Funny Jokes

8.12.2005

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Muslim Extremist Bumper Stickers

Muslim Extremist Bumper Stickers

Visualize World Jihad

0 to KABOOM in .2 seconds.

Support our suicidal extremists

My 12-year-old can blow up your honor student

My other car is a bomb

This vehicle makes wide right turns into buildings

Allah is my co-pilot

A terrorist is my co-pilot

Fatah you looking at?

Don't blame me, I voted for Saddam

Honk if you Beat your Wife

If the van is a rockin Allah will soon be knockin

Driver carries only $20 worth of C4

My other car is a flying carpet.

I'd rather be Jihading.

If you don't like the way I drive, stay out of the World Trade Center

Keep honking. I am rewiring.

In case of Jihad this car will be exploded

What part of ULLULULULULULULU did you not understand? - Allah

72 Virgins or Bust!

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My kid and YOUR money go to Gitomo Bay.

I'm Muslim but you're ugly and I can blow myself up

Baby Terrorist On Board

If you can read this, there's a car bomb in the trunk.

After I pray, I slay.

Proud parent of Suicide Bomber!

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[ funny jokes ] Collateral



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Long ago there was once an old native American who wanted a
loan for $500. The banker pulled out the loan application,
"What are you going to do with the money?"

"Take jewellery to city and sell it," was the response.

"What have you got for collateral?"

"Don't know collateral."

"Well that's something of value that would cover the cost of
the loan.Have you got any vehicles?"

"Yes, 1949 Chevy pickup."

The banker shook his head, "How about livestock?"

"Yes, I have a horse."

"How old is it?"

"Don't know, has no teeth."

Finally the banker decided to make the $500 loan. Several
weeks later the old man was back in the bank. He pulled out
a roll of bills, "Here to pay." he said. He then handed the
banker the money to pay his loan off.

"What are you going to do with the rest of that money?"

"Put in tepee."

"Why don't you deposit it in my bank," he asked.

"Don't know deposit."

"You put the money in our bank and we take care of it for
you. When you want to use it you can withdraw it."

The old Indian leaned across the desk, "What you got for
collateral?"
 
 
Thelly, the Storylady, Cardiff by the Sea
For a virtual visit go to http://www.lifestorywriting.net/
Join the fun at http://groups.msn.com/LifeStoryWriting
For Quiet Moments http://www.gospelcom.net/rbc/odb/odb.shtml
Seeking? http://www.reasons4faith.org/
My Blog Spot:  http://cardiffstorylady.blogspot.com/


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8.11.2005

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[ funny jokes ] Penguins go to the Zoo



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Kimo is a bus driver for the Honolulu Transit Company. One
day Kimo is headed to work on his bus route, when he runs
across a delivery van stranded at the side of the road. The
van driver works for the Honolulu Zoo. He pleads with Kimo
to do him a favor.

He offers a $100 bill to Kimo to help him deliver a
truckload of penguins to the zoo, because they needed to be
there within the hour. Agreeing, Kimo proceeds to load two
dozen penguins onto his bus. Then, off they drive towards
the zoo.

An hour later, the delivery driver gets his van fixed and
heads off to the zoo to catch up with his delivery. As he's
driving down the road, he see's Kimo and the busload of
penguins heading in the opposite direction. He turns his van
around and chases in pursuit. He finally catches up to the
bus and pulls over Kimo on the side of the road. In an irate
voice he asks, "Hey, Kimo. I thought I gave you a $100
dollars to go and take the penguins to the zoo for me?"

"Calm down," Kimo says. "I took the penguins to the zoo. We
had change left over, so now I'm taking them to the movies!"
Thelly, the Storylady, Cardiff by the Sea
For a virtual visit go to http://www.lifestorywriting.net/
Join the fun at http://groups.msn.com/LifeStoryWriting
For Quiet Moments http://www.gospelcom.net/rbc/odb/odb.shtml
Seeking? http://www.reasons4faith.org/
My Blog Spot:  http://cardiffstorylady.blogspot.com/


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SMS.ac is changing the world everyday and we are already pioneering the technology ... SMS.ac deal with Sprint in time for Valentines Day
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8.10.2005

Funny Jokes

A Polar bear walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "I'll have a
gin.........................and tonic."

