Halloween Jokes

What kind of dog does Dracula have? 
A Bloodhound 


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What do you give a vampire with a cold? 
Coffin Drops! 


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Why did the vampire quit the baseball team? 
They would only let him be BAT boy 


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Why don't mummies take vacations? 
They're afraid they'll relax and unwind. 


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Why do demons and ghouls hang out together? 
Because demons are a ghouls best friend 


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What does Tweety Bird say on Halloween? 
Twick or Tweet  


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What kind of cereal do monsters eat? 
Ghost-Toasties 


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 What has webbed feet, feathers, fangs and goes quack-quack? 
Count Duckula 

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Where do spooks water ski? 
On Lake Erie 

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What happened to the guy who didn't pay his exorcist? 
He was repossessed 


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Why don't angry witches ride their brooms? 
They're afraid of flying off the handle 


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Who won the skeleton beauty contest? 
No body 

Halloween Sayings

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What do skeletons say before they begin dining? 
Bone appetit ! 


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Where do baby ghosts go during the day? 
Dayscare centers 

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Halloween Movie Rules:

Halloween Movies Webring

# When it appears that you have killed the monster, *never* check to see if it's really dead.

# Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.

# If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at least twice, 
more if you are of the female persuasion. Also note that, despite the fact that 
you are running and the monster is merely shambling along, it's still moving 
fast enough to catch up with you.

# If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behavior 
such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness, 
and so on, get away from them as fast as possible.

# Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are listed here: 
Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Nilbog (you're in trouble if you recognize this one), 
the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in Maine.

# Do not search the basement, especially if the power has just gone out.

# If appliances start operating by themselves, move out.

# Do not take *anything* from the dead.

# If you find a town which looks deserted, it's probably for a reason. 
Take the hint and stay away.

# Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure you know 
what you are doing.

# If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which they 
should not know, or if they speak to you using a voice which is other than their own, 
shoot them immediately. It will save you a lot of grief in the long run. 
NOTE: It will probably take several rounds to kill them, so be prepared.

# When you have the benefit of numbers, *never* pair off and go it alone.

# As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.

# Never stand in, on, above, below, beside, or anywhere near a grave, tomb, crypt, 
mausoleum, or other house of the dead.

# If you're searching for something which caused a noise and find out that it's just the cat, 
*leave the room immediately if you value your life.*

# If your car runs out of gas at night, do not go to the nearby deserted-looking house to phone for help.

# Beware of strangers bearing tools such as chainsaws, staple guns, hedge trimmers,
electric carving knives, combines, lawnmowers, butane torches, soldering irons, band saws, 
or any device made from deceased companions.


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Who did Frankenstein take to the prom? 
His ghoul friend 


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What's a monster's favorite play? 
Romeo and Ghouliet 


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What does a ghost eat for lunch? 
 A BOO-logna sandwich 

Halloween Recipes

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Where do mummies go for a swim? 
To the dead sea 


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What's the ratio of a pumpkin's circumference to its diameter? 
Pumpkin Pi 


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Where do ghosts buy their food? 
 At the ghost-ery store 


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Where do ghosts mail their letters? 
At the ghost office 


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What's a ghosts favorite ride at the carnival? 
The roller ghoster 

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Halloween Party 
  
 
A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party. 

She got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. 

He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was 
going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need of his 
good time being spoiled by not going. 

So he took his costume and away he went.

The wife, after sleeping soundly for one hour, awakened without pain, 
and as it was still early, she decided to go to the party. In as much as her husband 
did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching 
her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.

She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, 
dancing with every nice chick he could, and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there. 

His wife sidled up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his partner 
high and dry and devoted his time to the new stuff that had just arrived.

She let him go as far as he wished; naturally, since he was her husband. 

Finally he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they 
went to one of the cars and had a little bang.

Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the Halloween costume 
away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make for his behavior.

She was sitting up reading when he came in and asked what kind of a time he had. 
He said, "Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there."

Then she asked, "Did you dance much?"

He replied, "I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance. 

When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, 
so we went into the den and played poker all evening. 

But I'll tell you... the guy I loaned my costume to sure had a real good time!" 


