Funny Jokes

6.19.2004

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World Wide Cook Books. Cookery Books, Recipes Books

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Member Space at Cox Communications: Famous Recipes Pages
Top Visited Famous Recipes Pages - May 2004

Famous Recipes Sites.
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6.18.2004

the loss of the SS titanic - Sinking of the Titanic

THE LOSS OF THE S. S. TITANIC ITS STORY AND ITS LESSONS BY LAWRENCE BEESLEY B. A. (_Cantab_.) Scholar of Gonville and Caius College ONE OF THE SURVIVORS PREFACE The circumstances in which this book came to be written are as follows. Some five weeks after the survivors from the Titanic landed in New York, I was the guest at luncheon of Hon. Samuel J. Elder and Hon. Charles T. Gallagher, both well-known lawyers in Boston. After luncheon I was asked to relate to those present the experiences of the survivors in leaving the Titanic and reaching the Carpathia.

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6.17.2004

diabetic recipes at Yahoo Groups
diabetic recipes

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RE: Is the IP layer the right place to support location information Bill Austin

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6.16.2004

[arizona_humor] Men will never learn

Due to inherit a fortune when his sickly, widower father died, a man
decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with. Going to a
singles' bar, he spotted a woman whose beauty took his breath away.

"I'm just an ordinary man," he said, walking up to her,
"but in just a week or two, my father will die and I'll inherit 20
million dollars."

The woman went home with the man, and the next day she became his
stepmother.

(Men will never learn)




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[arizona_humor] Ever wonder

Didja ever wonder? (cute little icons!)

Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little bottles
of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section
in a swimming pool?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

OK.... so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the Tampa
Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs," what does that make the Tennessee
Titans?


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one enjoys
it?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*


Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to
begin with?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives
a racecar is not called a racist?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

If lawyer s are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that
electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models
deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as
they get older; then it dawned on me .. they're cramming for their final exam.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we
supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the
postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the
others here for?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?



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[arizona_humor] No Subject


I pulled into a crowded parking lot and rolled down
> the car windows to make sure my Labrador Retriever had
> fresh air. She was stretched out on the back seat, and
> I wanted to impress upon her that she must remain
> there. I walked to the curb backward, pointing my
> finger at the car and saying emphatically, "Now you
> stay. Do you hear me? Stay! Stay!"
>
> The driver of a nearby car, perhaps noting that I am a
> blonde (??), gave me a strange look and said. "Why
> don't you just put it in park?"


LOL



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[arizona_humor] How to be Happy

I enjoyed this so much I had to share it. I've decided that if you want to
be happy all you need to do is be born a man.

What do you expect from such simple creatures!?

Your last name stays put.

The garage is all yours.

Wedding plans take care of themselves.

Chocolate is just another snack.

You can be president.

You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.

You can wear NO T-shirt to a water park.

Car mechanics tell you the truth.

The world is your urinal.

You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

Wrinkles add character.

Wedding dress -- $5000; tux rental -- $100.

People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.

The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.

New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

One mood, ALL the time.

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

You know stuff about tanks.

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.

You can open all your own jars.

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.

Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

You never have strap problems in public.

You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

Everything on your face stays its original color.

The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.

You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life.

Your belly usually hides your big hips.

One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.

You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.

You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.

You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives, on December 24, in 45
minutes.

No wonder men are happier!



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[arizona_humor] Flying high

On the way back to New York as I was sitting in the
Phoenix airport, they announced that a flight to Las Vegas
was full. The airline was looking for volunteers to give
up their seats. In exchange, they'd give you a $100
voucher for your next flight and a first class seat in the
plane leaving an hour later.

About eight people ran up to the counter to take advantage
of the offer. About 15 seconds later all eight of those
people sat down grumpily as the lady behind the ticket
counter said, "If there is anyone else OTHER than the
flight crew who'd like to volunteer, please step forward."

Thelly, the Storylady, Cardiff by the Sea
For a virtual visit go to http://www.lifestorywriting.net/
Join the fun at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/lifestory/
For Quiet Moments http://www.gospelcom.net/rbc/odb/odb.shtml
Seeking? http://www.reasons4faith.org/
Troubled with? http://www.troubledwith.com




[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]




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6.15.2004

[arizona_humor] Calendar



The all nude police officer calendar for 2004 comes in an
all-male

and an all-female version. All pics show full frontal nudity,
for both

female and male versions. Just click on the menu to select which
one you want to view. They are available for sale on the site -- the
calendars, not the officers. Click on the site below to view all 12 (24) totally nude
peace officers.



http://www.richstevens.com/NAKED.swf



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[arizona_humor] Health and wealth

Jack has died. His lawyer is standing before the family
and reads out Jack's last will and testament.

"To my dear wife Esther, I leave the house, 50 acres of
land, and one million dollars. To my son Barry, I leave my
big Lexus and the Jaguar. To my daughter Suzy, I leave my
yacht and $250,000. And to my brother-in-law Jeff, who
always insisted that health is better than wealth, I leave
my sun lamp."

Thelly, the Storylady, Cardiff by the Sea
For a virtual visit go to http://www.lifestorywriting.net/
Join the fun at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/lifestory/
For Quiet Moments http://www.gospelcom.net/rbc/odb/odb.shtml
Seeking? http://www.reasons4faith.org/
Troubled with? http://www.troubledwith.com




[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]




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Wireless LAN Weblog
Site: Wireless LAN
Feed: RSS Feed
Wireless LAN information and resources. News and opinions on wireless lan.