The Bartender says, "What's with the big pause?"

The bear answers, "I don't know. My father had them, too!"




Lost Necklace

An American girl was visiting England and was invited to a party.
While dancing with a stuffy monocled Englishman, her necklace
became unfastened and slipped down the back of her dress.

She asked the Englishman to retrieve the jewelry piece for her.

He was very embarrassed but wishing to comply with her request he
reached cautiously down the back of her gown.

"I'm terribly sorry," he said, "but I can't seem to reach it."

"Try further down," she said.

At this point he noticed that he was being watched by everyone in
the room, which made him feel most uncomfortable and he whispered
to the girl, "I feel such a perfect ass."

"Thanks!" she cried. "But never mind that! Just get the necklace."



FRIENDLY BEARS
On a military training exercise, the British divisional command radio operators
were getting very bored one quiet night, when breaking the silence a voice
asked over the air, "Are there any friendly bears listening?"

After a moment, another voice replied, "Yes, I'm a friendly bear," and then
another voice, "I'm a friendly bear too!"

At this point, the Officer at Headquarters grabbed his microphone and let loose
a blistering tirade at the operators for fooling around on an important radio
link.

When he had finished, there was silence for about ten seconds. Then a small
voice said, "You're not a very friendly bear, are you?"






SMS.AC News and Information.

SMS.AC Products and services site SMS.AC

Corporate Site for SMS.AC

Main News Site for SMS.AC (Press Releases)

News Site for SMS.AC (SMS.AC in the news - news clippings about SMS.AC)

Project Manager (SMS.ac) Job,SMS.ac Michael Pousti Brandie Williams Greg Wilfahrt Brandie Williams Brandie Williams Brandie Williams Brandie Williams SMS.ac Deal With Sprint Gives Cupid Wireless Wings For Valentine's Day Brandie Williams
Michael Pousti Michael Pousti SMS.AC Michael Pousti

Michael Pousti
SMS.AC"S MICHAEL POUSTI DELIVERS KEYNOTE AT GLOBAL MOBILE CONGRESS
SAN DIEGO and SHANGHAI-October 12, 2004- The chairman and chief executive officer of SMS.ac, Inc. (www.sms.ac/corporate) delivered a keynote address to attendees from around the globe at Global Mobile Congress 2004, in Shanghai, China.

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SMS.ac Michael Pousti sms.ac Michael Pousti Says Growing Awareness and Adoption Will Hike 2005 Domestic Messaging Michael Pousti SMS.ac


Michael Pousti
Michael Pousti Predicts Super Growth for US Mobile Messaging in 2005
29 December 2004
"According to U.S. messaging figures, approximately 14 billion text (SMS) messages were sent domestically in 2003," said Pousti. "Various industry reports indicate that mobile messaging will reach approximately 25 billion by the end of 2004. And because of the explosive growth SMS.ac is seeing domestically with respect to the exchange of multimedia and textual communications, I am confident that the aggregate number of mobile messages sent within the U.S. will nearly double to 45 billion, in 2005."


SQL Server Magazine - SQL Server DBA needed in San Diego Michael Pousti, Brandie Williams, Greg Wilfahrt
3GSM Conference
Cannes, France
14-17 February 2005

3GSM and SMS.ac

SMS.ac executives travel to Cannes, France on February 14-17 to address wireless leaders from around the world, at 3GSM World Congress. Michael Pousti, Greg Wilfahrt and Brandie Williams will be meeting with industry leaders to discuss the phenomenal growth in mobile communications and what innovations need to take place in order for growth to continue.

