Funny Jokes

6.09.2005

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Cinco De Mayo

There's a group of people out there who are not in favor of
Cinco De Mayo. They are known as the Cinco De Mayo nays.

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The Mayo Clinic, getting on board with today's diet and health
conscious society, just changed its name. It's now the Balsamic
Vinaigrette Clinic.

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A knock knock joke. ... SOMBRERO WHO?
Knock, knock.
Who's there? Sombrero.
Sombrero who?
"Sombrero-ver the rainbow ..."



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6.08.2005

Ask Mr. Modem on East Valley Living - Your GUIDE to Technology Solutions in the East Valley of Phoenix Arizona

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Helpdesk: What kind of computer do you have?

Helpdesk: What kind of computer do you have?
Customer: A white one...

******

Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.
Helpdesk: Have you tried pushing the button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
Helpdesk: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note..."
Customer: No...wait a minute...I hadn't inserted it yet...it's still on my desk...Sorry...

******

Helpdesk: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?


******

Helpdesk: Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello...I can't print.
Helpdesk: Would you click on start for me and...
Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates damn it!

******

Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says it can't find it...

******

Customer: I have problems printing in red...
Helpdesk: Do you have a color printer?
Customer: Aaaah...Thank you.


******

Helpdesk: What's on your monitor now ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the supermarket.


******

Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Helpdesk: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Helpdesk: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer: Okay.
Helpdesk: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes.
Helpdesk: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work!


******

Helpdesk: Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, and the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?


******

A customer couldn't get on the Internet:
Helpdesk: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Helpdesk: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.

******

Helpdesk: What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Helpdesk: That's not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.


******

Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has put a screensaver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears!

*******

And then there is my personal favorite!!


Helpdesk: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Helpdesk: OK, and, what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?



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6.06.2005

Third Grade Diary

Third Grade Diary

Hi, I'm in third grade but it's not easy, it's a jungle gym out
there.

It's not school I mind, it's the principal of the thing.

My teacher is tough. In class we have to answer "Yes Sir" and "No
Sir," and my teacher is a woman.

She's cross-eyed too, can't control her pupils.

In English she told us we couldn't use 2 words, one was cool and
the other was lousy. I said "Cool, tell us the lousy one first."

In science, she asked "what would happen if one of the stars in
Orion's belt went out?" I told her his pants would fall down.

She asked "Why do astronauts wear space suits?" I said "To cover
their space underwear."

In geography she asked us to name 2 cities in Kentucky. I said
"O.K., I'll name one Waldo and the other Heathcliff."

I don't like math at all, there's just too many problems.

We eat in the cafeteria. For lunch yesterday we had Roast Beef,
with bread and butter. The roast beef was so tough it challenged
me to a fight after school. The bread was so stale I took it to
show and tell in history class. I'd tell you about the butter but
I don't want to spread it around.

They gave us animal crackers for dessert. On the outside of the
box it said "Do not eat if seal is broken". Of course my seal was
missing!

After lunch we had a test. I used to hate taking tests. The
teacher told us to treat them as a game. Now I hate games.

I did get a 100 the other day, 50 in math and 50 in spelling.

My teacher is so forgetful she gave us the same test 3 weeks in a
row. If she does that one more time, I might pass it.

My teacher knows all the answers! Of course she does -- she makes
up all the questions.

I do better than my best friend, Mike, he made the P.T.A.'s Most
Wanted list.

Mike's the biggest trouble maker in school. And his parent's never
thought he'd amount to anything!

When I get home from school, it takes me about an hour to do my
homework, 2 hours if my father helps.

I was having trouble in English. My dad bought me a cheap
dictionary so I couldn't find the words to thank him.

My dad bought me a thesaurus too. I thought that was very nice,
pleasurable, agreeable for him to do so.

I was doing geography homework and I asked my brother where I
would find the Catskills. He said "I don't know, your mother puts
everything away!"

When my father saw my report card, he said I was just like Abraham
Lincoln, I went down in history.





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6.05.2005

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