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Two factory workers were talking. "I think I'll take some time off from work." said the man."

"How do you think you'll do that?" said the blonde.

He proceeded to show her...by climbing up to the rafters, and hanging upside down. The boss walked in, saw the worker hanging from the ceiling, and asked him what on earth he was doing.

"I'm a light bulb" answered the guy."

"I think you need some time off," said the boss. So, the man jumped down and walked out of the factory.

The blonde began walking out too. The boss asked her "Where do you think you're going?"

The blonde answered, "Home. I can't work in the dark".

Famous Quotations

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It

A man comes home from an exhausting day at work, plops down on the couch in
front of the television, and tells his wife, "Get me a beer before it
starts." The wife sighs and gets him a beer.

Fifteen minutes later, he says, "Get me another beer before it starts." She
looks cross, but fetches another beer and slams it down next to him. He
finishes that beer and a few minutes later says, "Quick, get me another
beer, it's going to start any minute."

The wife is furious. She yells at him "Is that all you're going to do
tonight? Drink beer and sit in front of that TV? You're nothing but a lazy,
drunken, fat slob, and furthermore..."

The man sighs and says, "It's started..."

TURKEY TALK:


What does a turkey like to eat on Thanksgiving?

Nothing; they are already stuffed!



What do you get when you cross a turkey with a centipede?

A drumstick for everybody!



What happened to the turkey that got in a fight?

He got the stuffing knocked out of him.



Why did the turkey bolt down his food?

Because he was a gobbler!



Why did the turkey go to the movie?

To see Gregory Peck!



Why did the turkey cross the road?

Because the chicken had the day off.



What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children?

If your father could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!



Why can't you take a turkey to church?

Because they use such FOWL language



Can a turkey jump higher than the Empire State Building?

Yes - a building can't jump at all



What do you get when you cross a turkey with an octopus?

Enough drumsticks for Thanksgiving



Which side of the turkey has the most feathers?

The outside



Why did they let the turkey join the band?

Because he had the drumsticks



Why did the police arrest the turkey?

They suspected it of fowl play



A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"

The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."



What do you call a bunch of turkeys playing football?

Fowl play!



Why was the turkey sent to the principal's office ?

He used "fowl" language!


FUNNIES:


Q. Why do we eat too much on Thanksgiving?

A. Because the turkey says gobble gobble gobble

Wired News | Bush Jokes About His Beer-Drinking Days: "GREER, S.C. (Reuters) - When President Bush talks about his drinking days, he usually speaks in serious tones and often with a moral lesson attached, but he found a chance to laugh about them on Monday.
During a meeting Bush held at a BMW vehicle factory in South Carolina with plant workers and suppliers, Spartanburg Steel Products President Stephen Thies told the president his company had an affiliate that was the only American maker of beer kegs.

'I quit drinking in '86, but I bet some of the people out here use the product,' Bush said. 'I'm not going to point out which ones.'

Thies said, 'Well, we did notice a dip in demand at that point in time.'"

Thanksgiving Recipes - Turkey Recipes

Chicken Recipes

A tale of California bull

You have a cow and a bull.
The bull is depressed.
It has spent its life living a lie.
It goes away for two weeks.
It comes back after a taxpayer-paid sex-change operation.
You now have two cows.
One makes milk; the other doesn't.
You try to sell the transgender cow.
Its lawyer sues you for discrimination.
You lose in court.
You sell the milk-generating cow to pay the damages.
You now have one rich, transgender, non-milk-producing cow.
You change your business to beef.
PETA pickets your farm.
Jesse Jackson makes a speech in your driveway.
Cruz Bustamante calls for higher farm taxes to help "working cows".
Hillary Clinton calls for the nationalization of 1/7 of your farm "for the
children".
Gray Davis had already signed a law giving your farm to Mexico.
The L.A. Times quotes five anonymous cows claiming you groped their teats.
You declare bankruptcy and shut down all operations.
The cow starves to death.
The L.A. Times' analysis shows your business failure is Bush's fault.

From Charlie, in Pahoa, somewhere West of Los Altos