arizona humor Useful phrases to use at work ...

Useful phrases to use at work

I don't work here. I'm a consultant.

Thank you. We're all refreshed and
challenged by your unique point of view.

I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

I will always cherish the initial misconceptions
I had about you.

I'm not being rude.
You're just insignificant.

I'm really easy to get along with
once you people learn to worship me.

The fact that no one understands
you doesn't mean you're an artist.

I don't know what your problem is,
but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

Any connection between your reality
and mine is purely coincidental.

I have plenty of talent and vision.
I just don't give a damn.

I'm already visualizing the duct tape
over your mouth.

It's a thankless job,
but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.

No, my powers can only be used for good.

How about *never*? Is *never* good for you?

I'm out of my mind,
but feel free to leave a message.

Who, me? I just wander from room to room.

It might look like I'm doing nothing,
but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy.

At least I have a positive attitude
about my destructive habits.

You are validating my inherent mistrust
of strangers.

I see you've set aside this special time
to humiliate yourself in public.

Someday, we'll look back on this,
laugh nervously and change the subject.
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