arizona humor Kids Puns of the Weak 08-31-04
KIDS PUNS OF THE WEAK for the week ending 08-31-04
JEST FOR KIDS * THE RIDDLES
How did the phone propose to his girlfriend?
He gave her a ring. (Raymond, 11)
Is this water healthy for swimming?
Absolutely! It's well water. (Douglas Helsel)
Why is a robber strong?
Because he holds people up. (Truman, 11)
What did the ocean do to the shore?
He waved (Amber, 11)
What did the traffic light say to the car?
Don't look, I'm changing (Nathan, 10)
Why did the lion spit out the clown?
Because he tasted funny. (Daily Groaner)
What happens when a Dalmatian takes a shower?
Its spotless (Kimberly, 11)
Why did the little moron through the clock out the window?
Because he wanted to see if time could fly. (Bill Edwards)
Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?
In case he got a hole-in-one (Jewel, 13)
Why did the Police Dog chase his tail?
He wanted to make ends meet.
What do you get when you cut your finger while slicing your pastrami
sandwich?
The Scarlet Pumpernickel (Ben Schwalb)
Did you hear about the church that burned down?
Holy smokes! (Gunjan Seraf)
Why did the orchestra have bad manners?
Because it didn't know how to conduct itself.
What do you call a sad tree?
A weeping willow (Jennifer, 8)
What does a vampire call his parents?
Mummy and batty (Esther, 9)
Why did the banker fire the loan officer?
Lack of interest (Anne Kostick)
What is a boxerâs favorite drink?
Punch.
Why does the little moron wet his favorite shirt before putting it on?
The label says, âWash and wear.â (Bill Edwards)
Why did the farmer plant sugar cubes?
Because he wanted to raise cane.
What sign did the real estate agent put in the yard of the little old
lady who lived in a shoe?
Soled (Betty Debnam: Mighty Funnies)
Why didnât the coach trust his team?
There were too many sneakers in the locker room. (Natali, 9)
What did the class call the instructorâs dog?
Teacherâs pet (Jumble: Arnold & Argirlon)
What did the shoelace say to the other shoelace?
That's knot mine (Rylee, 11)
Where did Mother Goose leave her trash?
At the Humpty Dump (Betty Debnam: Mighty Funnies)
Why did the lady go out doors with her purse open?
Because she expected some change in the weather. (Sandy Sibert)
Who do mice see when they are sick?
Hickory Dickory Doc (Betty Debnam: Mighty Funnies)
Where do kangaroos carry their young?
In a male pouch (Gary Hallock)
Why do seagulls fly over the sea and not the bay?
Because they don't want to be called bagels (Veronica, 12)
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other slide. (Rosie OâDonnell)
What wears a coat all winter and pants all summer?
A Police Dog.
Why did the little moron spray his apartment with DDT?
He heard that it might be bugged. (Bill Edwards)
JEST FOR KIDS * THE PUNS
When a new baby comes into a family, many 'changes' are necessary (Mike
Bull)
A weather forecaster took a job in another part of the country. When
asked why he transferred he replied, "The weather didn't agree with me.
(Sandy Sibert)
A lawyer held a huge briefcase in his hand during the entire trial, but
finally he rested his case. (Pun of the Day)
Nina called in a repairman to fix her electric clock. He examined it
and told her, "There's nothing wrong with the clock. You didn't have it
plugged in." She replied, "I didn't want to waste electricity, so I
only plug it in when I want to know what time it is." (Carol's Humor)
If you build your house on a crack in the earth, no matter what
happens, remember it's your own fault! (Joe G. Manda)
The ambulance driver said he thought Grandma would be okay after her
car hit several trees. But she's not out of the woods yet. (Jerry L.
Embry)
If a lawyer speaks for too long there will be an extended sentence.
(Mike Bull)
A guy goes to a psychiatrist. "Doctor, doctor, I keep having these
alternating recurring dreams. First I'm a tepee, then I'm a wigwam,
then I'm a tepee, then I'm a wigwam. It's driving me crazy. What's
wrong with me?" "It's very simple. You're two tents." (Sydes)
The shady used car salesman took the unsuspecting buyer for a ride.
(Jumble: Arnold & Argirlon)
Authors in jail have their prose and cons. (Tony Thoennes)
New policies in High School resulted dropouts being cut in half.