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How do you mend a broken Jack-o-lantern? 
With a pumpkin patch 


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When does a skeleton laugh? 
When something tickles his funny bone 


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Why was the mummy so tense? 
He was all wound up 


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Where did the goblin throw the football? 
Over the ghoul line 

Halloween Quotations

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What does a skeleton orders at a restaurant? 
Spare ribs 


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What do goblins mail home while on vacation? 
Ghostcards 


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What is a ghost's favorite party game? 
Hide-and-go-shriek 


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What do baby ghosts wear on their feet? 
Boo-ties! 


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What did the boy ghost say to the girl ghost? 
You look boo-tiful tonight 


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What is a ghost favorite article of clothing? 
Boojeans 


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What does a ghost put on his cereal in the morning? 
Boonanas and Booberries 


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 What kind of roads do ghosts haunt? 
Dead Ends 


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Who did the ghost invite to his party? 
Anyone he could dig up! 


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What is a monster's favorite food? 
Ghoul scout cookies 


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What did the skeleton say while riding his Harley Davidson motorcycle? 
I'm bone to be wild! 


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Why does Dracula consider himself a good artist? 
Because he likes to draw blood! 


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When do gholes cook their victims? 
On Fry Day 


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What's a vampire's favorite candy? 
A sucker 


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What do you call a ghost with a broken leg? 
Hoblin Goblin 


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What do goblins and ghosts drink when they're hot and thirsty on Halloween? 

Ghoul-aid!!! 


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When does a ghost have breakfast? 
In the moaning. 


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What do ghosts drink at breakfast? 
Coffee with scream and sugar. 


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What do you call a witch who lives at the beach? 
A sand-witch 


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What do ghosts eat for dinner? 
Spookgetti 



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What's a ghosts favorite fruit? 
Booberries.  


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What's a ghosts favorite desert? 
Boo-berry pie. 


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Why do girl ghosts go on diets? 
So they can keep their ghoulish figures. 


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Where does Count Dracula usually eat his lunch? 
At the casketeria.  


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Why was the ghost such a messy eater? 
Because he was always a goblin.  


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What tops off a ghost's ice cream sundae? 
Whipped scream.  


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What is a Mummie's favorite type of music? 
Wrap! 


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What song does Dracula hate? 
"You Are My Sunshine" 


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What type of monster really loves dance music? 
The boogieman!  


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Where does a ghost go on Saturday night? 
Anywhere where he can boo-gie. 


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Why didn't the skeleton dance at the party? 
He had no body to dance with. 


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What do ghosts say when something is really neat? 
.Ghoul 


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What kind of tie does a ghost wear to a formal party? 
A boo-tie. 


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Why did the game warden arrest the ghost? 
He didn't have a haunting license.  


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Where did the goblin throw the football? 
Over the ghoul line.  


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What do you call a goblin who gets too close to a bonfire? 
A toasty ghosty.  


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What kind of makeup do goblins  wear? 
mas-scare-a 


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Who was the most famous ghost detective? 
Sherlock Moans 


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Which building does Dracula visit in New York? 
The Vampire State Building.  


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Where do most werewolves live? 
Howllywood, California 


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Where do most goblins live? 
North and South Scarolina 


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What do you call a little monsters parents 
mummy and deady 


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What do you get when you cross a black cat with a lemon. 
sour-puss 


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What instrument do skellitens play? 
Trom-BONE 


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Why did't the skelliten cross the road? 
He had no guts 


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Why do vampires scare people? 
They are bored to death 


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How can you tell a vampire likes baseball? 
Every night he turns into a bat.  


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What's it like to be kissed by a vampire? 
It's a pain in the neck. 


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How can you tell when a vampire has been in a bakery? 
All the jelly has been sucked out of the jelly doughnuts. 


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How does a girl vampire flirt? 
She bats her eyes. 

Funny Jokes - Halloween Jokes

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Why doesn't anybody like Dracula? 
He has a bat temper. 


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Who does Dracula get letters from? 
His fang club. 


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Why did Dracula take cold medicine? 
To stop his coffin. 


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How do you keep a monster from biting his nails? 
Give him screws. 


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What can't you give the headless horseman? 
A headache 


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Why did the headless horseman go into business? 
He wanted to get ahead in life. 

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