arizona humor Kids Puns of the Weak 09-21-04
KIDS PUNS OF THE WEAK for the week ending 09-21-04
JEST FOR KIDS * THE RIDDLES
Why were the elephants the last animals to leave the ark?
They had to pack their trunks. (Adelina, 8)
Where do trees get their books?
From branch libraries (Rose, 11)
Why is it so easy to weigh a fish?
It comes with scales. (Rosie OâDonnell)
What's the difference between a batman and a thief?
Batman can go without Robin. (Douglas Helsel)
Why can't a rooster ever get rich?
Because he works for chicken feed! (Joanna)
What happened to the boy who ran through a screen door?
He strained himself (Daily Groaner)
What did the corn chip say to the potato chip?
Let's go in for a quick dip (Rita, 10)
Why did the coach go to the bank?
To get his quarter back! (Gustavo, 7)
What did the mummy detective say when he solved the case?
"That about wraps it up!" (Brett, 7)
What did the tornado say to the car?
"You want to go for a spin?" (Jemma, 11)
What do you get if you cross Sir Lancelot with a firefly?
A knight light (Doodles by Mac and Sack)
What do you call a sausage that has been stolen?
A missing link. I (Lederer & Ertner)
Why are false teeth like stars?
Because they come out at night! (Claudia, 11)
Why do fish have such huge phone bills?
Because when they get on the line they can't get off. (Rosie OâDonnell)
Why do elephants wear trunks?
So they won't be embarrassed. (Betty Debnam: Mighty Funnies)
What does a bee wear when it is cold?
A Yellow Jacket (Daily Groaner)
What kind of petroleum do snails use?
Shell! (John, 12)
What kind of shorts do clouds wear?
Thunderwear! (Rachel, 9)
Why did the man take his clock to the vet?
Because it had ticks! (Daily Groaner)
Where do lawyers live?
In legal pads. (A Joke A Day)
What did Ernie say when Bert asked him if he wanted ice cream?
Sure, Bert. (Rosie OâDonnell)
Why are 1898 silver dollars worth more than 1897 silver dollars?
$1,898.00 is one dollar more than $1,897.00 (LOL Laughs)
Whatever happened to the cow that was lifted into the air by the
tornado?
Udder disaster! (Andrew Garcia)
What does the Gingerbread Boy have on his bed?
Cookie sheets. (A Joke A Day)
What drink do boxers like?
Fruit Punch! (Ashley, 11)
What should an astronaut do when he gets dirty?
Take a meteor shower (Daily Groaner)
What do you call a little bird at the stereo shop?
A tweeter. (Mike Benny)
Where is the best place to see a man-eating fish?
A seafood restaurant. (Rosie OâDonnell)
What drink do boxers like?
Fruit Punch! (Ashley, 11)
Why is politics for the birds?
Because politicians always parrot the same old lines. (Lederer &
Ertner)
What is the best cure for flat feet?
Pumps (Dorian, 11)
What did the dollar name his daughter?
Penny (Jennifer, 11)
What do you call a cow wearing a crown?
A dairy queen (Guadalupe, 7)
Why would you shop for a car in Las Vegas?
They have so many dealers. (Mike Benny)
JEST FOR KIDS * THE PUNS
Fred's mother knit him three socks when he was in the army because Fred
wrote he had grown another foot. (Robert Margolin)
The electric chair is period furniture. It ends a sentence. (Robert
Margolin)
A guy who worked in a gum factory fell in a vat of bubblegum, and his
boss had to chew him out (Pun of the Day)
"Next time I catch you throwing money across the Potomac, you can kiss
your allowance goodbye!" (George Washington's Mother)
When the upstairs neighbor had a dance party, the couple hit the
ceiling. (Jumble: Arnold & Argirlon)
If you leave alphabet soup on the stove and go out, it could spell
disaster. (Pun of the Day)
When he was a kid, he swallowed a spoon. He hasn't stirred since!
(Lucetta Myers)
He played tennis in the daytime and was a waiter in the evening. He was
great at serving. (Pun of the Day)
I always thought my son would want a car for his 16th birthday. But
when the big day came, he only asked for a Star Wars figurine. So I got
him what he asked for -- a toy Yoda. (Warren Allen)
He quit smoking cold turkey. The feathers made him gag! (Lucetta Myers)
My father was a dentist and my mother was a manicurist. For most of
their married life they fought tooth and nail. (Anne Kostick)
When the fog burns off, it won't be mist.(Tony Thoennes)
When Junior played with his sister's perfume, she raised a stink.
