Funny Jokes

7.01.2004

[arizona_humor] Chicken joke

A guy named David received a parrot for his birthday. The parrot was
fully-grown, with a bad attitude and even worse vocabulary. Every other
word was a swear word. Those that weren't expletives were, to say the
least, rude. David tried hard to change the bird's attitude and was
constantly saying polite words, playing soft music, and doing anything
he could think of to try and set a good example. Nothing worked. He yelled
at the bird and the bird yelled back. He shook the bird and the bird just
got angrier and ruder.

Finally, in a moment of desperation, David put the parrot in the freezer.
For a few moments he heard the bird squawk and kick and scream. Then
suddenly there was quiet. Not a sound for half a minute.

David was frightened that he might have hurt the bird, and quickly
opened the freezer door. The parrot calmly stepped out onto David's extended
arm and said, "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and
actions. I will endeavor at once to correct my behavior. I really am truly
sorry and beg your forgiveness."

David was astonished at the bird's change in attitude and was about to
ask what had caused such a dramatic change, when the parrot continued, "May
ask what the chicken did?"


Thelly, the Storylady, Cardiff by the Sea
For a virtual visit go to http://www.lifestorywriting.net/
Join the fun at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/lifestory/
For Quiet Moments http://www.gospelcom.net/rbc/odb/odb.shtml
Seeking? http://www.reasons4faith.org/
Troubled with? http://www.troubledwith.com







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Famous Quotes Casserole Recipes Halloween Recipes Recipe

Christmas Funny Jokes Famous Quotes

[arizona_humor] Up, up and away!

While ferrying workers back and forth from our offshore
oil rig, the helicopter I was on lost power and went down.
Fortunately, it landed safely in a lake. Struggling to
get out, one man tore off his seat belt, inflated his life
vest and jerked open the exit door.

"Don't jump!" the pilot called out. "This thing is
supposed to float!"

As the man leapt from the helicopter into the lake, he
yelled back, "Yeah, and it's supposed to fly too!"


Thelly, the Storylady, Cardiff by the Sea
For a virtual visit go to http://www.lifestorywriting.net/
Join the fun at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/lifestory/
For Quiet Moments http://www.gospelcom.net/rbc/odb/odb.shtml
Seeking? http://www.reasons4faith.org/
Troubled with? http://www.troubledwith.com




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[arizona_humor] File - This list has something for everyone.


This list has something for everyone.

Mailing Lists, Web Sites, Webrings,
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The newest mailing list is available here:

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/christmascards/

It is called Christmas Cards (from the edge?) but we are not yet sure what it will end up being.
Join and contribute ideas if you have an interest in helping get that going.

Thank you,
K&B

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Famous Quotes Casserole Recipes Halloween Recipes Recipe

Christmas Funny Jokes Famous Quotes

6.30.2004

JOHN KERRY and THE WISE PRIEST

The Kerry campaign asked the local priest to mention in his homily that John Kerry is a saint.
The priest, a devout Catholic, began his homily by saying, "John Kerry is a crook. John Kerry is a liar. John Kerry is a fraud. John Kerry is an adulterer. John Kerry is one of the worst Catholics I have ever met. But compared to Bill Clinton, he's a saint!"

Famous Quotes Casserole Recipes Halloween Recipes Recipe

Christmas Funny Jokes Famous Quotes

[arizona_humor] Hospital regulations!

Hospital regulations require a wheelchair for patients
being discharged. However, while working as a student
nurse, I found one elderly gentleman--already dressed and
sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet--who
insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital.
After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let
me sheel him to the elevator. On the way down I asked him
if his wife was meeting him.

"I don't know," he said. "She's still upstairs in the
bathroom changing out of her hospital gown."

