arizona humor Noah in the year 2004
It is the year 2004 and Noah lives in the United States. The Lord speaks
to Noah and says:
"In one year I am going to make it rain and cover the whole earth with
water until all is destroyed. But I want you to save the righteous people
and two of every kind of living thing on the earth. Therefore, I am
commanding you to build an Ark."
In a flash of lightning, God delivered the specifications for an Ark.
Fearful and trembling, Noah took the plans and agreed to build the Ark.
Remember," said the Lord, "You must complete the Ark and bring everything
aboard in one year." Exactly one year later, a fierce storm cloud covered
the earth and all the seas of the earth went into a tumult. The Lord saw
Noah sitting in his front yard weeping. "Noah." He shouted, "Where is the
Ark?"
"Lord please forgive me!" cried Noah. "I did my best but there were big
problems.
First, I had to get a permit for construction and your plans did not
comply with the codes. I had to hire an engineering firm and redraw the
plans.
Then I got into a fight with OSHA over whether or not the Ark needed a
fire sprinkler system and floatation devices.
Then my neighbor objected, claiming I was violating zoning ordinances by
building the Ark in my front yard, so I had to get a variance from the
city planning commission.
I had problems getting enough wood for the Ark, because there was a ban on
cutting trees to protect the Spotted Owl. I finally convinced the US
Forest Service that I needed the wood to save the owls. However, the Fish
and Wildlife Service won't let me catch any owls. So, no owls.
The carpenters formed a union and went out on strike. I had to negotiate a
settlement with the National Labor Union. Now I have 16 carpenters on the
Ark, but still no owls.
When I started rounding up the other animals, I got sued by an animal
rights group. They objected to me only taking two of each kind aboard.
Just when I got the suit dismissed, the EPA notified me that I could not
complete the Ark without filing an environmental impact statement on your
proposed flood. They didn't take very kindly to the idea that they had no
jurisdiction over the conduct of the Creator of the universe.
Then the Army Corps of Engineer demanded a map of the proposed new flood
plain. I sent them a globe.
Right now, I am trying to resolve a complaint filed with the Equal
Employment Opportunity Commission that I am practicing discrimination by
not taking godless, unbelieving people aboard!
The IRS has seized all my assets, claiming that I'm building the Ark in
preparation to flee the country to avoid paying taxes.
I just got a notice from the State that I owe some kind of user tax and
failed to register the Ark as a recreational water craft.
Finally, the ACLU got the courts to issue an injunction against further
construction of the Ark, saying that since God is flooding the earth, it
is a religious event and therefore unconstitutional.
I really don't think I can finish the Ark for another 5 or 6 years!" Noah
wailed.
The sky began to clear, the sun began to shine and the seas began to calm.
A rainbow arched across the sky. Noah looked up hopefully. "You mean you
are not going to destroy the earth, Lord?" "No," said the Lord sadly.
"The government already has."
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to Noah and says:
"In one year I am going to make it rain and cover the whole earth with
water until all is destroyed. But I want you to save the righteous people
and two of every kind of living thing on the earth. Therefore, I am
commanding you to build an Ark."
In a flash of lightning, God delivered the specifications for an Ark.
Fearful and trembling, Noah took the plans and agreed to build the Ark.
Remember," said the Lord, "You must complete the Ark and bring everything
aboard in one year." Exactly one year later, a fierce storm cloud covered
the earth and all the seas of the earth went into a tumult. The Lord saw
Noah sitting in his front yard weeping. "Noah." He shouted, "Where is the
Ark?"
"Lord please forgive me!" cried Noah. "I did my best but there were big
problems.
First, I had to get a permit for construction and your plans did not
comply with the codes. I had to hire an engineering firm and redraw the
plans.
Then I got into a fight with OSHA over whether or not the Ark needed a
fire sprinkler system and floatation devices.
Then my neighbor objected, claiming I was violating zoning ordinances by
building the Ark in my front yard, so I had to get a variance from the
city planning commission.
I had problems getting enough wood for the Ark, because there was a ban on
cutting trees to protect the Spotted Owl. I finally convinced the US
Forest Service that I needed the wood to save the owls. However, the Fish
and Wildlife Service won't let me catch any owls. So, no owls.
The carpenters formed a union and went out on strike. I had to negotiate a
settlement with the National Labor Union. Now I have 16 carpenters on the
Ark, but still no owls.
When I started rounding up the other animals, I got sued by an animal
rights group. They objected to me only taking two of each kind aboard.
Just when I got the suit dismissed, the EPA notified me that I could not
complete the Ark without filing an environmental impact statement on your
proposed flood. They didn't take very kindly to the idea that they had no
jurisdiction over the conduct of the Creator of the universe.
Then the Army Corps of Engineer demanded a map of the proposed new flood
plain. I sent them a globe.
Right now, I am trying to resolve a complaint filed with the Equal
Employment Opportunity Commission that I am practicing discrimination by
not taking godless, unbelieving people aboard!
The IRS has seized all my assets, claiming that I'm building the Ark in
preparation to flee the country to avoid paying taxes.
I just got a notice from the State that I owe some kind of user tax and
failed to register the Ark as a recreational water craft.
Finally, the ACLU got the courts to issue an injunction against further
construction of the Ark, saying that since God is flooding the earth, it
is a religious event and therefore unconstitutional.
I really don't think I can finish the Ark for another 5 or 6 years!" Noah
wailed.
The sky began to clear, the sun began to shine and the seas began to calm.
A rainbow arched across the sky. Noah looked up hopefully. "You mean you
are not going to destroy the earth, Lord?" "No," said the Lord sadly.
"The government already has."
Latest Hoax
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/virushoaxbusters/message/2236
------------------------ Yahoo! Groups Sponsor --------------------~-->
$9.95 domain names from Yahoo!. Register anything.
http://us.click.yahoo.com/J8kdrA/y20IAA/yQLSAA/ZkgolB/TM
--------------------------------------------------------------------~->
Jokes and Humor
********************************************
Life Story Writing
Famous Quotes
Famous Quotes
Famous Quotes
Funny Quotes
Love Quotes
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If you got this from someone else subscribe at:
Arizona Humor
or send an email to:
arizona_humor-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
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<*> To visit your group on the web, go to:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/arizona_humor/
<*> To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
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