arizona humor Several Cute Ones ...

A man complained to his neighbor at the bar, "Yesterday, I thought I'd
solved all my problems. I thought I'd found a way to forget my
mother-in-law. I went to the pub and got drunk."

"Did it work?"

"No, when I got home I found two of her waiting."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Teddy came thundering down the stairs, much to his father's annoyance.
"Teddy," he called, "how many more times have I got to tell
you to come downstairs quietly? Now, go back upstairs and come down
like a civilized human being."
There was a silence, and Teddy reappeared in the front room.
"That's better," said his father, "now in future will you
always come down stairs like that."
"Suits me," said Teddy. "I slid down the railing."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*


Two men were finishing their work day and one said,
"I hate to go home! Every night I eat the same tasteless
food, wash the dishes, walk the dog, and then go to bed
alone."
His co-worker asked, "Why don't you find a nice girl
and get married?"
As the first man slammed his briefcase shut he replied,
"I AM married!"

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Once a blonde went to the library to get a book.
A few days later, she returns and says to librarian
at the counter, "This book was very boring. It had
too many characters and too many numbers, so I
would like to return it."
The librarian says to the other librarian, "So! You're
the person who took our phone book!"

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Science Sillies From 5th & 6th Graders
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
The spinal column is a long bunch of bones. The head sits
on the top, and you sit on the bottom.

It is so hot in some places that people there have to live
in other places.

Momentum is something you give a person when they go away.

Mushrooms always grow in damp places which is why they look
like umbrellas.

The alimentary canal is located in the northern part of Indiana.

Thunder is a rich source of loudness.

Some people can tell what time it is by looking at the sun,
but I never have been able to make out the numbers.

When planets run around and around in circles, we say they
are orbiting. When people do it, we say they are crazy.

One of the main causes of dust is DIRT.

A monsoon is a French gentleman.

To keep milk from turning sour, keep it in the cow.

Genetics explains why you look like your father, and if
you don't, why you should.

Water vapor gets together in a big cloud. When it gets big
enough to be called a drop, it does.

There is a tremendous weight pushing down on the center of
the Earth because so many people are stomping around there these
days.

The cause of perfume disappearing is evaporation. Evaporation
gets blamed for a lot of things people forget to put the top on.

You can listen to thunder and tell how close you came to
getting hit.

If you don't hear it, you got hit, so never mind.

*******************************************************************


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