arizona humor More Groaners for week of August 16, 2004

Before performing a baptism, the priest approached the young father
and said solemnly, "Baptism is a serious step. Are you prepared for it?"
"I think so," the man replied. "My wife has made appetizers and we
have a caterer coming to provide plenty of cookies and cakes for all of
our guests."
"I don't mean that," the priest responded. "I mean, are you prepared
spiritually?"
"Oh, sure," came the reply. "I've got a keg of beer and a case of
whiskey."

*******************************************************************

Two lawyers, Frank and Harry, meet for a drink. Frank says, "You
know what happened? An angel was sent down to compile a list
of the dishonest lawyers on earth. Six months later he dragged
himself back to Heaven, exhausted. `Believe me,' he told God,
`it'd be easier if I just made note of all of the honest lawyers
on earth. In fact, I think I could do that in a weekend.' God said,
`Fine.' Come Monday morning, the angel turned in his list and
God said, `That's terrific. Now I think you should send all the
lawyers on this list a note of congratulations.'"
Frank pauses and sips his Scotch. Then he says, "There was a
postscript to the angel's note. You know what it was?"
Harry says, "No."
"Aha! So you didn't get one either!"

*******************************************************************

A lawyer's wife dies. At the cemetery, people are appalled to see
that the tombstone reads, "Here lies Phyllis, wife of Murray, L.L.D.,
Wills, Divorce, Malpractice."
Suddenly, Murray bursts into tears. His brother says, "You should
cry, pulling a stunt like this!"
Through his tears, Murray croaks, "You don't understand! They left
out the phone number!"

*******************************************************************

A kindergartner was practicing spelling with magnetic letters on the
refrigerator: cat, dog, dad, and mom had been proudly displayed for all
to see. One morning while getting ready for the day, he bounded into
the room with his arms outstretched. In his hands were three magnetic
letters: G-O-D.
"Look what I spelled, Mom!" with a proud smile on his face.
"That's wonderful!" his mom praised him. "Now go put them on the
fridge so Dad can see when he gets home tonight."
The mom happily thought that her son's Catholic education was
certainly having an impact.
Just then, a little voice called from the kitchen: "Mom? How do you
spell `zilla'?"

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