(Jumble: Arnold & Argirlon)
The therapist told my wife to put some magic in our marriage, so she
disappeared. (Anne Kostick)
My wife said we just had to hold down our grocery bills so I bought her
a paperweight. (Anne Kostick)
Annoys: A loud sound. (Joseph Leff)
When the singer wanted to be a pilot, the instructor insisted on a solo
flight. (Jumble: Arnold & Argirlon)
"Smile," he said, "Things could get worse!" So I smiled, and things got
worse. (Edward Erskine)
The cheese makers of Wisconsin produced 1.9 million pounds of Limburger
in 1968. That's quite a phew. (Bennett Cerf)
When the first grader came home from class, Mom made "small" talk.
(Jumble: Arnold & Argirlon)
She owned three french-fry factories, but to her it was just small
potatoes. (Pun of the Day)
Doctor: "Do you wake up grumpy?"
Snow White: "No, I just let him sleep." (Jennifer, 11)
Afterthought: When to take action. (Joseph Leff)
He : What would you say if I asked you to marry me?
She : Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time! (Krish)
"I don't care where you think you have to go, young man, midnight is
long past your curfew!" (Paul Revere's Mother)
Aboveboard: Place for a surfer. (Joseph Leff)
"Why can't you paint on walls like other children? Do you know how
hard it is to get this junk off the ceiling?" (Michelangelo's Mother)
A cowboy wanted some more experience, so he tried to find a partner who
was accessibull. One who would show him the ropes. He found one partner
who left macho to be desired, although he did have consider-a-bull
talent. But he often couldn't sleep, so he took hay to bed to feed his
night mares. (Mike Bull)
Inside a hot dog factory you never sausage a sight before. (Tony
Thoennes)
She hid in a hay stack because she couldn't get out on bale. (Mike Bull)
Advisor: How to make a cap from a beanie (School Jokes)
I can already see it coming: First they'll start letting people clone
their family pets, then some owners will be unhappy with the results,
and the next thing you know, we'll have a bunch of copycat killings.
(Daily Groaner)
PUNS IN THE COMICS
Pessimists are No-It-Alls (Graffiti: Gene Mora)
"Change doesn't happen overnight. Generations of Americans have fought
for change throughout our history and are still fighting to this day.
It can be a slow and costly process but if it's right, the great people
of this nation will adopt it sooner or later." "But, I just wanted
change for a dollar." "It's not cheap, either, you know."
(mikedonovan.com: Mike Donovan)
A plugger knows he's over the hill when the only wild oats he sows are
in his cereal bowl (Pluggers: Gary Brookins)
People who say television leaves nothing to the imagination haven't
seen the picture reception we get. (Frank & Ernest: Bob Thaves)
"My new girl friend is handicapped." "Really, I used to go out with a
girl who had a wooden leg. I had to break it off."(Mike Donovan)
"What are you studying, Grace?" "Averages!" "Averages?" "Yeah, you
know. Like if a woman lives in New York half the year and spends the
other six months in Florida, on the average, she lives in North
Carolina." (Baldo: Cantu & Castellanos)
Dogs are smart enough to understand human commands. Cats are smart
enough to ignore them. (Snapshots: Jason Love)
"Did the teacher just say we're going to have a test?" "Yes, it'll
cover Michaelangelo, Leonardo, Raphael and Donatello." "Piece of cake.
I know all about The Ninja Turtles. (Jump Start: Robb Armstrong)
"Could you come to my house, Dr. Zook? My horse is sick!" "You'll have
to bring him to my office, Hager. I don't make horse calls!" (Hagar
The Horrible: Chris Browne)
Fish never perspire because they don't have armpits. (Graffiti: Gene
Mora)
"Geez, Tiff, you sure spend enough time fizzing with your feet." "As a
future professional model, it's my job to keep my body in primo
condition. I might get a call to be a foot model." "Oh, like in an ad
for toe trucks or the golden arches." (Luann: Greg Evans)
Hot Dog Vendor: "Would you like a hot dog?" Customer: "Make me one with
everything." Vendor: What do I look like, the Dali Lama?"
(mikedonovan.com: Mike Donovan)
Marriage turns night owls into homing pigeons. (Graffiti: Gene Mora)
"Man, am I bummed. You wouldn't believe the money I'm losing because
the NHL season isn't starting on time." "Wow, are you a professional
hockey player?" "No, a dentist." (Real Life Adventures: Wise & Aldrich)
"I thought you were going to read on the porch." "I was, until your Dad
decided to launch into one of his political harangues. We've got the
only front porch swing with an air bag." (Crankshaft: Batluk & Ayers)
Man developed the subconscious to keep secrets from himself. (Graffiti:
Gene Mora)
Phoenix Arizona
http://members.cox.net/phoenix-arizona/2004/09/phoenix-arizona-phoenix-az-search.html
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********************************************
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JEST FOR KIDS * THE RIDDLES
Why were the elephants the last animals to leave the ark?
They had to pack their trunks. (Adelina, 8)
Where do trees get their books?
From branch libraries (Rose, 11)
Why is it so easy to weigh a fish?
