REAL 911 CALLS

Dispatcher: Nine-one-one. What
is your emergency?
Caller: I heard what sounded
like gunshots coming from the
brown house on the corner.
Dispatcher: Do you have an
address?
Caller: No, I'm wearing a
blouse and slacks, why?
==============
Dispatcher: Nine-one-one. What
is your emergency?
Caller: Someone broke into my
house and took a bite out of
my ham and cheese sandwich.
Dispatcher: Excuse me?
Caller: I made a ham and
cheese sandwich and left it on
the kitchen table and when I
came back from the bathroom,
someone had taken a bite out
of it.
Dispatcher: Was anything else
taken?
Caller: No, but this has
happened to me before and I'm
sick and tired of it.
==============
Dispatcher: Nine-one-one.
Caller: Hi, is this the
police?
Dispatcher: This is 911. Do
you need police assistance?
Caller: Well, I don't know who
to call. Can you tell me how
to cook a turkey? I've never
cooked one before.
=============
Dispatcher: Nine-one-one. Fire
or emergency?
Called: Fire, I guess.
Dispatcher: How can I help you
sir?
Caller: I was
wondering.....does the Fire
Dept. put snow chains on their
trucks?
Dispatcher: Yes sir, do you
have an emergency?
Caller: Well, I've spent the
last 4 hours trying to put
these chains on my tires
and....well.... do you think
the Fire Dept. could come over
and help me?
Dispatcher: Help you .......
what?
Caller: Help me get these
chains on my car!
=============
Dispatcher: Nine-one-one. What
is the nature of your
emergency?
Caller: I'm trying to reach
nine eleven, but my phone
doesn't have an eleven on it.
Dispatcher: This is nine
eleven.
Caller: I thought you just
said it was nine-one-one
Dispatcher: Yes, ma'am
nine-one-one and nine-eleven
are the same thing.
Caller: Honey, I may be old,
but I'm not stupid.
=============
Dispatcher: Nine-one-one.
What's the nature of your
emergency?
Caller: My wife is pregnant
and her contractions are only
two minutes apart.
Dispatcher: Is this her first
child?
Caller: No, you idiot! This is
her husband
=============
Dispatcher: Nine-one-one
Caller: Yeah, I'm having
trouble breathing. I'm all out
of breath. Darn ... I think
I'm going to pass out.
Dispatcher: Sir, where are you
calling from?
Caller: I'm at a pay phone.
North and Foster. Damn ......
Dispatcher: Sir, an ambulance
is on the way. Are you an
asthmatic?
Caller: No
Dispatcher: What where you
doing before you started
having trouble breathing?
Caller: Running from the
police.