arizona humor Specialty Puns of the Weak 08-15-04
SPECIALTY PUNS OF THE WEAK 08-25-04
DAFFYNITIONS & VERBAL ABUSE
Relay: Something you and your spouse did every night of your honeymoon,
but not on your fifth anniversary. (Thad Humphries)
Gopher: Leave to purchase or pick-up something (Stan Kegel)
Gobblers: Found both on and around the Thanksgiving dinner table. (Gary
Hallock)
Acqualntant: A species of tiny insect which you consider to be
pleasing, odd, or antique. (Douglas Drill)
Ammonia: "You are a princess and I AMMONIA man." (Douglas Drill)
Flash Drive: Exposing yourself to passing motorists on the freeway
Petard: Something that slows the progress of animal rights. (Russell
Beland)
Donation: A country ruled by Mafia (Trevor Mytton)
Avail : Piece of cloth that stops woman from looking so ugly. (Gunjan
Saraf)
Sundry: How clotheslines work. (Tim Bruening)
Aaron: what the dentist tells the assistant before drilling, "Please
turn the AARON.â (Douglas Drill)
High Resolution: Promise made on New Years Eve
Intuitive: The ability to cut things in half (Brandy Brandon)
Lumbago: An RV made of wood. (Russell Beland)
Ascot: "Mommy, Mommy, Johnny got his ASCOT in the revolving door."
(Douglas Drill)
Nogales: NOGALES allowed to enter a guys' rest room in Arizona? (Alan
Stillson)
Bar Exam: A test to determine just how much you can hold. (Henny
Youngman)
Digital Photo: Braille (Stan Kegel)
Damnation: Beaver country (Robert Meyers)
Undine: Vomit. (Russell Beland)
Acquaint: as in, "This is certainly ACQUAINT little place you have
here." (Douglas Drill)
Castigate: The bass-fishing tournament scandal. (Richard Lempert)
Ugly: Attraction Deficit Disorder. (Charles G. Waugh)
Gables: Homosexual male cattle (Stan Kegel)
Accord: musical sound. (Douglas Drill)
Ticket: The voucher you will need to rebook with another airline after
your flight was canceled. (Novisoff & Basker)
POETRY
To identify dogs, we agree
That a strap 'round the neck is the key.
Has the owner's last name;
The phone number of same.
This technique is named "collar ID."
(Kirk Miller)
Why is room so cold?
Boss who does all the talking
Is full of hot air.
(Chris White)
In the forest, the driver did swerve,
Hit and killed sev'ral deer, struck a nerve.
From the roadkill, he made
Jars of deer marmalade,
But it spoiled and he had game preserve.
(Kirk Miller)
A surfer dude in Frisco bay
Can't mix his epoxy. He'll say
"These instructions you see
Say to mix with 'part-B'
But where can I find the 'Part-A?'"
(Gary Hallock)
Said a youthful cab driver named Pinto
'I am jolly, I smile and I grin, too.
I'm a real happy boy
For my work I enjoy
And the people I often run into.
(Michael Franklin Ellis)
TOM SWIFTIES, CROCKERS AND WELLERISMS
"I'm trying to get some air circulating under the roof," said Tom
fanatically. (Fun With Words)
"I have the ten through ace of spades," said Tom high-handedly. (Jason
Dias)
" This little spade beats your Ace," Donald trumped..(Stan Kegel)
"Let's play poker," said Tom in a drawn-out manner. (Bob Dvorak)
"Europe needs more self-restraint," said Tom continently. (Think.com)
"I compliment the company that makes the Macintosh computer," said Tom
applauding.(Fun With Words)
"I'd like the largest dog in the kennel," said Tom disdainfully. (Jason
Dias)
"My car has a problem with the steering," Tom stated straightforwardly.
(P. C. Swanson)
"I'm about to hit the golf ball," Tom forewarned. (Think.com)
"Congratulations; you graduated," said Tom diplomatically. (Fun With
Words)
"I'll deal with you later," said Tom the card sharply. (James Ertner )
"Even though we're no longer married, I still paid for her ticket to
come out and visit our children," Tom explained. (Jason Dias)
"Admittedly it is important to learn the alphabet," Abie ceded.