(Questar)
The divorce judge gave the boxer a split decision. (Jumble: Arnold &
Argirlon)
He often played the violin with his wife, but she never played second
fiddle. (Pun of the Day)
They called him the king of the dentists because he specialized in
crowns. (Mike Bull)
With a gun in the kitchen, you can take a potshot. (Tony Thoennes)
A guy drove his car until the day of wreckoning? (Pun of the Day)
A new celebrity restaurant chain is opening up nationwide. It is a
partnership between Kareem Abdul Jabarr, Ryan Coffee, and Sugar Ray
Leonard. They're going to call it: "Coffee, with Kareem and Sugar"
A computer student was told to work harder in school or he wouldn't get
an up-grade. (Pun of the Day)
Do you carrot all for me, for my heart beets for you, and my Love is as
soft as a squash, but as strong as an onion. For you are a peach, with
your radish hair and turnip nose. You are the apple of my eye, so if we
cantaloupe then lettuce marry anyhow, for I know we would make a happy
pair. (Syman Hirsch)
He : Go on ,don't be shy. Ask me out!
She : Okay, get out! (Krish)
Drink varnish and you'll have a lovely finish. (Questar)
Making your own pot is usually just kiln time. (Stan Kegel)
PUNS IN THE COMICS
Two ears of corn talking: âNot the Willie Maize?â (Frank & Ernest: Bob
Thaves)
Does thinking about the office before you go to sleep count as
overtime? (Graffiti: Gene Mora)
Hippy talking to his lawyer in court: âWhoa, Dude. You mean joint
custody is about the kid?â (Pardon My Planet: Vic Lee)
Some peoples cooking is so bad, they have to force-feed the garbage
disposal. (Graffiti: Gene Mora)
Ziggy being interviewed for a job with the Acme Deep-Sea Diving Co. Is
asked, âDo you work well under pressure?â (Ziggy: Tom Wilson)
Some floating debts are called yachts. (Graffiti: Gene Mora)
âDr Aver, I think Iâm Manic-Depressive. What should I do?â âCalm down.
Cheer up. Calm down. Cheer up. Calm down. Cheer up.â (Flo & Friends:
Gibel & Campbell)
Unemployed teachers have no class. (Graffiti: Gene Mora)
âI didnât know you played.â âKevâs a guitar God. Tell her Kev.â
âModesty forbidsâ âSo you know all the chords then?â âEr, Yes. Of
course. Although we musicians prefer to call them âstringsâ, not
âcordsâ.â (Mullets: Stromoski & Mc Garry)
Love, honor and cherish, until debt do us part. (Graffiti: Gene Mora)
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JEST FOR KIDS * THE RIDDLES
How did the phone propose to his girlfriend?
He gave her a ring. (Raymond, 11)
Is this water healthy for swimming?
Absolutely! It's well water. (Douglas Helsel)
Why is a robber strong?
Because he holds people up. (Truman, 11)
What did the ocean do to the shore?
He waved (Amber, 11)
What did the traffic light say to the car?
Don't look, I'm changing (Nathan, 10)
Why did the lion spit out the clown?
Because he tasted funny. (Daily Groaner)
What happens when a Dalmatian takes a shower?
Its spotless (Kimberly, 11)
Why did the little moron through the clock out the window?
Because he wanted to see if time could fly. (Bill Edwards)
Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?
In case he got a hole-in-one (Jewel, 13)
Why did the Police Dog chase his tail?
He wanted to make ends meet.
What do you get when you cut your finger while slicing your pastrami
sandwich?
The Scarlet Pumpernickel (Ben Schwalb)
Did you hear about the church that burned down?
Holy smokes! (Gunjan Seraf)
Why did the orchestra have bad manners?
Because it didn't know how to conduct itself.
What do you call a sad tree?
A weeping willow (Jennifer, 8)
What does a vampire call his parents?
Mummy and batty (Esther, 9)
Why did the banker fire the loan officer?
Lack of interest (Anne Kostick)
What is a boxerâs favorite drink?
Punch.
Why does the little moron wet his favorite shirt before putting it on?
The label says, âWash and wear.â (Bill Edwards)
Why did the farmer plant sugar cubes?
Because he wanted to raise cane.
What sign did the real estate agent put in the yard of the little old
lady who lived in a shoe?
Soled (Betty Debnam: Mighty Funnies)
Why didnât the coach trust his team?
There were too many sneakers in the locker room. (Natali, 9)
What did the class call the instructorâs dog?
Teacherâs pet (Jumble: Arnold & Argirlon)
What did the shoelace say to the other shoelace?
That's knot mine (Rylee, 11)
Where did Mother Goose leave her trash?
At the Humpty Dump (Betty Debnam: Mighty Funnies)
Why did the lady go out doors with her purse open?
Because she expected some change in the weather. (Sandy Sibert)
Who do mice see when they are sick?
Hickory Dickory Doc (Betty Debnam: Mighty Funnies)
Where do kangaroos carry their young?
In a male pouch (Gary Hallock)
Why do seagulls fly over the sea and not the bay?
Because they don't want to be called bagels (Veronica, 12)
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other slide. (Rosie OâDonnell)
What wears a coat all winter and pants all summer?
