Funny Jokes

8.11.2004

arizona humor Dear Abby

Dear Abby,
A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a
middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her
mid-twenties. These two women go everywhere together and I've
never seen a man go into their apartment or come out. Do you
think they could be Lebanese?
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Dear Abby,
I have a man I never could trust. He cheats so much
I'm not even sure this baby I'm carrying is his.
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Dear Abby,
I am a 23-year-old liberated woman who has been on the pill for two
years. It's getting expensive and I think my boyfriend should share
half the cost, but I don't know him well enough to discuss money with him.
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Dear Abby,
I suspected that my husband had been fooling around, and when I
confronted him with the evidence he denied everything and said it would
never happen again.
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Dear Abby,
Our son writes that he is taking Judo. Why would a boy who was raised
in a good Christian home turn against his own?
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Abby,
I joined the Navy to see the world. I've seen it. Now how do I get out?
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Dear Abby,
My 40-year-old son has been paying a psychiatrist $50 an hour every
week for two-and-a-half years. He must be crazy.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Abby,
I was married to Bill for three months and I didn't know he drank until
one night he came home sober.
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Dear Abby,
Do you think it would be all right if I gave my doctor a little gift? I
tried for years to get pregnant and couldn't and he finally did it.
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Dear Abby,
My mother is mean and short-tempered. I think she is going through her
mental pause.
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Dear Abby,
Then you told some woman whose husband had lost all interest in sex to
send him to a doctor. Well, my husband lost all interest in sex years
ago and he is a doctor.
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Dear Abby,
My boyfriend is going to be 20 years old next month. I'd like to give
him something nice for his birthday. What do you think he'd like? --
Carol


Dear Carol,
Never mind what he'd like. Give him a tie.
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Dear Abby,
Our son was married in January. Five months later his wife had a
ten-pound baby girl. They said the baby was premature. Tell me, can a
baby this big be that early? -- Wondering

Dear Wondering,
The baby was on time, the wedding was late. Forget it.
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Dear Abby,
I know boys will be boys, but my 'boy' is 73 and he's still chasing
women. Any suggestions? -- Annie

Dear Annie,
Don't worry. My dog has been chasing cars for years, but if he ever
caught one, he wouldn't know what to do with it.
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Dear Abby,
I have always wanted to have my family history traced, but I can't
afford to spend a lot of money to do it. Any suggestions? -- Sam

Dear Sam,
Yes. Run for public office.
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Dear Abby,
What inspires you most to write? -- Ted

Dear Ted,
The Bureau of Internal Revenue.
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Dear Abby,
I am 44 years old and I would like to meet a man my age with no bad
habits.-- Rose

Dear Rose,
So would I.
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Dear Abby,
What's the difference between a wife and a mistress? -- Bess

Dear Bess,
Night and day.



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