Funny Jokes

1.03.2004

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12.31.2003

A Dog's New Year's Resolutions

I will not play tug-of-war with Daddy's underwear when
he's on the can.

2. I will remember the garbage collector is NOT stealing
our stuff.

3. I will not suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying
under the coffee table.

4. I will not roll my toys behind the fridge.

5. I will shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE
entering the house.

6. I will not eat the cat's food, before, or after, he
eats it.

7. I will stop trying to find new places on the carpet
when I am about to throw up.

8. I will not throw up in the car.

9. I will not roll on dead things.

10. I will stop considering the cat's litter box as a
cookie jar.

11. I will not wake up Mommy by putting my cold, wet nose
up her bottom end.

12 . I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell
them.

13. I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the
red ones, or my people will think that I am hemorrhaging.

14. When in the car, I will not insist on having the
window rolled down when it's raining outside.

15. I will not drop soggy tennis balls in the underwear of
anyone who is sitting on the can.

16. We do not have a doorbell. Therefore, I will not bark
each time I hear one on the television.

17. I will not steal my Mommy's underwear out of the
laundry basket and then dance all over the back yard with
them.

18. I will remember the sofa is not a face towel and
neither are Mommy's & Daddy's laps.

19. I will remember my head does not belong in the
refrigerator.

20. I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in
for Mommy's driver's license and car registration.

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12.30.2003

Partying Husbands
A man left for work one Friday afternoon. But, being pay-day, instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire pay check.

When he finally appeared at home, Sunday night, he was confronted by a very angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions. Finally his wife stopped the nagging and simply said to him.

"How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?"

To which he replied. "That would be fine with me."

Monday went by and he didn't see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results. But on Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye

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