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11.12.2004

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Grandpa and Blind Date

Ask Grandpa ... plus Blind Date

Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, a pretty girl asked, "I want to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?"

"Only one kiss per yard, " replied the smirking male clerk.

"That's fine," replied the girl. "I'll take ten yards."

With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk hurriedly measured out and wrapped the cloth, then held it out teasingly.

The girl snapped up the package and pointed to a little old man standing beside her. "Grandpa will pay the bill," she smiled.

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Blind Date

Joe sets up his friend Michael to go on a blind date with a friend of a friend of his. But Mike is a little worried about going out with someone he's never seen before. "What do I do if she's ugly?" says Mike, "I'll be stuck with her all night."

"Don't worry," Joe says, "just go up to her door and meet her first. If you like what you see, then everything goes as planned. If you don't just shout 'Aaaaaauuuggghhh!' and fake an asthma attack. That'll give you an excuse to cancel the date right then and there."

So that night, Mike knocks at the girl's door and when she comes out he is awe-struck at how beautiful and sexy she is. He's about to speak when the girl suddenly shouts:

"Aaaaaauuuggghhh!"


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11.11.2004

Arizona Humor

Q: What type of dog does Dracula have?
A: A bloodhound.
---------------

Q: What do you get when you cross a turkey with a ghost?
A: Poultrygeist.

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11.09.2004

North American Vending provides your business the Highest Quality Vending Machines in the Industry

Outsourcing

A co-worker recently adopted a baby girl from China.

Luckily, her crib, clothes and toys were all made there,
so she should feel right at home here.



North American Vending


Want To Be On That Plane?

A recruit in Navy boot camp got on the wrong side of his Company Commander and was ordered to do push-ups. As the recruit neared triple digits, an airliner flew overhead.

"I bet you wish you were on that plane, don'tcha?" sneered the Company Commander.

"No, sir," said the unlucky recruit.

"Why wouldn't you want to be on that plane?"

"Because," the recruit grunted between grueling push-ups, "that plane's landing. I want to be on one that's leaving."

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11.08.2004

Featured in the Wall Street Journal and USA Today, the Beloved SPAM(R) Museum is Celebrated With Miniature, Exclusive, Ceramic Lighted Building

Featured in the Wall Street Journal and USA Today, the Beloved SPAM(R) Museum is Celebrated With Miniature, Exclusive, Ceramic Lighted Building

November 2004 (Newstream) -- This holiday season, SPAM(TM) fans, SPAM(R) Museum visitors and people everywhere will once again be able to not only visit the SPAM Museum, but also take a piece of it home with them.

The 16,500-square-foot SPAM Museum, located in Austin, Minn., home of Hormel Foods Corporation and maker of the SPAM(R) family of products, last year was immortalized in a beautifully-designed, exclusive, ceramic lighted building created by the leading collectible and giftware company, Department 56. The SPAM Museum piece, which retails for $63.25, is available exclusively at the SPAM(R) Shop at the SPAM Museum and via www.spamgift.com, the official Web site catalog for SPAM, or by calling 800-LUV-SPAM and pressing "4." The piece can be ordered now via www.spamgift.com for delivery in time for the holidays.

Almost 170,000 people from all over the world have visited the SPAM Museum since it opened in September 2001. The SPAM Museum pays homage to the 67-year history and unprecedented excitement SPAM has inspired for generations of people worldwide.

"SPAM is a part of American culture," said Shawn Radford, SPAM Museum manager. "What better way to celebrate the brand's history than being able to share it with SPAM fans everywhere with this SPAM Museum collectible piece?"

About Hormel Foods Corporation
Hormel Foods Corporation, based in Austin, Minn., is a multinational manufacturer and marketer of consumer-branded food and meat products, many of which are among the best known and trusted in the food industry. The company leverages its extensive expertise, innovation and high competencies in pork and turkey processing and marketing to bring quality, value-added brands to the global marketplace. In 2001, 2002, 2003 and 2004, Hormel Foods was named one of "The 400 Best Big Companies in America" by Forbes magazine. The company enjoys a strong reputation among consumers, retail grocers, and foodservice and industrial customers for products highly regarded for quality, taste, nutrition, convenience and value. For more information, visit www.hormel.com.

Department 56 Inc.
Department 56, Inc. is a leading collectible and giftware company that recognizes the importance of celebrating life's extraordinary moments - Holidays, Special Days and Every Day. Best known for its lighted Village buildings, Snowbabies(TM) Figurines and extensive holiday and special occasion product lines, the company designs and develops festive giftware with the highest principles of quality and creativity. Department 56 also offers Geppeddo brand dolls, doll accessories and plush items.

Based in Eden Prairie, Minn., Department 56 sells its products through approximately 14,000 wholesale customers who operate gift, specialty and department store locations in the United States and Canada, company-operated retail stores and seasonal kiosks throughout the United States, direct mail catalog companies and international distributors. The company's four year-round retail locations are at the Mall of America in Bloomington, Minn., the DOWNTOWN DISNEY(R) district at the Disneyland(R) Resort in California, the Desert Passage Shops in Las Vegas, Nev., and The Florida Mall in Orlando, Fla. A fifth retail location is scheduled to open in early November at Water Tower Place in Chicago, Ill. Through its Time to Celebrate(TM) division, the company sells holiday and seasonal giftware assortments direct to the consumer at home shows. For more information about Department 56 Inc., visit www.department56.com.

_____________________________________

Produced for Hormel Foods Corporation

Contact:

Hormel Foods:
Julie Craven
507-437-5345

Fleishman-Hillard for Hormel Foods:
Andrea Larson
612-573-3154

_________________________

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11.07.2004

arizona humor How Dogs And Men Are The Same:

How Dogs And Men Are The Same:
Both take up too much space on the bed.
Both have irrational fears about vacuum cleaning.
Both mark their territory.
Neither tells you what's bothering them.
The smaller ones tend to be more nervous.
Both have an inordinate fascination with women's crotches.
Neither does any dishes.
Both fart shamelessly.
Neither of them notice when you get your hair cut.
Both like dominance games.
Both are suspicious of the postman.
Neither understands what you see in cats.

How Dogs Are Better Than Men:
Dogs do not have problems expressing affection in public.
Dogs miss you when you're gone.
Dogs feel guilty when they've done something wrong.
Dogs admit when they're jealous.
Dogs are very direct about wanting to go out.
You can train a dog.
Dogs are easy to buy for.
The worst social disease you can get from dogs is fleas.
Dogs understand what "no" means.
Dogs mean it when they kiss you.
Dogs do not play games with you-except fetch (and they never laugh at how you throw.)

Top Ten Reasons Why A Dog Is Better Than A Woman:
A dog's parents will never visit you.
A dog loves you when you leave your clothes on the floor.
A dog limits its time in the bathroom to a quick drink.
A dog never expects you to telephone.
A dog will not get mad at you if you forget its birthday.
A dog does not care about the previous dogs in your life.
A dog does not get mad at you if you pet another dog
A dog never expects flowers on Valentine's Day.
The later you are, the happier a dog is to see you.
A dog does not shop.

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