Funny Jokes

10.07.2003


Salary Comparison

A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a Harley
motorcycle when he spotted a well-known heart surgeon in his shop.

The surgeon was waiting for the service manager to take a look at his
bike.

The mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey Doc, can I ask you a
question?"


The surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic working on
the motorcycle. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and
asked, "So Doc, look at this engine. I open its 'heart', take valves out,
fix'em, put'em back in; and when I finish, it works just like new...

So how come I get such a measly salary and you get t! he really big
bucks when you and I are doing basically the same kind of work?"

The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over, and whispered to the
mechanic, "Try doing it with the engine running."

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10.06.2003

Emergency Room Conversation



While visiting his niece, an elderly Uncle Geezer
had a heart attack. The niece drove wildly to
get him to the emergency room.

After what seemed like a very long wait, the E.R. doctor appeared,
wearing his scrubs and a
long face. Sadly, he said, "I'm afraid that your uncle's brain is dead,
but his heart is still
beating." "Oh, dear," cried the niece, her hands clasped against her
cheeks with shock, "We've
never had a Democrat in the family before."

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From: "v.capaldi"
Date: Sun Oct 5, 2003 8:30am
Subject: Never argue with a child?

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible
for a whale to swallow a human because
even though it was a very large mammal
its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that
a whale could not swallow a human;
it was physically impossible.
The little girl said,
"When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".
The teacher asked,
"What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied,
"Then you ask him".
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Kindergarten teacher was observing
her classroom of children while they drew.
She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently,
she asked what the drawing was?
The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."
The teacher paused and said,
"But no one knows what God looks like."
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing,
the girl replied, "They will in a minute."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Sunday school teacher was discussing
the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.
After explaining the commandment to "honor"
thy Father and thy Mother, she asked,
"Is there a commandment that teaches us
how to treat our brothers and sisters?"
Without missing a beat one little boy
(the oldest of a family) answered,
"Thou shall not kill."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One day a little girl was sitting and watching
her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink.
She suddenly noticed that her mother
has several strands of white hair
sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked,
"Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?"
Her mother replied,
"Well, every time you do something wrong
and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while
and then said, "Momma, how come
ALL
of Grandma's hairs are white?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The children had all been photographed,
and the teacher was trying to persuade them each
to buy a copy of the group picture.
"Just think how nice it will be to look at it
when you are all grownup and say
'There's Jennifer; she's a lawyer,' or
'That's Michael. He's a doctor.'
" A small voice at the back of the room rang out,
"And there's the teacher...
She's dead."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A teacher was giving a lesson
on the circulation of the blood.
Trying to make the matter clearer, she said,
"Now, class, if I stood on my head,
the blood, as you know, would run into it,
and I would turn red in the face."
"Yes," the class said. "Then why is it that
while I am standing upright in the ordinary position
the blood doesn't run into my feet?"
A little fellow shouted,
"Cause your feet ain't empty."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The children were lined up in the cafeteria
of a Catholic elementary school for lunch.
At the head of the table was a large pile of apples.
The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:
"Take only ONE. God is watching."
Moving further along the lunch line,
at the other end of the table was
a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note,
"Take all you want...
God is watching the apples.



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