arizona humor Kids Puns of the Weak 10-05-04

KIDS PUNS OF THE WEAK for the week ending 10-05-04

HALLOWEEN PUNS

Why couldn't Dracula's wife get to sleep?
Because of his coffin.

What is a cannibal's favorite type of TV show?
A celebrity roast.

Why don’t vampires play poker?
The stakes are too high (Cassie, 9)

What do ghosts and goblins drink on Halloween?
Ghoul-aid.

Why were there screams coming from the kitchen ?
The cook was beating the eggs.

Why don't mummies take vacations?
They're afraid they'll relax and unwind.

What happened to the monster children who ate all their vegetables?
They gruesome.

What's it called when a vampire has trouble with his home?
A grave problem.

Why do ghosts have so much trouble dating?
Women can see right through them.

Why do you always find ghouls and demons together?
Because demons are a ghoul's best friend.

What do you call someone who puts poison in a person's corn flakes?
A cereal killer.

Four ghosts were playing poker when there was a knock at the door.
"Whooo is it?" they asked. "Rigor Mortis. May I set in?" (John S.
Crosbie)

JEST FOR KIDS * THE RIDDLES

What birds spend all their time on their knees?
Birds of pray! (Joanna)

What did the horse say when it fell?
"I've fallen and I can't giddyup!" (Bobby, 10)

What did the baby corn say to his mama?
I want my pop-corn (Jane, 7)

What happens when you put a light bulb in a suit of armor?
You have a knight light. (Betty Debnam: Mighty Funnies)

What do you get if you mix Snoopy and breakfast?
A beagle and cream cheese! (Betty Debnam: Mighty Funnies)

Why did the banana go to the hospital?
Because it didn't peel to well (Viviana, 10)

Why are owls invited to so many parties?
Because they are a hoot to have around. (Daily Groaner)

What did the mommy train say to the baby train during dinner?
Chew-chew! (Isabelle, 9)

Did you hear about the church that burned down?
Holy smokes! (Daily Groaner)

Why did the tomato blush?
He saw the salad dressing! (Kaitlyn, 11)

Why did the little moron shoot the alarm clock?
Because he felt like killing time. (Bill Edwards)

What did one battery say to the other?
"I got the power!" (Drew, 7)

Why do we sometimes call the Middle Ages the "Dark Ages"?
Because they had so many knights (Betty Debnam: Mighty Funnies)

What do you call a bunch of chickens playing hide-and-seek?
Fowl play! (Joanna)

What's the quietest place in the world?
The complaint department at the parachute packing plant. (Douglas
Helsel)

How do you get a cut-price parrot?
Plant bird seed! (Joanna)

Why are young boys like flannel?
Because they shrink from washing (Stan Kegel)

Why does the little moron save burned-out light bulbs?
So he can use them in his darkroom. (Bill Edwards)

What did the lobster major in at the police academy?
Claw enforcement. (Beckie Shiles)

What did they call the canary that flew into the pastry dish?
Tweetie Pie! (Joanna)

Who won the Kentucky Derby, types 180 words per minute, and can carry
10 times her own weight?
Secretary Ant! (Daily Groaner)

What's a good name for a gorilla?
Harry (Adrianna, 10)

What do you call a stolen Hershey bar?
Hot chocolate! (Lee Hogan)

What kind of birds do you usually find locked up?
Jail-birds! (Joanna)

What did the salt say to the pepper?
Season's Greetings. (Douglas Helsel)

What animals would you expect to pray?
The praying mantis, the church mouse, the holy see anemone and the
papal tiger (Michael Bass)

When was beef the highest it has ever been?
When the cow jumped over the moon. (Lee Hogan)

What do baby swans dance to?
Cygnet-ure-tunes! (Joanna)

What was Samuel Clemens's pen name?
He never named his pen. (Beckie Shiles)

Why don't crabs share?
Because they are shellfish (Chayanne, 9)

What do you call a crazy chicken?
A cuckoo cluck! (Joanna)

JEST FOR KIDS * THE PUNS

"But it's your senior photograph! Couldn't you have done something
about your hair?" (Albert Einstein's Mother)

An ancient Greek shoemaker ran home when there was an earthquake, only
to discover he had fallen arches (Mike Bull)

A bad shoemaker's assistant was given the boot (Pun of the Day)

A cowboy walks into a bar and orders a whisky. When the bartender
delivers the drink, the cowboy asks, "Where is everybody?" The
bartender replies, "They've gone to the hanging." "Hanging? Who are
they hanging?" "Brown Paper Pete," the bartender replied. "What kind of
a name is that?" the cowboy asked. "Well," says the bartender. "He
wears a brown paper hat, brown paper shirt, brown paper trousers and
brown paper shoes." "How bizarre," said the cowboy. "What are they
hanging him for?" "Rustling," said the bartender.