High Tech Directory - Computers: Data Communications: Wireless

Wireless LAN


Wireless LAN


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6.14.2004

[arizona_humor] New Glasses

A woman walks in a store to return a pair of eyeglasses that she had
purchased for her husband a week before.

"What seems to be the problem, madam?"

"I'm returning these glasses I bought for my husband. He's still not seeing
things my way."



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[arizona_humor] Have you heard these...............

1. Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. The ceremony

> > wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

> >

> > 2. Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my electron."

> > The other says, "Are you sure?"

> > The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive."

> >

> > 3. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you,

> > but don't start anything."

> >

> > 4. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

> > A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry we don't serve

>food

> > in here."

> >

> > 5. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

> >

> > 6. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says:

>"A

> > beer please, and one for the road."

> >

> > 7. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this

>taste

> > funny to you?"

> >

> > 8. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'" "That

> > sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."

> > "Is it common?"

> > "It's Not Unusual."

> >

> > 9. Two cows standing next to each other in a field, Daisy says to Dolly,

>"I

> > was artificially inseminated this morning."

> > "I don't believe you," said Dolly.

> > "It's true - no bull!" exclaimed Daisy.

> >

> > 10. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to

> > look at either.

> >

> > 11. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

> >

> > 12. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's cross-eyed,

>is

> > there anything you can do for him?"

> > "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him." So he picks

> > the dog up and

> > examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says, "I'm going to

> > have to put him down."

> > "What? Just because he's cross-eyed?"

> > "No, because he's really heavy."

> >

> > 13. Apparently, one in five people in the world are Chinese. And there
are

> > five people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mom
or

> > my dad, or maybe my older brother Colin or my younger brother Ho Cha

>Chung.

> > But I'm pretty sure it's Colin.

> >

> > 14. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't

>find

> > any.

> >

> > 15. I went to the butcher's the other day and I bet him 50 bucks that he

> > couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf.

> > He said, "No, the steaks are too high."

> >

> > 16. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted,

> > "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!"

> > The doctor replied, "Of course you can't - I've amputated your arms!"

> >

> > 17. I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

> >

> > 18. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire

>in

> > the craft, it sank, proving that you can't have your kayak and heat it

>too.

> >

> > 19. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

> >

> > 20. Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, "Is the bar tender here?"

> >



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[arizona_humor] Duh!

Mr. Smith was a traveling salesman and frequent flyer, so
he was always very, VERY careful to mark his luggage so
that no one would mistakenly take his bags. He always did
this carefully, with bright ribbons and tape, so he was
quite surprised to see his bags grabbed by a well dressed
man.

Mr. Smith pointed out the colored ribbons tied to the
handle, and the fluorescent tape on the sides. "Were your
bags marked like this?", he asked.

"Actually", the man replied, "I was wondering who did this
to my luggage."


Thelly, the Storylady, Cardiff by the Sea
For a virtual visit go to http://www.lifestorywriting.net/
Join the fun at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/lifestory/
For Quiet Moments http://www.gospelcom.net/rbc/odb/odb.shtml
Seeking? http://www.reasons4faith.org/
Troubled with? http://www.troubledwith.com




[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]




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flower gardens and flower gardening
Manual of Gardening, including, gardening pests, Vegetables, Trees, and Flowers and other Ornamental Plants.

growing carnations

Poems about Summer - Summer Hours - Ballads by Horatio Alger, Jr. 1875 (Odes, Poems)


Vegetable Gardens and Vegetable Gardening and gardening plans
Manual of Gardening (Second Edition), by L. H. Bailey - - Gardening and Gardens Books, Flower Gardens, Fruit Gardening, Vegetable Gardening, gardening plans, Plant Growing and How to Grow Plants

classes of plants

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Wireless LAN Resources
Wireless LAN is a flexible data communications system implemented to extend or substitute for, a wired LAN. Radio frequency (RF) technology is used by a wireless LAN to transmit and receive data over the air, minimizing the need for wired connections. A WLAN (Wireless Local Area Network) enables data connectivity and user mobility.

Wireless LAN Site
Wireless LAN

Wireless LAN Mailing List
Wireless LAN

Wireless LAN Top Sites List
Wireless LAN

A Wireless LAN is frequently used to augment and enhance a wired LAN network rather than as a replacement.

Wireless LAN Weblog
Wireless LAN

Wireless LAN Forum (WLAN Forum) Online Threaded Discussion Groups
WLAN


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Cash Advance and Payday Loans
If you need a cash advance or a payday loan, then here are some resources for you.

You can pre-qualify for a cash advance here.


Cash Advances and payday loans are available from several sources through this site.


Cash loans and fast cash are available. Check the terms and conditions of these cash loans carefully.


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6.13.2004

Bill Austin

Resume of Bill Austin . Bill Austin Sites . Famous Quotes


Famous Quotes . Wireless LAN . Famous Quotes


Who the Heck is Bill Austin? . Bill Austin in the Maricopa County Fair 2004 Exhibitor Handbook 7-1 . Bill Austin quoted in the newspaper


Bill Austin was one of the authors of this Bluetooth Security White Paper when he was Chairman of the Bluetooth SIG Security Experts Group. This copy on the Bluetooth SIG site ranks well for both Bill Austin and Bluetooth . Bill Austin on cellular safety and responsibility while driving . Bill Austin re: WAP Service Provider Business Model


An obscure Bill Austin reference in APCUG Reports October '98 "The Rapidly Changing Face of Computing. Another obscure reference: Whatever became of Industry Commentary Subscription Series (ICSS) Bill Austin Chair

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