[arizona_humor] Kid's Puns of the Weat 7-20-04
KIDS PUNS OF THE WEAK for the week ending 07-20-04
JEST FOR KIDS * THE RIDDLES
How do you know a big train just passed?
I saw the tracks. (Betty Debnam: Mighty Funnies)
What did one cool ghost say to the other?
"Get a life, dude!" (Dennis, 10)
What did the prisoner say to the judge?
"Pardon Me." (Mike Benny)
Why did the firefighter call the police?
He saw the fire escape (Breena, 8)
Why was the zombie happy to be in court?
He was hoping the judge would give him a life sentence. (Esther, 9)
Why did the man bring his dog to the railroad station?
To train him. (Rosie O'Donnell)
What do you call a train loaded with taffy?
A chew chew train! (Lexi,10)
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a spider?
A hare net. (Rosie O'Donnell)
What did one plate say to the other plate?
Food's on me tonight! (Rachel,10)
Why was the clock in prison?
It was just doing time. (Mike Benny)
What happened to the egg when it laughed?
It cracked up! (Cesar,11)
How did the planetarium worker describe his work?
Heavenly (Jumble: Arnold & Argirlon)
What did the computer say when it bumped into the woman?
Excuse me modem (Jake, 10)
Which guy in the orchestra is always struck by lightning?
The conductor. (Jason Dias)
What did the spider do to the computer?
It made a web-page (Roey, 6)
What do you call an anxious green ogre?
A nervous shrek (Lesie, 12)
What did one skunk say to the other skunk when they were cornered?
Let us spray." (Daily Groaner)
'Why was the ghost given a bandage?
It had a boo-boo. (Rosie O'Donnell)
What did the depressed lake say to itself?
I'm not worth a dam. (Daily Groaner)
What did the big flower say to the little flower?
How are you, bud? (Meagan, 8)
Where do ghosts go to become pilots?
Fright-school! (Dennis,10)
What did one volcano say to the other?
I lava you! (Cameron, 11)
Where did the fish find a job?
In the kelp wanted ads (Drew, 7)
How do ugly ducklings live?
Swan day at a time. (Betty Debnam: Mighty Funnies)
What did the cat say when it got hurt?
"Me Ow" (Shyanne, 7)
What do you call a woman sitting between a can marked C and a can
marked F?
Candy (Jason Dias)
What did last night put an end to?
Another day (Jumble: Arnold & Argirlon)
What does a dog say when he sits on sandpaper?
Ruff, ruff! (Kids Jokes)
What is the difference between a teacher and a train engineer?
A teacher trains the mind, the engineer minds the train (Betty Debnam:
Mighty Funnies)
Why did Mickey Mouse go into space?
Because he wanted to find Pluto! (Joe, 12)
What's a caterpillar's worst enemy?
A dogerpillar (Daily Groaner)
Where does NASA report a missing satellite?
In the orbituary column (Stan Kegel)
What has eight legs and goes up and down?
` A spider in an elevator. (Daily Groaner)
What do you call cheese that isn't yours?
Na-cho cheese! (Britney, 11)
What type of dog has no tail?
A hot dog! (Kids Jokes)
Why did the lion spit out the clown?
Because he tasted funny. (Rosie O'Donnell)
What animal should you never play cards with?
A cheetah. (Rosie O'Donnell)
What is a rock's favorite cereal?
Coco-pebbles! (Nicole, 10)
What do you call money for the pay toilet?
Johnny Cash. (Daily Groaner)
JEST FOR KIDS * THE PUNS
A bill collector came to my house the other day, so I gave him a huge
stack of old bills. (Michael Rogers)
Writers under pressure are, at present, tense (Mike Bull)
When I heard she bought me a new CD, it was music to my ears.(Pun of
the Day)
An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to
look at either. (Moni)
Their guest bed feels like a rock. It creates a lot of hard feelings.
(Pun of the Day)
If the mint makes 25 cent pieces it should expect quarterly profits
(Pun of the Day)
Shepherds sometimes have staff meetings. (Tony Thoennes)
A salesman was trying to talk a farmer into buying a bicycle, but he
was meeting with considerable sales resistance. "Shucks, I'd sooner
spend my money on a cow," said the farmer. "Ah," replied the salesman,
"but think how silly you'd look riding around on a cow." "Humph!"
retorted the farmer. "Not nearly as silly as I'd look trying to milk a
bicycle!" (Sydes)
The proposed new reality show is about dancing ducks. Waddle they think
of next (Norm Gilbert)
Have you heard of the chauffeur who drove everyone round the bend?
(Joan DeGrave)
Their guest bed feels like a rock. It creates a lot of hard feelings.