(Think.com)
"It would take too long to detail the whole game, but I wound up
winning," Tom abridged. (Jason Dias)
"I can claim the rest of the tricks," Tom said openhandedly.(Stan Kegel)
"I'd rather be golfing," said Tom coarsely. (Bob Dvorak)
OTHER SPECIALTY PUNS
A city circuit court has awarded $3.5 million to a retired Bethlehem
Steel worker who was exposed to asbestos and his wife . (Richard
Lederer)
And Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick Raper, which did the work of
a hundred men. (Richard Lederer)
For Rent: 6 room hated apartment. (Marsha Coleman)
Spotted in a garden centre: Up these steps for the sunken garden.
Why is it that when we transport something by car, it's called a
shipment, but when we transport something by ship, it's called cargo?
(Richard Lederer)
Phil Baker: Name a noisy fruit, like celery
Contestant: Beans (Kermit Schafer)
Why does a man get a hernia and a woman a hysterectomy? (Richard
Lederer)
A: Kerry
Q: How do you want me to get you back to old Virginny? (Cynthia
MacGregor)
Confucius says ... Man who leap off cliff jump to conclusion. (Curtis)
Your breasts get shorter in the sun (Your brown skin shining in the
sun) Don Henley âBoys of Summerâ (David Trevas
A: Crackdown
Q: What's the most popular recreational drug among young inner-city
geese? (Gary Hallock)
Why do we pack suits in a garment bag and garments in a suitcase?
(Richard Lederer)
In what other language do people play at a recital and recite at a
play? (Richard Lederer)
A: Spring creek
Q: What makes a waterbed squeak? (Gary Hallock)
Confucius says ... He who run behind bus get exhausted. (Curtis)
A: Kerry
Q: How do you want me to get you back to old Virginny? (Cynthia
MacGregor)
The head lion's favorite mate was named Juana. He would constantly push
her away from the other lions because âYou Always Herd The Juana You
Love.â (Stan Kegel)
Oh, what a tangled website we weave when first we practice. (Archives)
What do you call a lawyer gone bad?
Senator. (Dobhran)
Famous Quotes
Chicken Recipes
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DAFFYNITIONS & VERBAL ABUSE
Relay: Something you and your spouse did every night of your honeymoon,
but not on your fifth anniversary. (Thad Humphries)
Gopher: Leave to purchase or pick-up something (Stan Kegel)
Gobblers: Found both on and around the Thanksgiving dinner table. (Gary
Hallock)
Acqualntant: A species of tiny insect which you consider to be
pleasing, odd, or antique. (Douglas Drill)
Ammonia: "You are a princess and I AMMONIA man." (Douglas Drill)
Flash Drive: Exposing yourself to passing motorists on the freeway
Petard: Something that slows the progress of animal rights. (Russell
Beland)
Donation: A country ruled by Mafia (Trevor Mytton)
Avail : Piece of cloth that stops woman from looking so ugly. (Gunjan
Saraf)
Sundry: How clotheslines work. (Tim Bruening)
Aaron: what the dentist tells the assistant before drilling, "Please
turn the AARON.â (Douglas Drill)
High Resolution: Promise made on New Years Eve
Intuitive: The ability to cut things in half (Brandy Brandon)
Lumbago: An RV made of wood. (Russell Beland)
Ascot: "Mommy, Mommy, Johnny got his ASCOT in the revolving door."
(Douglas Drill)
Nogales: NOGALES allowed to enter a guys' rest room in Arizona? (Alan
Stillson)
Bar Exam: A test to determine just how much you can hold. (Henny
Youngman)
Digital Photo: Braille (Stan Kegel)
Damnation: Beaver country (Robert Meyers)
Undine: Vomit. (Russell Beland)
Acquaint: as in, "This is certainly ACQUAINT little place you have
here." (Douglas Drill)
Castigate: The bass-fishing tournament scandal. (Richard Lempert)
Ugly: Attraction Deficit Disorder. (Charles G. Waugh)
Gables: Homosexual male cattle (Stan Kegel)
Accord: musical sound. (Douglas Drill)
Ticket: The voucher you will need to rebook with another airline after
your flight was canceled. (Novisoff & Basker)
POETRY
To identify dogs, we agree
That a strap 'round the neck is the key.
Has the owner's last name;
The phone number of same.
This technique is named "collar ID."
(Kirk Miller)
Why is room so cold?
Boss who does all the talking
Is full of hot air.
(Chris White)
In the forest, the driver did swerve,
Hit and killed sev'ral deer, struck a nerve.
From the roadkill, he made
Jars of deer marmalade,
But it spoiled and he had game preserve.
