Busted

At New York's Kennedy airport today, an individual later discovered to be a
public school teacher was arrested trying to board a flight while in
possession of a ruler, a protractor, a setsquare, a slide rule, and a calculator.

At a morning press conference, Attorney general John Ashcroft said he
believes the man is a member of the notorious al-gebra movement.

He is being charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.

"Al-gebra is a fearsome cult," Ashcroft said.

"They desire average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off
on tangents in a search of absolute value.

"They use secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to themselves as
'unknowns,' but we have determined they belong to a common denominator
of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country.

"As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, 'There are three sides to
every triangle.' "

When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said: "If God
had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would
have given us more fingers and toes."