SMS.ac is host to the largest community of mobile phone users in the world, with tens of millions of registered members f Releases : Business Greg Wilfahrt
Brandie Williams
SMS.ac

Greg Wilfahrt

5. Have someone else lie.
These days you don't even need to come up with an alibi. Get someone else to call your boss and tell them why you won't be in the office.
The Alibi and Excuses club is a part of the mobile messaging company Sms.ac. It is free to sign up for the club. But you will pay $.25 cents to receive a message. There are over 4,100 members, according to Greg Wilfahrt of Sms.ac. "

CONNECTIONS(tm) 2005: The Digital Home Conference & Showcase Greg Wilfahrt

Greg Wilfahrt
Executive Vice President and Co-Founder, SMS.ac
Greg Wilfahrt is executive vice president and co-founder of SMS.ac. Mr. Wilfahrt heads the corporate communication and public relation efforts at SMS.ac and assists in developing the company's strategic roadmap. Prior to his arrival at SMS.ac, Mr. Wilfahrt was vice president of public relations at MP3.com, a publicly traded company that was acquired by Vivendi Universal in mid-2001. He also served as senior vice president of communications at Ubrandit.com, another a publicly traded company.

Mr. Wilfahrt earlier founded WWC, an award-winning advertising, public relations and marketing agency that was sold in 1999. He has addressed members of Congress on several occasions on issues related to the distribution of digital content over the Internet and most recently, on content deliverable to mobile devices. He holds a bachelor's degree in journalism from San Diego State University.


A Ringing Headache? - Forbes.com
Michael Pousti

Greg Wilfahrt

If fair use [of digital media] continues to be a gray area," says Greg Wilfahrt, co-founder and executive vice president of SMS.ac, "then the mobile phone content space will become wholly litigious."

So Wilfahrt and co-founder Michael Pousti expect to be spending more time on Capitol Hill as their closely held San Diego-based company, SMS.ac, grows. Its users can opt-in for content according to interests: dating, travel, fashion, faith, music, entertainment, news, health, sports, games, shopping. Users post pictures with online profiles on the Web site and search the SMS.ac database for friends. Just how wide is the selection? A Romanian-based club for fans of rapper Vanilla Ice, who recently performed on NBC's television show Hit Me Baby One More Time, counts 18,000 members.

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Right Thinking Girl: Phone Choice May Affect Polls
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Texas (pte/13.06.2005/15:28) - According to the Cellular Telecommunications and Internet Association http://www.ctia.org/ , almost 5 billion text messages - SMSes - are sent in the US every month.
"Text messaging is just another example in this trend toward ubiquitous communication," said Texas A&M University http://www.tamu.edu communications professor Eric W. Rothenbuhler. "It comes to be normal for people to always be in touch and strange or unique for someone not to be."
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[ funny jokes ] At the Playground...

------------------------ Yahoo! Groups Sponsor --------------------~-->
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--------------------------------------------------------------------~->

We took my sons, ages seven and five, up to Friendship Park
for a picnic.

My seven year old read the sign with the playground rules to
his brother.

"Do not jump on the merry-go-round when in motion."
"Go down the slide while sitting, only."
"Only one child on a swing at a time."
(There were a good twenty rules.)

The boys promised to obey them if I would let them play
without Daddy standing by. So, I joined my wife at the
picnic table.

Just before it was time to eat, I went over and watched them
play. They were obeying the rules, that is, all but one. On
the tall semicircular slide, they were coming down head
first!

I took them over to the posted regulations. We read them,
again. I asked the boys what they had to say for themselves.

"Oh, don't be silly, Dad...no one uses the slide rule
anymore!"

Thelly, the Storylady, Cardiff by the Sea
For a virtual visit go to http://www.lifestorywriting.net/
Join the fun at http://groups.msn.com/LifeStoryWriting
For Quiet Moments http://www.gospelcom.net/rbc/odb/odb.shtml
Seeking? http://www.reasons4faith.org/
My Blog Spot: http://cardiffstorylady.blogspot.com/

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8.09.2005

[ funny jokes ] Jury Duty

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A man was chosen for jury duty who very much wanted to be
dismissed from serving. He tried every excuse he could think
of but none of them worked. On the day of the trial he
decided to give it one more shot. As the trial was about to
begin he asked if he could approach the bench.

"Your Honor," he said, " I must be excused from this trial
because I am prejudiced against the defendant. I took one
look at the man in his blue suit with those beady eyes and
that dishonest face and I said 'He's a crook! He's guilty,
guilty, guilty!' So your Honor, I can not possibly stay on
this jury!"

With a tired annoyance, the judge replied, "Get back in the
jury box. That man is his lawyer."