A Police Dog.
Why did the little moron spray his apartment with DDT?
He heard that it might be bugged. (Bill Edwards)
JEST FOR KIDS * THE PUNS
When a new baby comes into a family, many 'changes' are necessary (Mike
Bull)
A weather forecaster took a job in another part of the country. When
asked why he transferred he replied, "The weather didn't agree with me.
(Sandy Sibert)
A lawyer held a huge briefcase in his hand during the entire trial, but
finally he rested his case. (Pun of the Day)
Nina called in a repairman to fix her electric clock. He examined it
and told her, "There's nothing wrong with the clock. You didn't have it
plugged in." She replied, "I didn't want to waste electricity, so I
only plug it in when I want to know what time it is." (Carol's Humor)
If you build your house on a crack in the earth, no matter what
happens, remember it's your own fault! (Joe G. Manda)
The ambulance driver said he thought Grandma would be okay after her
car hit several trees. But she's not out of the woods yet. (Jerry L.
Embry)
If a lawyer speaks for too long there will be an extended sentence.
(Mike Bull)
A guy goes to a psychiatrist. "Doctor, doctor, I keep having these
alternating recurring dreams. First I'm a tepee, then I'm a wigwam,
then I'm a tepee, then I'm a wigwam. It's driving me crazy. What's
wrong with me?" "It's very simple. You're two tents." (Sydes)
The shady used car salesman took the unsuspecting buyer for a ride.
(Jumble: Arnold & Argirlon)
Authors in jail have their prose and cons. (Tony Thoennes)
New policies in High School resulted dropouts being cut in half.
(Questar)
The divorce judge gave the boxer a split decision. (Jumble: Arnold &
Argirlon)
He often played the violin with his wife, but she never played second
fiddle. (Pun of the Day)
They called him the king of the dentists because he specialized in
crowns. (Mike Bull)
With a gun in the kitchen, you can take a potshot. (Tony Thoennes)
A guy drove his car until the day of wreckoning? (Pun of the Day)
A new celebrity restaurant chain is opening up nationwide. It is a
partnership between Kareem Abdul Jabarr, Ryan Coffee, and Sugar Ray
Leonard. They're going to call it: "Coffee, with Kareem and Sugar"
A computer student was told to work harder in school or he wouldn't get
an up-grade. (Pun of the Day)
Do you carrot all for me, for my heart beets for you, and my Love is as
soft as a squash, but as strong as an onion. For you are a peach, with
your radish hair and turnip nose. You are the apple of my eye, so if we
cantaloupe then lettuce marry anyhow, for I know we would make a happy
pair. (Syman Hirsch)
He : Go on ,don't be shy. Ask me out!
She : Okay, get out! (Krish)
Drink varnish and you'll have a lovely finish. (Questar)
Making your own pot is usually just kiln time. (Stan Kegel)
PUNS IN THE COMICS
Two ears of corn talking: âNot the Willie Maize?â (Frank & Ernest: Bob
Thaves)
Does thinking about the office before you go to sleep count as
overtime? (Graffiti: Gene Mora)
Hippy talking to his lawyer in court: âWhoa, Dude. You mean joint
custody is about the kid?â (Pardon My Planet: Vic Lee)
Some peoples cooking is so bad, they have to force-feed the garbage
disposal. (Graffiti: Gene Mora)
Ziggy being interviewed for a job with the Acme Deep-Sea Diving Co. Is
asked, âDo you work well under pressure?â (Ziggy: Tom Wilson)
Some floating debts are called yachts. (Graffiti: Gene Mora)
âDr Aver, I think Iâm Manic-Depressive. What should I do?â âCalm down.
Cheer up. Calm down. Cheer up. Calm down. Cheer up.â (Flo & Friends:
Gibel & Campbell)
Unemployed teachers have no class. (Graffiti: Gene Mora)
âI didnât know you played.â âKevâs a guitar God. Tell her Kev.â
âModesty forbidsâ âSo you know all the chords then?â âEr, Yes. Of
course. Although we musicians prefer to call them âstringsâ, not
âcordsâ.â (Mullets: Stromoski & Mc Garry)
Love, honor and cherish, until debt do us part. (Graffiti: Gene Mora)
------------------------ Yahoo! Groups Sponsor --------------------~-->
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Now with Pop-Up Blocker. Get it for free!
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--------------------------------------------------------------------~->
Jokes and Humor
********************************************
Life Story Writing
Famous Quotes
Famous Quotes
Famous Quotes
Funny Quotes
Love Quotes
Famous Recipes
If you got this from someone else subscribe at:
Arizona Humor
or send an email to:
arizona_humor-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Yahoo! Groups Links
<*> To visit your group on the web, go to:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/arizona_humor/
<*> To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
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<*> Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to:
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