(Pun of the Day)
The chicken went to the middle of the road. She was going to lay it on
the line. (Mike Bull)
Perfume makers are dissented. (Douglas Helsel)
I was going to go sailing and went shopping for a hat but started to
reconsider when they gave me a stern look and asked for my capsize.
Then I went shopping for a boat trying to find one on sail. I found one
with a leak in the back, which was a stern warning. (Mike Bull)
"Have you ever seen a catfish?" "Yes, I have," "How did it hold the
rod?" (Bruce A. G. Calder)
Have you heard of the milliner who talked through his hat? (Joan
DeGrave)
Cooks are deranged. (Douglas Helsel)
Some music stores are in a CD part of town (Pun of the Day)
Have you heard of the banker who was pennywise and pound-foolish?
(Joan DeGrave)
The author that was charged with plagiarism was sentenced. (Tiff
Wimberly)
Programmers are decoded. (Douglas Helsel)
Eating chocolate chips in bed can create a cookie sheet. (Jumble:
Arnold & Argirlon)
At a music store: 'hear here'. They sold note paper. It was a 'sound'
business practice. Sometimes the store didn't sell enough and got into
treble, which made their earnings a real clef-hanger. Usually by the
end of the month they were clarinet up. Once they were robbed, and
someone made away with the lute. However the robber tripped and had an
accidental. He didn't C sharp. (Mike Bull)
"Waiter, this soup tastes funny!"
"Then why aren't you laughing?" (Kevin, 11)
PUNS IN THE COMICS
âMy uncle died one ear ago. What seems to be the delay in settling his
estate?â âBe patient, Mr. Fishhawk. Where thereâs a will thereâs a
wait.â (Shoe: Cassett & Brookins)
Executive Travel Agency âEgo trips our specialtyâ (Cartoon Stock:
Schwarkan)
Xerox never does anything original (Graffiti: Gene Mora
Baseball player at the plate receiving Heimlich maneuver: "There it is
â a big wad of gum. I swear every time Ted gets up to bat with runners
in scoring position, he chokes." (In the Bleachers: Steve Moore)
âItâs disgusting. Someone knocked a big hole in the fence around the
nudest colony.â âDonât worry, Maâam. Iâll look into it personally!â
(Shoe: Cassett & Brookins)
Today's cities suffer from hardening of the traffic arteries.
(Graffiti: Gene Mora)
"How about a good night kiss?" "Are you nuts? Do you have any idea how
many germs there are in an average kiss?" "Don't worry, my dear, my
kisses are way below average. (Shoe: Cassett & Brookins)
Today we visit Ernie Von Shoot to talk about some of his recent films:
And now you're planning an Arnold Schwarzenegger film in which his job
gets outsourced!" "Yes, I'll call it 'The Terminated'!" (Frank &
Ernest: Bob Thaves)
âItâs a known fact that monkeys have the worst breath in the world.
Havenât you heard of Scopeâs monkey trial? Some chimpâs breath was so
bad that a mouthwash company sued him.â (Get Fuzzy: Darby Conley)
âWheeling out a corpse: âWhat happened here, detective?â âPlacebo
overdose.â âYeah, weâre pretty sure he only thinks heâs dead.â (Pardon
My Planet: Vic Lee)
When the meek inherit the earth, will it include real estate tax?
(Graffiti: Gene Mora)
An eighty dollar green fee! I haven't even teed-off yet and I'm already
in the hole. (Frank & Ernest: Bob Thaves)
Mine shaft: "Hey, that kid works here? He must be twelve years old!
What about child labor laws?" "Don't worry. He's a coal minor." (Mike
Donovan)
Today we visit Ernie Von Shoot to talk about some of his recent films:
"A documentary with two cosmetic surgeons battling to be best." "Scar
Wars"! (Frank & Ernest: Bob Thaves)
Old quarterbacks never die, they just passaway (Graffiti: Gene Mora)
"What's that stuff?" "I was at a health spa. So I bought some cucumber
soap." "Really? I thought you just rinsed those things off." (Shoe:
Cassett & Brookins)
"We need a title for the Tom Hanks movie about the guy living in an
airport." "Hide in Plane Site"! (Frank & Ernest: Bob Thaves)
"I just love to sleep in on Sundays. how late do you sleep on Sundays,
Winnie?" "Depends on how long the sermon goes." (Flo & Friends: Gibel &
Campbell)
But if John the Baptist was Jesus' Cousin, wouldn't God be John's
uncle? (Family Circle: Jeff & Bill Keane)
Support your local hernia (Graffiti: Gene Mora)
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JEST FOR KIDS * THE RIDDLES
How do you know a big train just passed?
I saw the tracks. (Betty Debnam: Mighty Funnies)
What did one cool ghost say to the other?
"Get a life, dude!" (Dennis, 10)
What did the prisoner say to the judge?
