We're in love with cars...cars...cars...

* Freeway congestion is getting so bad, you can change a
tire without losing your place in line.

* All across the country rush hour traffic is bumper to
bumper. The next thing they'll be selling is
anti-perspirant to put under your car's fenders.

* Traffic is always heavy in both directions. There are
just as many people trying to get to whatever you're
trying to get away from.

* You have mixed feelings when you see an opening in rush
hour traffic. You're glad for the opening, but you wonder
who died.

* It's useless to print roadmaps anymore. You just get on
the highway and go wherever the other cars take you.

* The only way to get home from work on time is to take
the day off... even then, you're cutting it close.

* Traffic is so bad nowadays, a pedestrian is someone in a
hurry.

* You can sit on the highways forever. In fact, some
places have little exit ramps where you can pull over and
make a car payment.

* During rush hour the only way you can change lanes is to
buy the car driving next to you.

* Remember the good old days when traffic used to be
bumper to bumper? Now it's windshield wiper to windshield
wiper.

* Our highways have become insane asylums with turn
signals.

Who Makes The Coffee?

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.

The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."

The husband said, "You are in charge of the cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee"

Wife replies, "No you should do it, and besides it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."

Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."

So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and shows him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says

"HEBREWS"

Diner Humour

AT THE DINER, my breakfast arrived with only
three sausages instead of the usual four. The
waitress explained that the cook had dropped one
and was making another. Soon the cook dashed out
of the kitchen. 'Here you are,' he announced.
'It's the missing link!'

'Honey'

A couple, walking in the park, noticed a young man and woman
sitting on a bench, kissing.

'Why don't you do that?' said the wife.

'Honey,' replied her husband, 'I don't even know that woman!'

Rain, rain, go away!

The man had finally got around to taking all the broken
umbrellas to the repair shop. Next morning on his way to
his office, when he got up to leave the street car, he
absentmindedly laid hold of the umbrella belonging to the
woman beside him, for he was in the habit of carrying one.

The woman cried "Stop! Thief!", grabbed her umbrella back
and embarrassed the poor man no end!

That same day, he stopped at the repair shop, and received
all eight of his umbrellas duly restored. As he entered
the street car, with the unwrapped umbrellas tucked under
his arm, he was horrified to behold, glaring at him, the
lady of his morning's misadventure. Her voice came to him
charged with a withering scorn: "Had a good day, didn't
you!"


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Factoid
A chance of a woman having twins is increased after the age of 35. About 1 in 27 women will give birth to twins after this age. After 50 the chances of having twins is 1 in 9.


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The right man for the job...

HE SENT THE RIGHT MAN


A woman received a phone call that her daughter was very sick with a
fever. She left work and stopped by the pharmacy for some medication for
her daughter. Upon returning to her car, she found she had locked her
keys inside. She had to get home to her sick daughter, and didn't know what to
do. She called home and the baby sitter told her that her daughter was
getting worse.



The baby sitter suggested that she get a coat hanger to
unlock the door. The woman found an old rusty coat hanger on the ground,
as if someone else had locked their keys in their car. Then she looked at
the hanger and said, "I don't know how to use this."



She bowed her head and asked God for help. An old rusty car pulled up,

driven by a dirty, greasy, bearded man with a biker skull rag on his head.



The woman thought, Dear God, is this is what you sent to help me?" But she

was desperate, and thankful. The man got out of his car and asked if he could help.


She said "Yes, my daughter is very sick. I must get home to her.
Please, can you use this hanger to unlock my car? "



He said, SURE. "He walked over to the car and in seconds the car was opened.

She hugged the man and through her tears she said, THANK YOU SO MUCH!

You are a very nice man."


The man replied, "Lady, I ain't a nice man. I just got out of
prison for car theft. "



The woman hugged the man again and cried out
loud, "THANK YOU GOD FOR SENDING ME A PROFESSIONAL!"

New-fangled hospitals

A lady came to the hospital to visit a friend. She had not
been in a hospital for several years and felt very
ignorant about all the new technology. A technician
followed her onto the elevator, wheeling a large,
intimidating looking machine with tubes and wires and
dials.

'Boy, would I hate to be hooked up to that thing,' she
said.

'So would I,' replied the technician. 'It's a
floor-cleaning machine.'