Funny Jokes

11.24.2003

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11.23.2003

The Praying Dog.....

While leading the Friday evening services, the Rabbi noticed a member of the congregation, Bernie, walk in with a St. Bernard dog. The Rabbi, horrified, asked the Cantor to continue the service and went to talk to Bernie.

Rabbi: 'What are doing here with a dog?'

Bernie: 'The dog came here to pray.'

'Oh, come on.' says the Rabbi.

'YES!' says Bernie.

Rabbi: 'I don't believe you. You are just fooling around; that's not a proper thing to do in temple.'

Bernie: 'Its true!'..

'Ok', says the Rabbi (thinking he would call Bernie's bluff), 'then show me what the dog can do.'

'OK' says Bernie nodding to the dog...The dog proceeds to open up the barrel under his neck and removes a yarmulke, a tallis (puts them on his head) and prayer book and actually starts saying prayers in Hebrew! The Rabbi is so shocked he listens for a full 15 minutes.

When the Rabbi regains his composure, he is so impressed with the quality of the praying he says to Bernie. 'Do you think your dog would consider going to Rabbinical school??'

Bernie, throwing up his hands in disgust says, 'YOU TALK TO HIM! He wants to be a doctor!'

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Divorce Lawyer

A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.

His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'"

"But why?" asks the man.

"I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.

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When the new patient was settled comfortably on the couch, the psychiatrist began his therapy session. "I'm not aware of your problem," the doctor said. "So perhaps, you should start at the very beginning."

"Of course," replied the patient. "In the beginning, I created the Heavens and the Earth..."

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