Funny Jokes

6.18.2005

funny-jokes · Funny Jokes

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Can you guess which of the following are true or false?

Can you guess which of the following are true or false?


1. Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.


2. Alfred Hitchcock didn't have a bellybutton.


3. A pack-a-day smoker will lose approximately 2 teeth every 10 yrs.


4. People do not get sick from cold weather; it's from being indoors a lot more.


5. When you sneeze, all bodily functions stop ? even your heart!


6. Only 7 per cent of the population are lefties.


7. 40 people are sent to the hospital for dog bites every minute.


8. Babies are born without knee caps. They don't appear until they are
2 -
6 years old.


9. The average person over fifty will have spent 5 years waiting in lines.


10. Humphrey Bogart was related to Princess Diana. They were 7th cousins.


11. The average housefly lives for one month.


12. 40,000 Americans are injured by toilets each year.


13. A coat hanger is 44 inches long when straightened.


14. The average computer user blinks 7 times a minute.


15. Your feet are bigger in the afternoon than the rest of the day.


16. Most of us have eaten a spider in our sleep.


17. The REAL reason ostriches stick their head in the sand is to search for water.


18. The only 2 animals that can see behind itself without turning it's head are the rabbit and the parrot.


19. John Travolta turned down the starring roles in "An Officer and a Gentleman" and "Tootsie."


20. Michael Jackson owns the rights to the South Carolina State anthem.


21. In most television commercials advertising milk, a mixture of white paint and a little thinner is used in place of the milk.


22. Prince Charles and Prince William NEVER travel on the same airplane just in case there is a crash.


23. The first Harley Davidson motorcycle built in
1903 used a tomato can for a carburetor.


24. If coloring weren't added to Coca-Cola, it would be green.


Answers below.*


ALL OF THE ABOVE ARE TRUE !!!


(Doesn't #16 really bug you! )


Star Wars: Episode III - The Revenge of the Sith
Star Wars: Episode III - The Revenge of the Sith

Bigger, Better Helicopter Unveiled by Phoenix Police and Fire ...
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In a unique joint partnership between the Phoenix Police and Fire departments, the city of Phoenix welcomes its first high-performance twin-engine Agusta 109E ...
Burn Victims from Phoenix Sister City in Canada to Attend Camp ...
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Four children from Phoenix's sister city in Calgary, Canada, who have survived serious burns will be among 100 participants at the annual Arizona Burn and ...
Ahwatukee-Foothills Comedy Club
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Ahwatukee-Foothills Comedy Club is pleased to provide you with the biggest night of comedy in the history of Ahwatukee! We're bringing ...
 
SMOCA STARTS THE SUMMER WITH A SPLASH JUNE 23, 2005
EVLiving - USA
The Scottsdale Museum of Contemporary Art presents SPLASH: Summer SMoCA Nigh href="http://www.evliving.com/cities_news.php?action=fullnews&showcomments=1&id=3306">Scottsdale to Review Rezone Request of Site for ASU Scottsdale ...
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The Scottsdale City Council on Tuesday, June 21, will review a request to rezone the site for the ASU Scottsdale Center for New Technology and Innovation. ...
Phoenix Center for the Arts Presents Arizona Pastels
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The valley's best pastel artists will have their work on display July 1 through July 22 when the Phoenix Center for the Arts hosts an exhibition featuring ...
 
Phoenix Art Museum Panel
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Don't miss the panel discussion, "What is Surrealism? Is it Relevant in Today's Art World?" which will be held at Phoenix Art ...

Bank Of America Requests Applications for Neighborhood Excellence ...
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Bank of America is requesting applications for the Neighborhood Excellence Initiative program for the Phoenix market (Maricopa and Pinal Counties). ...

June Copper Square Film Series
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If you missed the 2005 Phoenix Film Festival you can see the "Best Documentary" winner Champion, starring Danny Trejo, for free as 101.5 The Zone presents ...