(Kirk Miller)
A surfer dude in Frisco bay
Can't mix his epoxy. He'll say
"These instructions you see
Say to mix with 'part-B'
But where can I find the 'Part-A?'"
(Gary Hallock)
Said a youthful cab driver named Pinto
'I am jolly, I smile and I grin, too.
I'm a real happy boy
For my work I enjoy
And the people I often run into.
(Michael Franklin Ellis)
TOM SWIFTIES, CROCKERS AND WELLERISMS
"I'm trying to get some air circulating under the roof," said Tom
fanatically. (Fun With Words)
"I have the ten through ace of spades," said Tom high-handedly. (Jason
Dias)
" This little spade beats your Ace," Donald trumped..(Stan Kegel)
"Let's play poker," said Tom in a drawn-out manner. (Bob Dvorak)
"Europe needs more self-restraint," said Tom continently. (Think.com)
"I compliment the company that makes the Macintosh computer," said Tom
applauding.(Fun With Words)
"I'd like the largest dog in the kennel," said Tom disdainfully. (Jason
Dias)
"My car has a problem with the steering," Tom stated straightforwardly.
(P. C. Swanson)
"I'm about to hit the golf ball," Tom forewarned. (Think.com)
"Congratulations; you graduated," said Tom diplomatically. (Fun With
Words)
"I'll deal with you later," said Tom the card sharply. (James Ertner )
"Even though we're no longer married, I still paid for her ticket to
come out and visit our children," Tom explained. (Jason Dias)
"Admittedly it is important to learn the alphabet," Abie ceded.
(Think.com)
"It would take too long to detail the whole game, but I wound up
winning," Tom abridged. (Jason Dias)
"I can claim the rest of the tricks," Tom said openhandedly.(Stan Kegel)
"I'd rather be golfing," said Tom coarsely. (Bob Dvorak)
OTHER SPECIALTY PUNS
A city circuit court has awarded $3.5 million to a retired Bethlehem
Steel worker who was exposed to asbestos and his wife . (Richard
Lederer)
And Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick Raper, which did the work of
a hundred men. (Richard Lederer)
For Rent: 6 room hated apartment. (Marsha Coleman)
Spotted in a garden centre: Up these steps for the sunken garden.
Why is it that when we transport something by car, it's called a
shipment, but when we transport something by ship, it's called cargo?
(Richard Lederer)
Phil Baker: Name a noisy fruit, like celery
Contestant: Beans (Kermit Schafer)
Why does a man get a hernia and a woman a hysterectomy? (Richard
Lederer)
A: Kerry
Q: How do you want me to get you back to old Virginny? (Cynthia
MacGregor)
Confucius says ... Man who leap off cliff jump to conclusion. (Curtis)
Your breasts get shorter in the sun (Your brown skin shining in the
sun) Don Henley âBoys of Summerâ (David Trevas
A: Crackdown
Q: What's the most popular recreational drug among young inner-city
geese? (Gary Hallock)
Why do we pack suits in a garment bag and garments in a suitcase?
(Richard Lederer)
In what other language do people play at a recital and recite at a
play? (Richard Lederer)
A: Spring creek
Q: What makes a waterbed squeak? (Gary Hallock)
Confucius says ... He who run behind bus get exhausted. (Curtis)
A: Kerry
Q: How do you want me to get you back to old Virginny? (Cynthia
MacGregor)
The head lion's favorite mate was named Juana. He would constantly push
her away from the other lions because âYou Always Herd The Juana You
Love.â (Stan Kegel)
Oh, what a tangled website we weave when first we practice. (Archives)
What do you call a lawyer gone bad?
Senator. (Dobhran)
Famous Quotes
Chicken Recipes
------------------------ Yahoo! Groups Sponsor --------------------~-->
$9.95 domain names from Yahoo!. Register anything.
http://us.click.yahoo.com/J8kdrA/y20IAA/yQLSAA/ZkgolB/TM
--------------------------------------------------------------------~->
Jokes and Humor
********************************************
Life Story Writing
Famous Quotes
Famous Quotes
Famous Quotes
Funny Quotes
Love Quotes
Famous Recipes
If you got this from someone else subscribe at:
Arizona Humor
or send an email to:
arizona_humor-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Yahoo! Groups Links
<*> To visit your group on the web, go to:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/arizona_humor/
<*> To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
arizona_humor-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
<*> Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to:
http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/
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