It comes with scales. (Rosie OâDonnell)
What's the difference between a batman and a thief?
Batman can go without Robin. (Douglas Helsel)
Why can't a rooster ever get rich?
Because he works for chicken feed! (Joanna)
What happened to the boy who ran through a screen door?
He strained himself (Daily Groaner)
What did the corn chip say to the potato chip?
Let's go in for a quick dip (Rita, 10)
Why did the coach go to the bank?
To get his quarter back! (Gustavo, 7)
What did the mummy detective say when he solved the case?
"That about wraps it up!" (Brett, 7)
What did the tornado say to the car?
"You want to go for a spin?" (Jemma, 11)
What do you get if you cross Sir Lancelot with a firefly?
A knight light (Doodles by Mac and Sack)
What do you call a sausage that has been stolen?
A missing link. I (Lederer & Ertner)
Why are false teeth like stars?
Because they come out at night! (Claudia, 11)
Why do fish have such huge phone bills?
Because when they get on the line they can't get off. (Rosie OâDonnell)
Why do elephants wear trunks?
So they won't be embarrassed. (Betty Debnam: Mighty Funnies)
What does a bee wear when it is cold?
A Yellow Jacket (Daily Groaner)
What kind of petroleum do snails use?
Shell! (John, 12)
What kind of shorts do clouds wear?
Thunderwear! (Rachel, 9)
Why did the man take his clock to the vet?
Because it had ticks! (Daily Groaner)
Where do lawyers live?
In legal pads. (A Joke A Day)
What did Ernie say when Bert asked him if he wanted ice cream?
Sure, Bert. (Rosie OâDonnell)
Why are 1898 silver dollars worth more than 1897 silver dollars?
$1,898.00 is one dollar more than $1,897.00 (LOL Laughs)
Whatever happened to the cow that was lifted into the air by the
tornado?
Udder disaster! (Andrew Garcia)
What does the Gingerbread Boy have on his bed?
Cookie sheets. (A Joke A Day)
What drink do boxers like?
Fruit Punch! (Ashley, 11)
What should an astronaut do when he gets dirty?
Take a meteor shower (Daily Groaner)
What do you call a little bird at the stereo shop?
A tweeter. (Mike Benny)
Where is the best place to see a man-eating fish?
A seafood restaurant. (Rosie OâDonnell)
What drink do boxers like?
Fruit Punch! (Ashley, 11)
Why is politics for the birds?
Because politicians always parrot the same old lines. (Lederer &
Ertner)
What is the best cure for flat feet?
Pumps (Dorian, 11)
What did the dollar name his daughter?
Penny (Jennifer, 11)
What do you call a cow wearing a crown?
A dairy queen (Guadalupe, 7)
Why would you shop for a car in Las Vegas?
They have so many dealers. (Mike Benny)
JEST FOR KIDS * THE PUNS
Fred's mother knit him three socks when he was in the army because Fred
wrote he had grown another foot. (Robert Margolin)
The electric chair is period furniture. It ends a sentence. (Robert
Margolin)
A guy who worked in a gum factory fell in a vat of bubblegum, and his
boss had to chew him out (Pun of the Day)
"Next time I catch you throwing money across the Potomac, you can kiss
your allowance goodbye!" (George Washington's Mother)
When the upstairs neighbor had a dance party, the couple hit the
ceiling. (Jumble: Arnold & Argirlon)
If you leave alphabet soup on the stove and go out, it could spell
disaster. (Pun of the Day)
When he was a kid, he swallowed a spoon. He hasn't stirred since!
(Lucetta Myers)
He played tennis in the daytime and was a waiter in the evening. He was
great at serving. (Pun of the Day)
I always thought my son would want a car for his 16th birthday. But
when the big day came, he only asked for a Star Wars figurine. So I got
him what he asked for -- a toy Yoda. (Warren Allen)
He quit smoking cold turkey. The feathers made him gag! (Lucetta Myers)
My father was a dentist and my mother was a manicurist. For most of
their married life they fought tooth and nail. (Anne Kostick)
When the fog burns off, it won't be mist.(Tony Thoennes)
When Junior played with his sister's perfume, she raised a stink.
(Jumble: Arnold & Argirlon)
The therapist told my wife to put some magic in our marriage, so she
disappeared. (Anne Kostick)
My wife said we just had to hold down our grocery bills so I bought her
a paperweight. (Anne Kostick)
Annoys: A loud sound. (Joseph Leff)
When the singer wanted to be a pilot, the instructor insisted on a solo
flight. (Jumble: Arnold & Argirlon)
"Smile," he said, "Things could get worse!" So I smiled, and things got
worse. (Edward Erskine)
The cheese makers of Wisconsin produced 1.9 million pounds of Limburger
in 1968. That's quite a phew. (Bennett Cerf)
When the first grader came home from class, Mom made "small" talk.