Movie Screening of "Shrek II" Follows Final Isaac Crime March
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Councilman Tom Simplot will host a free, outdoor screening of the animated blockbuster "Shrek II" in the west Phoenix Isaac Neighborhood. ...

Phoenix Therapist Speaks Out Concerning Michael Jackson Verdict & ...
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Are you shocked, sickened and dismayed by the Michael Jackson verdict? I am not shocked, but I am significantly sickened and dismayed ...

City of Mesa Receives 2005 Bond Ratings
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In anticipation of Mesa City Council approval of the City's $113 million municipal bond sale, two credit reporting agencies have analyzed the City of Mesa ...

Phoenix Arizona East Valley City News
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The 2005 Census Survey is just around the corner and Scottsdale is hoping you'll make sure that you and others in your family are counted. ...

Newest Habitat for Humanity Home Dedication Set for Saturday, June ...
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. The real estate professionals of the Success Financial Network, who built the family's new home through their Coldwell Banker Success Charitable Foundation. ...

Genre: Drama/Sport
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Russell Crowe reunites with Ron Howard for the first time since A Beautiful Mind. Well, who could blame them after the success of that film? ...

Cast: Ewan McGregor; Na

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6.15.2005

Aerial Photographer: Aerial Home View and Arizona Helicopter Tour

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"WHAT BLOODY FUNERAL?!"

At dawn the telephone rings. "Hello, Senor Humphrey? This is Ernesto the caretaker at your country house."

"Ah yes, Ernesto. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?"

"Um, I am just calling to advise you, sir, that your parrot died"

"My parrot? Dead? The one that won the International competition?"

"Si, that's the one."

"Damn! That's a pity! I spent a small fortune on that bird. What did he die from?"

"From eating rotten meat."

"Rotten meat? Who the heck fed him rotten meat?"

"Nobody senor. He ate the meat of one of the dead horses."

"Dead horse? What dead horse?"

"The thoroughbred, Mr. Lucky. He died from all that work pulling the water cart."

"Are you insane? What water cart?"

"The one we used to put out the fire."

"Good Lord! What fire are you talking about, man?"

"The one at your house! A candle fell and the curtains caught on fire."

"What the.....!!! But there's electricity at the house!!!! What was the candle for?"

"For the funeral."

"WHAT BLOODY FUNERAL?!"

"Your mother's...She showed up one night out of the blue and I thought she was a thief, so I hit her with your new Tiger Woods Nike Driver."

SILENCE...................."Ernesto if you broke that driver you're fired!"




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6.14.2005

Famous Quotes - Webring for Famous Quotes

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6.13.2005

Real Estate Bubbble - Housing Bubble

Real Estate Bubbble - Housing Bubble

Real Estate Bubble


Housing Bubble

The Housing Bubble or The Bogeyman Under the Bed
May 11 , 2005 by Steve Mullis


Recently there has been much discussion and speculation about a phrase that sends shivers down the spines of realtors and homeowners alike...⬝The Housing Bubble⬝.

Having looked at data from a variety of sources and attending a presentation for top named economists, the future of Arizona housing is clearing up nicely.

Developments that can affect the housing market are many...interest rates, employment, population increases or decreases, consumer confidence, the SHousing Affordability Index⬝ the livability index, population age, etc.

Housing Bubble

Real Estate Bubble

The Housing Bubble Revisited

Contributed by Bob McCord, CEO of the Success Financial Network

It's difficult not to write about the "housing bubble" given the media's continued effort to make it happen. There is no question that the pace of sales has to slow and that double-digit price increases can't continue. But that doesn't make a bubble.




Housing analysts say price 'frenzy' cannot continue

Housing analysts say price 'frenzy' cannot continue

Glen Creno and Catherine Reagor
The Arizona Republic
Jun. 11, 2005 12:00 AM

The party isn't over yet for metropolitan Phoenix's housing market, but analysts say it may be winding down.

