KIDS PUNS OF THE WEAK for the week ending 08-10-04
JEST FOR KIDS * THE RIDDLES
Why did the fool take 16 friends to the movies?
The sign said, "Under 17 not admitted!" (William Brabant)
Where do specters travel?
From ghost to ghost (Tei, 8)
What is the turtle's motto?
"All's shell that ends shell!" (Betty Debnam: Mighty Funnies)
What do you say to a chicken before a performance?
"Break an egg!" Josh, 10)
How do you make a hot dog stand?
Take away its chair! (Daily Groaner)
What stays in the corner but travels around the world?
A stamp! (Tayler, 10)
How did Mr. Cringle transverse the road by the Waffle Hut?
He Kris crossed (Gary Hallock)
What did one penny say to the other?
Lets make some cents. (Cydney,9)
Why did the man pour veggies all over the world?
He wanted peas on Earth. (Daily Groaner)
What is the difference between mass and weight?
Mass is where Catholics go on Sunday and weight is where sundaes go on
Catholics. (Tim Davis)
What kind of seat do baby ghosts sit in?
A Boo-ster seat! (Darnell, 8)
Were you a windshield repairman?
I tried, but I couldnâ¬"t get a brake. (Frank Stewart)
Did you hear the story about the peacock?
It's a beautiful tail! (Daily Groaner)
What do you call a person who washes whales?
A blubber scrubber (Betty Debnam: Mighty Funnies)
Why did the fool bake a chicken for 3 and a half days?
It said cook it for half an hour per pound, and she weighed 125.
(William Brabant)
Whatâ¬"s a fishâ¬"s favorite TV show?
Name that Tuna (Eddie, 11)
When are sheep like ink?
When they are in a pen. (Daily Groaner)
What did the gas station owner name his son?
Phillip (Kyle, 11)
Why did the guy buy lots of pens before starting his new job?
He wanted to make his mark. (Mike Bull)
Why can't a seagull land in the bay?
Because then he'd be a bagel! (Meredalisha)
Why are movie stars so cool?
Because they have many fans! (Daily Groaner)
Why did the fool climb over the glass wall?
To see what was on the other side. (Lorraine A. Bellis)
What washes up on small beaches?
Microwaves (Dorian, 11)
How do praying mantises gather?
In sects. (Lederer & Ertner)
What does a bee wear when it is cold?
A Yellow Jacket (Sophia, 7)
Where did the tree trimmer apply for a bank loan?
At the branch office (Jumble: Arnold & Argirlon)
Which line did the comedian stand in at the dance?
The punch line (Laura, 11)
How did the ex-convict get a job at the music store?
They found out he had a record. (Mike Benny)
What do you get when you cross a chicken with a millipede?
Drumsticks for everyone. (Guadalupe, 7)
Why did the Church for Athiests fail?
Because there was no prophet in it (Stan Kegel)
What do you call two witches who live together?
Broom-mates. (Rosie Oâ¬"Donnell)
Which building has the most stories?
The library (Steven, 9)
What was the biologist doing at the store?
He was looking for new genes). (Mike Benny)
Why is Alabama the smartest state?
Because it has 4 As and one B! (Jazminn, 13)
JEST FOR KIDS * THE PUNS
I know a man who put all his money in just two stocks, a paper-towel
company and a revolving-door outfit. He was wiped out before he could
turn around." (Dave Astor)
The sheet music at the warehouse, was piled high as they prepared to
send it out the door. On a clef pallet. (Bob Dvorak)
The two inventors of the radio were on the same wavelength. (Pun of the
Day)
When business dropped at his music store, he "drummed it up". (Jumbl
medical book is one which has no appendix. (Mike Bull)
I met her at the coroner store; she made me autopsy turvy inside. She
was morgue than I cadaver ask for, so I asked her to bury me. It just
felt rite. (David Reihmer)
Drinking too much coffee can cause a latte problems. (Tony Thoennes)
Confucius says â¬She who smoke pot, choke on handle.⬠(Judy K.)
Painters are discolored. (Douglas Helsel)
"What are you reading?" "It's a book about electricity." "Oh, current
events?" "No, just some light reading." (Ted Wilson)
The first time horses tried to pull a carriage, it went without a
hitch. (Pun of the Day)
The Britisher who lost all his small change was dispenced. (Cynthia
MacGregor)
The music professor scolded the violin students because they fiddled
around. (Jumble: Arnold & Argirlon)
I think there ought to be a scent tax on car exhausts; something like
one cent per fume. (Joseph Harris)
A church welcomed all denominations but preferred tens and twenties.
(Tony Thoennes)
A music store was robbed. The thief made away with the lute. (Pun of
the Day)
Your nose is the scenter of your face (Mike Bull)
Do lifeguards read "Buoy's Life?" (Gary Hallock)
On a rainy day the kids turned the den into a â¬Swreck⬠room. (Jumble:
Arnold & Argirlon)
PUNS IN THE COMICS
Girl: "There's a new diet where you don't eat any carbohydrates." Boy:
"What's carbohydrates?" G: "No bread. No cereal. No rice. No potatoes.
No chips, crackers or pretzels at all!" B: "That would drive me
starch-craving mad." (Soup to Nutz: Rick Stromoski)
Policeman to motorist: â¬SI just ran a check of your plates. Seems you
have two outstanding warrants.⬠Motorist: â¬SThanks. Iâ¬"m pretty fond of
them myself.⬠(The Duplex: Glenn McCoy)
"No matter what you do to this rose bush, the flowers keep coming back
again." "Bloomeraangs!" (Frank & Ernest: Bob Thaves)
â¬SAunt Winnie, can you help me with my algebra homework?⬠â¬SIâ¬"ll do the
best I can, Triggie, but you know, itâ¬"s a fact that four out of three
people struggle with math.⬠(Flo & Friends: Gibel & Campbell)
Obituary: Farley Fuzznutter. Farley was a grand old gentleman. He was
a pillar of the community and the owner of the Fuzznutter Company where
he made a fortune selling menâ¬"s clothes. Then he blew it all on one
skirt. (Shoe: Cassett & Brookins)
A closed mind is often expressed through a big mouth. (Graffiti: Gene
Mora)
Gossips have a keen sense of rumor. (Graffiti: Gene Mora)
Forgers try to write a wrong (Graffiti: Gene Mora)
Limiting atomic testing is nuclear fiction. (Graffiti: Gene Mora)
Middle age is when those lifetime warranties start to wear out.
(Graffiti: Gene Mora)
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