Thelly, the Storylady, Cardiff by the Sea
For a virtual visit go to http://www.lifestorywriting.net/
Join the fun at http://groups.msn.com/LifeStoryWriting
For Quiet Moments http://www.gospelcom.net/rbc/odb/odb.shtml
Seeking? http://www.reasons4faith.org/
My Blog Spot: http://cardiffstorylady.blogspot.com/

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8.08.2005

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[ funny jokes ] Fish memorial service



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Little Tim was in the garden filling in a hole when his
neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the
rosy-cheeked youngster was up to, he politely asked, "What
are you up to there, Tim?"

"My goldfish died," replied Tim tearfully, without looking
up, "and I've just buried him."

The neighbor was concerned, "That's an awfully big hole for
a goldfish, isn't it?"

Tim patted down the last heap of earth then replied, "That's
because he's inside your cat!"

Thelly, the Storylady, Cardiff by the Sea
For a virtual visit go to http://www.lifestorywriting.net/
Join the fun at http://groups.msn.com/LifeStoryWriting
For Quiet Moments http://www.gospelcom.net/rbc/odb/odb.shtml
Seeking? http://www.reasons4faith.org/
My Blog Spot:  http://cardiffstorylady.blogspot.com/


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[ funny jokes ] Funny Jokes - The wrong color



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The wrong color

A woman went to the  undertakers to have one last look at her dearly departed
husband.
 
The instant she saw  him she starts crying.
 
One of the undertakers strides up to provide  comfort in this somber moment. Through her tears she explains  that she is upset because her dearest Albert was wearing a black suit, and it was his dying wish to be buried  in a blue suit.
 
The undertaker apologizes and explains that traditionally, they always put the bodies  in a black suit, but he'd see what he could arrange. The next day she  returned to the undertakers to have one last moment with Albert  before his funeral the following day. When the undertaker pulls back  the curtain, she manages to smile through her tears as Albert is  resplendent in a smart blue suit.
 
She says to the  undertaker "Wonderful, wonderful, but where did you get that beautiful blue suit?"
 
"Well, yesterday  afternoon after you left, a man about your husband's size was  brought in & he was wearing a blue suit. His wife explained that  she was very upset as he had always wanted to be buried in a  black suit," the undertaker replied.
 
The wife smiled at  the man.
 
He continued, "After  that, it was simply a matter of swapping the heads."

 
 


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[ funny jokes ] Funny Jokes - You Think!?



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You Think!?

A witness to a car crash kept saying things like, "I think the light was yellow," or, "I think it was still raining."

The cross-examining lawyer interrupted, derisively saying, "We don't really care what you think. What do you know?"

The harried witness paused for a moment and then replied, "I guess I may as well leave the witness stand, then.  Since I'm not a lawyer, I can't talk without thinking."

 


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[ funny jokes ] Potato

Not long ago I met the waitress of my dreams.

About halfway through dinner I called the waitress over and said,
"Ma'am, this potato is bad."

She nodded, picked up the potato and smacked it. Then she put it back
on my plate and said, "Sir, if that potato causes any more trouble, you
just let me know."

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8.07.2005

SMS.ac | Careers | Home

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SMS.AC News and Information.

SMS.AC Products and services site SMS.AC

Corporate Site for SMS.AC

Main News Site for SMS.AC (Press Releases)

News Site for SMS.AC (SMS.AC in the news - news clippings about SMS.AC)

Project Manager (SMS.ac) Job,SMS.ac Michael Pousti Brandie Williams Greg Wilfahrt Brandie Williams Brandie Williams Brandie Williams Brandie Williams SMS.ac Deal With Sprint Gives Cupid Wireless Wings For Valentine's Day Brandie Williams

Greg Wilfahrt Greg Wilfahrt Greg Wilfahrt
Michael Pousti Michael Pousti Michael Pousti

Michael Pousti

Greg Wilfahrt Brandie Williams Greg Wilfahrt Michael Pousti sms.ac

SMS.ac Michael Pousti sms.ac Michael Pousti Says Growing Awareness and Adoption Will Hike 2005 Domestic Messaging Michael Pousti SMS.ac


Michael Pousti
Michael Pousti Predicts Super Growth for US Mobile Messaging in 2005
29 December 2004
"According to U.S. messaging figures, approximately 14 billion text (SMS) messages were sent domestically in 2003," said Pousti. "Various industry reports indicate that mobile messaging will reach approximately 25 billion by the end of 2004. And because of the explosive growth SMS.ac is seeing domestically with respect to the exchange of multimedia and textual communications, I am confident that the aggregate number of mobile messages sent within the U.S. will nearly double to 45 billion, in 2005."