Existing homes continued to command premiums in May when the median price hit $235,000, according to the Arizona Real Estate Center at Arizona State University. That's a 6.3 percent jump from the April figure, the type of move that took a year to achieve in the late 1990s.

"Deep down, everybody knows you can't sustain this pace," said Jay Butler, director of the Real Estate Center. advertisement



Real Estate Bubble


Driving the market: a strong economy, new jobs, low mortgage rates and investors lured by big gains in home prices. Butler says the Phoenix housing market is in a price bubble, and other analysts are reaching similar conclusions.

A bubble is a rapid run-up in home prices that the market cannot sustain, so housing prices ultimately fall. If prices do fall here, it could put pressure on all home values and spark some homeowners as well as investors to sell. That, in turn, could drive prices down even more.

University of Arizona economist Marshall Vest said outsize price gains should begin to moderate by the end of the summer. He said housing statewide shows "a lot of characteristics" of a bubble.

"Demand far outstrips supply, and the demand side appears to be driven by a frenzy of sorts, by greed," he said. "The frenzy is going to evaporate, and the market will begin to return somewhat to normal. It's not that prices will fall. The rate of the increase will moderate."

State gains revenue windfall from hot real estate market

State gains revenue windfall from hot real estate market
$1 billion in April tax collections sets record, provides millions in surplus funds

Robbie Sherwood
The Arizona Republic
Jun. 8, 2005 12:00 AM

Arizona's tax revenues have surged to record levels, thanks largely to profits from hot housing and real estate markets that are powering one of the most robust economies in the nation.


It was on display most recently in the tech bubble of the late 1990s. Some are deluded, experts being particularly prone to the malady. Back then it was the "long boom" theory; now it's "people will always want to move to Arizona" and other fables. Others know they have a tiger by the tail, and don't know how to let go without getting killed. And for now, these players are getting stunningly rich.

Everyone, it seems, is trying to get into the game. This is also classic bubble behavior. From the capital markets to the cubicle prole who has bought a couple of investment houses in Eloy, bad money follows good past the market peak. In the tech boom, we watched spectacular IPOs for companies with no profits and products no one understood. People who didn't even own a computer were putting their life savings into dot-coms with impossible price-to-earnings ratios.

Don't Buy Housing Bubble Propaganda

Don't Buy Housing Bubble Propaganda
Thursday May 26, 2:04 pm ET
By Barry Ritholtz, RealMoney.com Contributor


The old saw is true: Every general fights the previous battle. And after missing the tech and telecom bubbles, the generals of the financial media are now battling more bubbles than we can count:
There are bubbles in debt, credit and interest rates. There is the oil bubble, the import bubble, the China bubble and the current account deficit bubble. In short, we have a veritable bubble in bubbles. Indeed, it is astonishing how many people who failed to either acknowledge the tech bubble in the 90s -- or at least failed to act on it -- now have no hesitation to declare real estate to be a bubble. This despite their lack of expertise or past track record in spotting bubbles on a timely fashion.


The bubble du jour though is the housing bubble. From Greenspan's testimony to CNBC's Housing special to (uh-oh) this month's Fortune magazine cover, it seems to be all anyone wants to talk about.

My position is that housing is not in a bubble -- yet. But it is an increasingly extended asset class that may be subject to a significant correction in the future. But a 25%-35% retracement is a very different situation than a bubble (recall that the Nasdaq dropped 80%), primarily because there are very different consequences for both homeowners and investors.

Not Your Grandson's Bubble
That said, comparing real estate with other true bubbles -- most especially the tech/telecom/dotcom bubble of the 1990s -- is imperfect, due to several factors.
Homes are illiquid assets that take several months to sell; stock can be liquidated instantly.

The housing market is regional, with an uneven distribution of asset appreciation: Equities are national, and even global.