Lots of people thought Barbara was spoiled, but it was just the perfume
she was wearing... (Anne Kostick)

"That's a good story! Now tell me where you've really been for the
last forty years!"(Moses's Mother)

To kill a circus in one blow you need to go for the juggler (Pun of the
Day)

The organizational get together for a company football team is called a
kickoff meeting. (Mike Bull)

When business improved, the florist faced a rosy future. (Jumble:
Arnold & Argirlon)

A taxi cab company sign: Our goal is to drive away all of our customers.

This guy opened a school for horseback riding, but soon business fell
off? (Anne Kostick)

For some people the only puns they make are about dairy products,
because the rest are just too cheesy. When they think of one, they tend
to milk it for all it's worth. Usually I don't think they're gouda
enough, but we could find a whey to cream off the best ones. I cheddar
to think what they'll come out with next. (Ken Kramer)

Did you hear about the unique platypus?
He was unlike all the otters. (Arca Max)

Sign on a submarine: When we fight, we're not ashamed to take a dive!

Our company manufactures doors and we stand behind them. (Pun of the
Day)

Have you heard of the downfall of the bungee suppliers? (Joan DeGrave)

A tom cat and a tabby cat were courting on a back fence at night. The
tom leaned over to the tabby with pent up passion and purred... "I'll
die for you!" The tabby gazed at him from under lowered eye lids and
asked, "How many times? (LAB Laughs)

Lazy sailors look forward to chore leave. (Tony Thoennes)

Little Miss Mufffet was a girl who really knew how to make her whey in
the world. (Stan Kegel)

Checkers was invented starting at square one. (Pun of the Day)

A travel agency sign: We mean it when we say we want you to go away.

A bed is where people who are run down wind up. (Cheli)

When Crazy Glue was invented lots of people became attached to it (Tony
Thoennes)

To golf at your favorite course may require a long drive. You need to
wear your golfer's socks. The pair with a hole in one. (Mike Bull)

A diaper factory sign: Let us pamper your newborn baby.

The musicians didn't use the rickety platform because it was a banned
stand. (Jumble: Arnold & Argirlon)

PUNS IN THE COMICS

Kennedy Dime: "So, what's your money making scheme today, Arcade?"
Arcade token: "I'll be flipping at a celebrity tennis match. Ellen will
be participating in the fund raiser, so we can see… DeGeneres do a
fault." (Money Talks: Owen Lorion)

If your dog is fat, you're not getting enough exercise. (Graffiti: Gene
Mora)

Lincoln penny: "Arcade, I had you locked up." Arcade token: "Somebody
opened the safe." "So what were you bothering Cris (Columbus) about?"
"He's an old sailor, old salt, old tar. I was just giving him some
tips. Just trying to be generous to a salt." (Money Talks: Owen
Lorion)

At least egotists don't go around talking about other people.
(Graffiti: Gene Mora)

Arcade Token: "Have you seen these Dance Revolution arcade games?"
Lincoln penny: "Dances today are too wild! Our dances were more
stately, dignified, and took some practice!" "I do believe you're being
generous to a waltz." (Money Talks: Owen Lorion)

Why shouldn't speech be free? How much is most of it worth anyway?
(Graffiti: Gene Mora)

Dad, "Spell 'classic.' Son, "Use it in a sentence please." Younger
daughter, "Let me do it, Daddy! When Buggy chewed up his peanut butter
granola bar and opened his mouth real wide, it made everyone in the
class sick." (One Big Happy: Rick Detone)

Lincoln penny: "Lance Armstrong would be an ideal candidate for either
party. Just his name rings with Americanism!" Roosevelt dime: "But he'd
be especially popular with the environmentalists in the Green Party.
After all, he's really well known for recycling." (Money Talks: Owen
Lorion)

Couple at Loan Payments Oficer's desk. Officer says, "And I give thanks
for what I am about to receive." Wife to husband, "So much for that
grace period you asked for." (Pardon my planet: Vic Lee)

"The doctor says I have insomnia." "That's nothing to lose sleep over."
(Animal Crackers: Fred Wagner)

Never before has the dollar had such good-bying power. (Graffiti: Gene
Mora)

Girl selling "Spirital Advice" for ten cents, "The only way to be in
touch with the universe is to be in touch with yourself." Boy, "I
thought Father Duffy said that was a sin." (Soup to Nutz: Rick
Stromoski)

Confirmed bachelors go through life without a hitch. (Graffiti: Gene
Mora)

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