(Jumble: Arnold & Argirlon)
She owned three french-fry factories, but to her it was just small
potatoes. (Pun of the Day)
Doctor: "Do you wake up grumpy?"
Snow White: "No, I just let him sleep." (Jennifer, 11)
Afterthought: When to take action. (Joseph Leff)
He : What would you say if I asked you to marry me?
She : Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time! (Krish)
"I don't care where you think you have to go, young man, midnight is
long past your curfew!" (Paul Revere's Mother)
Aboveboard: Place for a surfer. (Joseph Leff)
"Why can't you paint on walls like other children? Do you know how
hard it is to get this junk off the ceiling?" (Michelangelo's Mother)
A cowboy wanted some more experience, so he tried to find a partner who
was accessibull. One who would show him the ropes. He found one partner
who left macho to be desired, although he did have consider-a-bull
talent. But he often couldn't sleep, so he took hay to bed to feed his
night mares. (Mike Bull)
Inside a hot dog factory you never sausage a sight before. (Tony
Thoennes)
She hid in a hay stack because she couldn't get out on bale. (Mike Bull)
Advisor: How to make a cap from a beanie (School Jokes)
I can already see it coming: First they'll start letting people clone
their family pets, then some owners will be unhappy with the results,
and the next thing you know, we'll have a bunch of copycat killings.
(Daily Groaner)
PUNS IN THE COMICS
Pessimists are No-It-Alls (Graffiti: Gene Mora)
"Change doesn't happen overnight. Generations of Americans have fought
for change throughout our history and are still fighting to this day.
It can be a slow and costly process but if it's right, the great people
of this nation will adopt it sooner or later." "But, I just wanted
change for a dollar." "It's not cheap, either, you know."
(mikedonovan.com: Mike Donovan)
A plugger knows he's over the hill when the only wild oats he sows are
in his cereal bowl (Pluggers: Gary Brookins)
People who say television leaves nothing to the imagination haven't
seen the picture reception we get. (Frank & Ernest: Bob Thaves)
"My new girl friend is handicapped." "Really, I used to go out with a
girl who had a wooden leg. I had to break it off."(Mike Donovan)
"What are you studying, Grace?" "Averages!" "Averages?" "Yeah, you
know. Like if a woman lives in New York half the year and spends the
other six months in Florida, on the average, she lives in North
Carolina." (Baldo: Cantu & Castellanos)
Dogs are smart enough to understand human commands. Cats are smart
enough to ignore them. (Snapshots: Jason Love)
"Did the teacher just say we're going to have a test?" "Yes, it'll
cover Michaelangelo, Leonardo, Raphael and Donatello." "Piece of cake.
I know all about The Ninja Turtles. (Jump Start: Robb Armstrong)
"Could you come to my house, Dr. Zook? My horse is sick!" "You'll have
to bring him to my office, Hager. I don't make horse calls!" (Hagar
The Horrible: Chris Browne)
Fish never perspire because they don't have armpits. (Graffiti: Gene
Mora)
"Geez, Tiff, you sure spend enough time fizzing with your feet." "As a
future professional model, it's my job to keep my body in primo
condition. I might get a call to be a foot model." "Oh, like in an ad
for toe trucks or the golden arches." (Luann: Greg Evans)
Hot Dog Vendor: "Would you like a hot dog?" Customer: "Make me one with
everything." Vendor: What do I look like, the Dali Lama?"
(mikedonovan.com: Mike Donovan)
Marriage turns night owls into homing pigeons. (Graffiti: Gene Mora)
"Man, am I bummed. You wouldn't believe the money I'm losing because
the NHL season isn't starting on time." "Wow, are you a professional
hockey player?" "No, a dentist." (Real Life Adventures: Wise & Aldrich)
"I thought you were going to read on the porch." "I was, until your Dad
decided to launch into one of his political harangues. We've got the
only front porch swing with an air bag." (Crankshaft: Batluk & Ayers)
Man developed the subconscious to keep secrets from himself. (Graffiti:
Gene Mora)
Phoenix Arizona
http://members.cox.net/phoenix-arizona/2004/09/phoenix-arizona-phoenix-az-search.html
------------------------ Yahoo! Groups Sponsor --------------------~-->
$9.95 domain names from Yahoo!. Register anything.
http://us.click.yahoo.com/J8kdrA/y20IAA/yQLSAA/ZkgolB/TM
--------------------------------------------------------------------~->
Jokes and Humor
********************************************
Life Story Writing
Famous Quotes
Famous Quotes
Famous Quotes
Funny Quotes
Love Quotes
Famous Recipes
If you got this from someone else subscribe at:
Arizona Humor
or send an email to:
arizona_humor-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Yahoo! Groups Links
<*> To visit your group on the web, go to:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/arizona_humor/
<*> To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
arizona_humor-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
<*> Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to:
http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/
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