arizona humor More Groaners

More Groaners

The reason so few women are politicians is that it’s too much trouble
to put makeup on two faces.



With his platoon at attention, the drill instructor yelled, “All right!
All you dummies fall out.” As the rest of the recruits walked away,
one man remained at rigid attention. The drill instructor walked over
until he was eye to eye with the man, raising just a single eyebrow. The
recruit smiled and said “Sure was a lot of ‘em, huh, sir?”



Three buddies die in a car crash, and find themselves at an orientation
in Heaven. Each man is asked, “When you are lying in your casket and
friends and family are mourning, what would you most like to hear them
say about you?”

The first man says, “I’d like to hear them say that I was a great
doctor and family man.”

The second man says, “I’d like to hear that I was a wonderful husband
and father, and a school teacher who made a huge difference in
children’s lives.”

The third man says, “I’d like to hear them say, ‘Look! He’s moving!’ ”



The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for 30 years she
served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been
found.



A young girl asked her father if all fairy tales begin with “Once Upon
A Time?” “No,” he replied. A whole lot of them begin with “If elected
I promise…”



A young man watched an elderly couple sit down to lunch at a
restaurant. He noticed that they had ordered one mea?ln and an extra drink cup. As he watched, the older man carefully divided the hamburger in half, then counted out the fries – one for him, one for her, until each had an even number. Then the older man poured half the soft drink into the
extra cup and set it in front of his wife. The older man began to eat
and his wife sat watching with her hands folded in her lap. The young man hesitated, then approached the couple and asked if they would allow him to purchase another meal for them so that they wouldn’t have to split theirs. The old man said, “Oh no. We’ve been married for 50 years, and
everything has always been, and always will be shared 50-50.” The young man asked the older woman if she was going to eat. “Later,” she replied. “It’s his turn with the teeth.”



Heard aboard a public transportation vehicle: “When you exit the bus,
please be sure to lower your head and watch your step. If you miss
your step and hit your head, please lower your voice and watch your
language. Thank you.”

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