Thelly, the Storylady, Cardiff by the Sea
For a virtual visit go to http://www.lifestorywriting.net/
Join the fun at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/lifestory/
For Quiet Moments http://www.gospelcom.net/rbc/odb/odb.shtml
Seeking? http://www.reasons4faith.org/
Troubled with? http://www.troubledwith.com




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Silly Stories
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Famous Quotes Casserole Recipes Halloween Recipes Recipe

Christmas Funny Jokes Famous Quotes

6.29.2004

Famous Quotes Casserole Recipes Halloween Recipes Recipe

Christmas Funny Jokes Famous Quotes

1. ARBITRATOR: A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonalds.

2. AVOIDABLE: What a bullfighter tried to do.

3. BERNADETTE: The act of torching a mortgage.

4. BURGLARIZE: What a crook sees with..

5. CONTROL: A short, ugly inmate.

6. COUNTERFEITERS: Workers who put together kitchen cabinets.

7. ECLIPSE: What an English barber does for a living.

8. EYEDROPPER: A clumsy ophthalmologist.

9. HEROES: What a guy in a boat does.

10. LEFTBANK: What the robber did when his bag was full of money.

11. MISTY: How golfers create divots.

12. PARADOX: Two physicians.

13. PARASITES: What you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower.

14. PHARMACIST: A helper on the farm.

15. POLARIZE: What penguins see with.

16. PRIMATE: Removing your spouse from in front of the TV.

17. RELIEF: What trees do in the spring.

18. RUBBERNECK: What you do to relax your wife.

19. SELFISH: What the owner of a seafood store does.

20. SUDAFED: Brought litigation against a government official.

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Love Songs Love Poems Love Quotes Love Songs

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Buy "Naked Pictures of Famous People" by Jon Stewart
Naked Pictures of Famous People

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US Government Making Our Laws:

So if the US government determines that it is against the law for the words "under God" to be on our money, then, so be it.

And if that same government decides that the "Ten Commandments" are not to be used in or on a government installation, then, so be it.

And since they already have prohibited any prayer in the schools, on which they deem their authority, then so be it.

I say, "so be it," because I would like to be a law abiding US citizen.

I say, "so be it," because I would like to think that smarter people than I are in positions to make good decisions.

I would like to think that those people have the American Publics' best
interests at heart.

BUT, YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE I'D LIKE?

Since we can't pray to God, can't Trust in God and cannot Post His Commandments in Government buildings, I don't believe the Government and it's employees should participate in the Easter and Christmas celebrations which honor the God that our government is eliminating from many facets of American life.

I'd like my mail delivered on Christmas, Good Friday, Thanksgiving & Easter.
After all, it's just another day.

I'd like the US Supreme Court to be in session on Christmas, Good Friday, Thanksgiving & Easter as well as Sundays. After all, it's just another day.

I'd like the Senate and the House of representatives to not have to worry about getting home for the "Christmas Break." After all it's just another day.

I'm thinking that a lot of my taxpayer dollars could be saved, if all government offices & services would work on Christmas, Good Friday & Easter. It shouldn't cost any overtime since those would be just like any other day of the week to a government that is trying to be "politically correct". In fact.... I think that our government should work on Sundays (initially set aside for worshipping God...) because, after all, our government says that it should be just another day....

What do you all think???? If this idea gets to enough people, maybe our elected officials will stop giving in to the minority opinions and begin, once again, to represent the majority of ALL of the American people.

So be it...........

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6.28.2004

Arizona High Tech Directory - gardening books gardening books

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6.27.2004

Breast Cancer Research Stamp

Breast Cancer Stamp

The Breast Cancer Research semipostal was issued on July 29, 1998, at a first day ceremony held in the White House. It was the first semipostal in U.S. history.

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8 Polite Ways To Say Your Zipper Is Down

8. The cucumber has left the salad.

7. You need to bring your tray table to the upright and locked position.

6. Paging Mr. Johnson .. Paging Mr. Johnson.

5. Elvis has left the building.

4. The Buick is not all the way in the garage.

3. Our next guest is someone who needs no introduction.

2. Men may be From Mars... but I can see something that rhymes with Venus.

And the #1 way to tell someone his zipper is unzipped.

1. You've got your fly set for "Monica" instead of "Hillary."

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