference
where he announced the decision, adding, "the American people want
to see less government waste. Since every one of those
ex-Congressmen had a salary of $150,000, this move will cut our
costs by over $80 million per year, and that's not even counting
what we'll save on health insurance and retirement plans." Sources
indicate that the Indian replacements will be paid approximately
$250 per month.
The outcry from the newly laid-off Senators and Representatives was
swift. Ex-California Senator Diane Feinstein said, "This is
absolutely outrageous. How can a bunch of replacements over in India
run Congress? What do they know about filibusters and committee
hearings?" As she was being escorted out of the Hart Senate Office
Building by U.S. Capitol Police officers, Feinstein complained that
the newly-terminated lawmakers were only given ten minutes to clean
out their desks and leave the building.
"I think it's a great idea," said Vice President Dick Cheney,
speaking from a secure undisclosed location. "The American people
were fed up with that expensive do-nothing Congress which didn't
always give the President everything he asked for. Our new Indian
replacements will be much cooperative to the President, which is
what we all want." Asked whether the outsourcing may be
unconstitutional, Cheney noted, "That's up to the Supreme Court to
decide, but as you know, they usually see things our way."
The new members of Congress seem thrilled with the attention they
are receiving. Speaking from the offices of All-India Legislative
Support Centre Ltd. in Bangalore, new Mississippi Senator Ramchandra
Shektar Gupta told reporters, "The Indian people are very hard
working and we will do our best as U.S. Congressmen and
Congresswomen. And we are going to have some fun too. Just think: we
have $2 trillion of the American taxpayers' money to spend!"
http://www.fallcreek.com/jay/bushlaysoffcongress.html
