Funny Jokes

9.26.2003

Segway Human Transporter - and Segway Recall Information


Segway recall information
Safety recall by Consumer Product Safety Commission
Segway LLC Recall to Upgrade Software on Segway® Human Transporters (September 26, 2003)
Recall Alert U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission Office of Information and Public Affairs Washington, DC 20207

September 26, 2003
CPSC, Segway LLC Announce Voluntary Recall to Upgrade Software on Segway™ Human Transporters
The following product safety recall was conducted by the firm in cooperation with the CPSC.
Name of Product: Segway Human Transporter (HT)
Units: Approximately 6,000
Manufacturer: Segway LLC of Manchester, New Hampshire

Famous Quotes Casserole Recipes Halloween Recipes Recipe

Christmas Funny Jokes Famous Quotes

9.23.2003

Why Men Are Just Happier People!

What do you expect from such simple creatures!?

Your last name stays put.

The garage is all yours.

Wedding plans take care of themselves.

Chocolate is just another snack.

You can be president.

You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.

Car mechanics tell you the truth.

You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just
too
icky.

Same work, more pay.

Wrinkles add character.

Wedding dress - $5000; tux rental - $100.

People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.

The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.

New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

One mood, ALL the time.

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

You know stuff about tanks.

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.

You can open all your own jars.

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be
your friend.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.

Everything on your face stays its original color.

Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

You almost never have strap problems in public.

You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.

You don't have to shave below your neck.

Your belly usually hides your big hips.

One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.

You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.

You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives, on December 24, in 45
minutes.


Famous Quotes Casserole Recipes Halloween Recipes Recipe

Christmas Funny Jokes Famous Quotes

9.21.2003

An Old Ghost's Face


Two guys left the bar after a long night of drinking, jumped in the car
and started it up. After a couple of minutes, an old man appeared in the
passenger window and tapped lightly. The passenger screamed, "Look at
the window. There's an old ghost's face there!" The driver sped up, but
the old man's face stayed in the window. The passenger rolled his window
down part way and, scared out of his wits, said, "What do you want?"

The old man softly replied, "You got any tobacco?" The passenger handed
the old man a cigarette and yelled, "Step on it," to the driver, rolling
up the window in terror.

A few minutes later they calmed down and started laughing again. The
driver said, "I don't know what happened, but don't worry; the
speedometer says we're doing 80 now." All of a sudden there was a light
tapping on the window and the old man reappeared.

"There he is again," the passenger yelled. He rolled down the window and
shakily said, "Yes?"

"Do you have a light?" the old man quietly asked. The passenger threw a
lighter out the window saying, "Step on it!"

They were driving about 100 miles an hour, trying to forget what they
had just seen and heard, when all of a sudden there came some more
tapping.

"Oh my God! He's back!" The passenger rolled down the window and
screamed in stark terror, "WHAT NOW?"

The old man gently replied, "You want some help getting out of the mud?"

Famous Quotes Casserole Recipes Halloween Recipes Recipe

Christmas Funny Jokes Famous Quotes

PREGNANCY Q & A & more!
Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.


Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.


Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
A: Childbirth.


Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's
borderline irrational.
A: So what's your question?


Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during
labor, but pressure. Is she right?
A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.


Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?
A: Right after you find out you're pregnant.


Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my
wife is in labor?
A: Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.


Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A: Yes, pregnancy.


Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?
A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.


Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and
act normal again?
A: When the kids are in college.


ESTROGEN ISSUES"
10 WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE "ESTROGEN ISSUES"
1.. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.
2. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet
3. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.
4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.
5. You're using your cellular phone to dial up every bumper sticker that says: "How's my driving-call 1- 800-"
6. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice.
7. Everyone seems to have just landed here from "outer space."
8. You can't believe they don't make a tampon bigger than Super Plus.
9. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.
10. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.


TOP TEN THINGS ONLY WOMEN UNDERSTAND
10. Cat's facial expressions.
9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors.
8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds.
7. Fat clothes.
6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time.
5. The difference between beige, ecru, cream, off-white, and eggshell.
4. Cutting your bangs to make them grow.
3. Eyelash curlers.
2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made.
AND, the Number One thing only women understand:
1. OTHER WOMEN


Famous Quotes Casserole Recipes Halloween Recipes Recipe

Christmas Funny Jokes Famous Quotes