"Pardon Me." (Mike Benny)
Why did the firefighter call the police?
He saw the fire escape (Breena, 8)
Why was the zombie happy to be in court?
He was hoping the judge would give him a life sentence. (Esther, 9)
Why did the man bring his dog to the railroad station?
To train him. (Rosie O'Donnell)
What do you call a train loaded with taffy?
A chew chew train! (Lexi,10)
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a spider?
A hare net. (Rosie O'Donnell)
What did one plate say to the other plate?
Food's on me tonight! (Rachel,10)
Why was the clock in prison?
It was just doing time. (Mike Benny)
What happened to the egg when it laughed?
It cracked up! (Cesar,11)
How did the planetarium worker describe his work?
Heavenly (Jumble: Arnold & Argirlon)
What did the computer say when it bumped into the woman?
Excuse me modem (Jake, 10)
Which guy in the orchestra is always struck by lightning?
The conductor. (Jason Dias)
What did the spider do to the computer?
It made a web-page (Roey, 6)
What do you call an anxious green ogre?
A nervous shrek (Lesie, 12)
What did one skunk say to the other skunk when they were cornered?
Let us spray." (Daily Groaner)
'Why was the ghost given a bandage?
It had a boo-boo. (Rosie O'Donnell)
What did the depressed lake say to itself?
I'm not worth a dam. (Daily Groaner)
What did the big flower say to the little flower?
How are you, bud? (Meagan, 8)
Where do ghosts go to become pilots?
Fright-school! (Dennis,10)
What did one volcano say to the other?
I lava you! (Cameron, 11)
Where did the fish find a job?
In the kelp wanted ads (Drew, 7)
How do ugly ducklings live?
Swan day at a time. (Betty Debnam: Mighty Funnies)
What did the cat say when it got hurt?
"Me Ow" (Shyanne, 7)
What do you call a woman sitting between a can marked C and a can
marked F?
Candy (Jason Dias)
What did last night put an end to?
Another day (Jumble: Arnold & Argirlon)
What does a dog say when he sits on sandpaper?
Ruff, ruff! (Kids Jokes)
What is the difference between a teacher and a train engineer?
A teacher trains the mind, the engineer minds the train (Betty Debnam:
Mighty Funnies)
Why did Mickey Mouse go into space?
Because he wanted to find Pluto! (Joe, 12)
What's a caterpillar's worst enemy?
A dogerpillar (Daily Groaner)
Where does NASA report a missing satellite?
In the orbituary column (Stan Kegel)
What has eight legs and goes up and down?
` A spider in an elevator. (Daily Groaner)
What do you call cheese that isn't yours?
Na-cho cheese! (Britney, 11)
What type of dog has no tail?
A hot dog! (Kids Jokes)
Why did the lion spit out the clown?
Because he tasted funny. (Rosie O'Donnell)
What animal should you never play cards with?
A cheetah. (Rosie O'Donnell)
What is a rock's favorite cereal?
Coco-pebbles! (Nicole, 10)
What do you call money for the pay toilet?
Johnny Cash. (Daily Groaner)
JEST FOR KIDS * THE PUNS
A bill collector came to my house the other day, so I gave him a huge
stack of old bills. (Michael Rogers)
Writers under pressure are, at present, tense (Mike Bull)
When I heard she bought me a new CD, it was music to my ears.(Pun of
the Day)
An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to
look at either. (Moni)
Their guest bed feels like a rock. It creates a lot of hard feelings.
(Pun of the Day)
If the mint makes 25 cent pieces it should expect quarterly profits
(Pun of the Day)
Shepherds sometimes have staff meetings. (Tony Thoennes)
A salesman was trying to talk a farmer into buying a bicycle, but he
was meeting with considerable sales resistance. "Shucks, I'd sooner
spend my money on a cow," said the farmer. "Ah," replied the salesman,
"but think how silly you'd look riding around on a cow." "Humph!"
retorted the farmer. "Not nearly as silly as I'd look trying to milk a
bicycle!" (Sydes)
The proposed new reality show is about dancing ducks. Waddle they think
of next (Norm Gilbert)
Have you heard of the chauffeur who drove everyone round the bend?
(Joan DeGrave)
Their guest bed feels like a rock. It creates a lot of hard feelings.
(Pun of the Day)
The chicken went to the middle of the road. She was going to lay it on
the line. (Mike Bull)
Perfume makers are dissented. (Douglas Helsel)
I was going to go sailing and went shopping for a hat but started to
reconsider when they gave me a stern look and asked for my capsize.