Lastly, there is an intrinsic value of a house as a place where you can live; Compare this with a company whose only asset was a sock puppet -- the tulip bulb of its day -- and it's clear why a profitless, assetless, publicly traded company can go to zero. Barring an external disaster like Love Canal, houses will not.

Magnetic Flow Meter
Pigeon Forge Cabins
SMS.ac
Fireplace Mantels
Sell House
Vending Machines

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Teen Hairstyles
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Offers a celebrity photo gallery.

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Offers photos of celebrity hairstyles and hair articles.

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Devoted to the Curtains or Blowcut style, gives articles and opinions and pictures of celebrities that wear it.

5 Great Wedding Hairdo's
Brief instructions with photographs of five formal hair styles.

Gretchen's 15 Minutes Prom Updo
Step-by-step instructions with photos. Contains a wide array of links to other hair related topics.

Hair Styles
Photos of hairstyles, updo's, prom hairstyles, and celebrities.

Hair Styles Catalog
Catalog of female and male hairstyles. Includes links to a wide array of hair topics.

Hair World
Contains some pictures, tips and quizes.

1001 hairstyles
Contains pictures of styles categorized by length and gender.

Hairstyles
Collection of African American hairstyles. Includes information on hair care and hairstyles for kids.

Long Hair Lovers
Resource for long hair issues. Contains information, articles, and topical links.

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Provides galleries of pictures of models with different hairstyles.

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Advice, tips and techniques for choosing the right hair style to look your best on prom night.

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Mrs. America 1999 Kristianna Nichols shares ideas for prom hair styles. From the Spring 2000 issue of Pageantry magazine.

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Styles and tips to prepare you for prom.

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Offers photos of prom hairstyles.

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Gallery of celebrity hairstyles. Includes instructions on how to achieve the look.

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Advice on choosing prom hairstyles, dresses, shoes, jewelry and accessories.

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6.12.2005

Treatment of a captives at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba

A person wrote a letter to the White House complaining about the treatment of a captive taken during the Afghanistan War. Below is a copy of the response.

The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue Washington, D. C.

Dear Concerned Citizen:

Thank you for your recent letter criticizing our treatment of the Taliban and Al Qaeda detainees currently held at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. The administration takes these matters seriously, and your opinion was heard loud and clear here in Washington. You'll be pleased to learn that, thanks to concerned citizens like you, we are creating the Terrorist Retraining Program, to be called the, "Liberals Accept Responsibility for Killers" program, or LARK for short. In accordance with the guidelines of this new program, we have decided to place one terrorist under your personal care.

Your detainee has been selected and scheduled for transportation to your residence next Monday. Ali Mohammed Ahmed bin Mahmud is to be cared for pursuant to the standards you personally demanded in your letter of admonishment. We will conduct weekly inspections to ensure that your standards of care for Ahmed are commensurate with those you so strongly recommended in your letter.

Although Ahmed is a sociopath and extremely violent, we hope that your sensitivity to what you described as his "attitudinal problem" will help him overcome this character flaw. Perhaps you are correct in describing these problems as mere cultural differences.

Your adopted terrorist is extremely proficient in hand -to-hand combat and can extinguish human life with such a simple items as a pencil or nail clippers. He is also expert at making a wide variety of explosive devices from common household products, so ! you may wish to keep those items locked up, unless you feel that this might offend him. Ahmed will not wish to i nteract with your wife or daughters since he views females as a subhuman form of property. This is a particularly sensitive subject to him. He has been known to show violent tendencies around women who fail to comply with the dress code that he considers appropriate, but I'm sure that over time they will come to enjoy the anonymity offered by the bhurka. Just remind them that it is all part of respecting his culture and his religious beliefs. Thanks again for your letter. We truly appreciate it when folks like you inform us of the proper way to do our job. Take good care of Ahmed and good luck!

Cordially, Donald Rumsfeld

Vending Machines Vending Machines

Treatment of a captives at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba

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