Funny Jokes

5.14.2004

Minimalist Web Design - by Bill Austin

This is the Minimalist Web Design article that appeared on C Net Builder website on May 7, 1999. Please follow this link C Net Builder to see C Net Builder website it its entirety.
Minimalist Web Design

Famous Quotes Casserole Recipes Halloween Recipes Recipe

Christmas Funny Jokes Famous Quotes

Phoenix-area jobs in jeopardy Bill Austin quoted in Arizona Republic Article.

Bill Austin is the currently the Sales Manager for EVLiving.com - Your Guide to the East Valley

Famous Quotes Casserole Recipes Halloween Recipes Recipe

Christmas Funny Jokes Famous Quotes

5.12.2004

Things my mother taught me

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished
cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of
next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
'If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going
to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and! I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
'You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't
have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, They are going to freeze that
way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23 My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. My mother taught me JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

Famous Quotes Casserole Recipes Halloween Recipes Recipe

Christmas Funny Jokes Famous Quotes

Famous Quotes Casserole Recipes Halloween Recipes Recipe

Christmas Funny Jokes Famous Quotes

Famous Quotes Casserole Recipes Halloween Recipes Recipe

Christmas Funny Jokes Famous Quotes

5.11.2004

Three men died and stood in front of God.

God asked the first if he had been faithful to his wife. He admitted to two affairs during his marriage. God gave him a compact car to drive in heaven.

The second man admitted to only an affair and was given a midsize car.

The third man was asked the same question and said that he had been faithful to his wife until the day he died. God praised him and gave him a big luxury car.

A week later the three guys met in a parking lot. The man driving the luxury car began to cry.

"What's the matter?"

"I just passed my wife, and she was riding a bike!"

Famous Quotes Casserole Recipes Halloween Recipes Recipe

Christmas Funny Jokes Famous Quotes

5.09.2004

SEO - Search Engine Optimization and Site Placement Services - Optimization of Sites and Expert SEO Campaign Management

Famous Quotes Casserole Recipes Halloween Recipes Recipe

Christmas Funny Jokes Famous Quotes