[arizona_humor] power outage --- 4 all the women who need a good laugh

I know my memory's fading.  I actually kept my mammogram appointment.  I
chose a seat next to a man and his wife in the waiting room.  Both the chairs
and
conversations were so comfortable that before long I'd totally forgotten why
I
was there and asked the man.  "So...what are you here for?"


Talk about a show stopper.  Dead silence, just as "Nurse Ratchet" announced
my name in her best baritone voice.  I thought, "Great..a name to match the
idiot."


I rushed past the giggles and hurried after the angel of no mercy.  Rounding
the corner, I was met with, "Hi! I'm Belinda!"  This perky clipboard carrier
smiled from ear to ear, tilted her head to one side and crooned, "All I need
you to do is step into this room right hereee, strip to the waist, thennnn
slip
on this gown.  Everything clearrrr?"


I'm thinking, "Belinda...try decaf.  This ain't rocket science."  Belinda
skipped away to prepare the chamber of horrors.  Call me crazy, but I suspect
a
man invented this machine.  It takes a perfectly healthy cup size of 36-B to
a
size 38-LONG in less than 60 seconds.  Also, girls aren't made of sugar and
spice and everything nice...it's Spandex.  We can be stretched, pulled and
twisted over a cold 4-inch piece of square glass and still pop back into
shape.


With the right side finished, Belinda flipped me (literally) to the left and
said, "Hmmmm.  Can you stand on your tippy toes and move in a tad so we can
get everything?"  Fine, I answered.  I was freezing, bruised and out of air,
so
why not use the remaining circulation in my legs and neck and finish me off?


My body was in a holding pattern that defied gravity when we heard, then
felt, "zap!"  Complete darkness.  "What?" I yelled. "Oh, maintenance is
working. 
Bet they hit a snag."


Belinda headed for the door.  "Excuse me!  You're not leaving are you?" I
shouted.  Belinda kept going and said, "Oh, you fussy puppy.... the door's
wide op
en so you'll have the emergency hall lights.  I'll be righttttt backkkk!"


Before I could shout "NO!", she disappeared.  And that's exactly how Bubba
and Earl, maintenance men extraordinaire, found me, half-naked and parts of
me
dangling from the Jaws of Life.  After exchanging polite, "Hi, how's it
going,"
type greetings, Bubba (or possibly Earl) asked, to my utter disbelief, if I
knew the power was off.


Trying to disguise my hysteria, I replied with as much calmness as possible.
"Uh, yes...yes, we did, thanks."


"You bet, take care," Bubba replied and waved good-bye as though we'd been
standing in the line at the grocery store.


Two hours later, Belinda breezes in wearing a sheepish grin and making no
attempt to suppress her amusement, she said. "Oh, I am soooo sorry!  The
power
came back on and I so totally forgot about you!  And silly me, I went to
lunch. 
Are we upset?"


And that, Your Honor, is exactly how her head ended up between the clamps...



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