Then I went shopping for a boat trying to find one on sail. I found one
with a leak in the back, which was a stern warning. (Mike Bull)
"Have you ever seen a catfish?" "Yes, I have," "How did it hold the
rod?" (Bruce A. G. Calder)
Have you heard of the milliner who talked through his hat? (Joan
DeGrave)
Cooks are deranged. (Douglas Helsel)
Some music stores are in a CD part of town (Pun of the Day)
Have you heard of the banker who was pennywise and pound-foolish?
(Joan DeGrave)
The author that was charged with plagiarism was sentenced. (Tiff
Wimberly)
Programmers are decoded. (Douglas Helsel)
Eating chocolate chips in bed can create a cookie sheet. (Jumble:
Arnold & Argirlon)
At a music store: 'hear here'. They sold note paper. It was a 'sound'
business practice. Sometimes the store didn't sell enough and got into
treble, which made their earnings a real clef-hanger. Usually by the
end of the month they were clarinet up. Once they were robbed, and
someone made away with the lute. However the robber tripped and had an
accidental. He didn't C sharp. (Mike Bull)
"Waiter, this soup tastes funny!"
"Then why aren't you laughing?" (Kevin, 11)
PUNS IN THE COMICS
âMy uncle died one ear ago. What seems to be the delay in settling his
estate?â âBe patient, Mr. Fishhawk. Where thereâs a will thereâs a
wait.â (Shoe: Cassett & Brookins)
Executive Travel Agency âEgo trips our specialtyâ (Cartoon Stock:
Schwarkan)
Xerox never does anything original (Graffiti: Gene Mora
Baseball player at the plate receiving Heimlich maneuver: "There it is
â a big wad of gum. I swear every time Ted gets up to bat with runners
in scoring position, he chokes." (In the Bleachers: Steve Moore)
âItâs disgusting. Someone knocked a big hole in the fence around the
nudest colony.â âDonât worry, Maâam. Iâll look into it personally!â
(Shoe: Cassett & Brookins)
Today's cities suffer from hardening of the traffic arteries.
(Graffiti: Gene Mora)
"How about a good night kiss?" "Are you nuts? Do you have any idea how
many germs there are in an average kiss?" "Don't worry, my dear, my
kisses are way below average. (Shoe: Cassett & Brookins)
Today we visit Ernie Von Shoot to talk about some of his recent films:
And now you're planning an Arnold Schwarzenegger film in which his job
gets outsourced!" "Yes, I'll call it 'The Terminated'!" (Frank &
Ernest: Bob Thaves)
âItâs a known fact that monkeys have the worst breath in the world.
Havenât you heard of Scopeâs monkey trial? Some chimpâs breath was so
bad that a mouthwash company sued him.â (Get Fuzzy: Darby Conley)
âWheeling out a corpse: âWhat happened here, detective?â âPlacebo
overdose.â âYeah, weâre pretty sure he only thinks heâs dead.â (Pardon
My Planet: Vic Lee)
When the meek inherit the earth, will it include real estate tax?
(Graffiti: Gene Mora)
An eighty dollar green fee! I haven't even teed-off yet and I'm already
in the hole. (Frank & Ernest: Bob Thaves)
Mine shaft: "Hey, that kid works here? He must be twelve years old!
What about child labor laws?" "Don't worry. He's a coal minor." (Mike
Donovan)
Today we visit Ernie Von Shoot to talk about some of his recent films:
"A documentary with two cosmetic surgeons battling to be best." "Scar
Wars"! (Frank & Ernest: Bob Thaves)
Old quarterbacks never die, they just passaway (Graffiti: Gene Mora)
"What's that stuff?" "I was at a health spa. So I bought some cucumber
soap." "Really? I thought you just rinsed those things off." (Shoe:
Cassett & Brookins)
"We need a title for the Tom Hanks movie about the guy living in an
airport." "Hide in Plane Site"! (Frank & Ernest: Bob Thaves)
"I just love to sleep in on Sundays. how late do you sleep on Sundays,
Winnie?" "Depends on how long the sermon goes." (Flo & Friends: Gibel &
Campbell)
But if John the Baptist was Jesus' Cousin, wouldn't God be John's
uncle? (Family Circle: Jeff & Bill Keane)
Support your local hernia (Graffiti: Gene Mora)
------------------------ Yahoo! Groups Sponsor --------------------~-->
Yahoo! Domains - Claim yours for only $14.70
http://us.click.yahoo.com/Z1wmxD/DREIAA/yQLSAA/ZkgolB/TM
--------------------------------------------------------------------~->
Humor Sites
********************************************
If you got this from someone else subscribe at:
Arizona Humor
or send an email to:
arizona_humor-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Silly Stories
Famous Quotes
Famous Quotes
Funny Quotes
Love Quotes
Yahoo! Groups Links
<*> To visit your group on the web, go to:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/arizona_humor/
<*> To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
arizona_humor-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
<*> Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to:
http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/
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