Michael Pousti


SQL Server Magazine - SQL Server DBA needed in San Diego Michael Pousti, Brandie Williams, Greg Wilfahrt
3GSM Conference
Cannes, France
14-17 February 2005

3GSM and SMS.ac

SMS.ac executives travel to Cannes, France on February 14-17 to address wireless leaders from around the world, at 3GSM World Congress. Michael Pousti, Greg Wilfahrt and Brandie Williams will be meeting with industry leaders to discuss the phenomenal growth in mobile communications and what innovations need to take place in order for growth to continue.

SMS.ac is host to the largest community of mobile phone users in the world, with tens of millions of registered members found in more than 170 countries. While adoption of wireless services continues to rip the pages from record books in terms of growth, not even industry analysts predicted the off-the-charts revenue that is being generated from both communication and content-related services.

SMS.ac will be meeting at 3GSM World Congress with mobile carriers such as Vodafone, T-Mobile and others. Likewise, SMS.ac is scheduled to meet with members of the international press. Among the interviews scheduled for SMS.ac at 3GSM are CNBC Europe, Informa, BBC and many others.

3GSM Conference
Cannes, France

3GSM and SMS.ac

Mission Reach Foundation Partnership With SMS.ac Enables Charitable Organizations to Raise Donations Via Text Messaging in 20 Countries : ArriveNet Press Releases : Business Greg Wilfahrt
Brandie Williams
SMS.ac

Greg Wilfahrt

5. Have someone else lie.
These days you don't even need to come up with an alibi. Get someone else to call your boss and tell them why you won't be in the office.
The Alibi and Excuses club is a part of the mobile messaging company Sms.ac. It is free to sign up for the club. But you will pay $.25 cents to receive a message. There are over 4,100 members, according to Greg Wilfahrt of Sms.ac. "

CONNECTIONS(tm) 2005: The Digital Home Conference & Showcase Greg Wilfahrt

Greg Wilfahrt
Executive Vice President and Co-Founder, SMS.ac
Greg Wilfahrt is executive vice president and co-founder of SMS.ac. Mr. Wilfahrt heads the corporate communication and public relation efforts at SMS.ac and assists in developing the company's strategic roadmap. Prior to his arrival at SMS.ac, Mr. Wilfahrt was vice president of public relations at MP3.com, a publicly traded company that was acquired by Vivendi Universal in mid-2001. He also served as senior vice president of communications at Ubrandit.com, another a publicly traded company.

Mr. Wilfahrt earlier founded WWC, an award-winning advertising, public relations and marketing agency that was sold in 1999. He has addressed members of Congress on several occasions on issues related to the distribution of digital content over the Internet and most recently, on content deliverable to mobile devices. He holds a bachelor's degree in journalism from San Diego State University.


A Ringing Headache? - Forbes.com
Michael Pousti

Greg Wilfahrt

If fair use [of digital media] continues to href="http://corporate.sms.ac/businessdevelopment/investors.htm">Greg Wilfahrt

Greg Wilfahrt

INTERNET DATING CONFERENCE - Speaker list for the July 21-22, 2005 San Francisco Event Greg Wilfahrt
Greg Wilfahrt
(Co-Founder and Executive Vice President) Marketing SMS for Online Dating successfully
Greg Wilfahrt
7: Alibi can be lullaby to those in need
Greg Wilfahrt
LIRNEasia ? SMS as part of Early Warning System
Greg Wilfahrt
Greg Wilfahrt
Greg Wilfahrt sms.ac
Greg Wilfahrt
Greg Wilfahrt
Getting Up Close And Personal With Your Favorite Artist Greg Wilfahrt
Then, there's Mobiqa. This company's technology allows artists to send short text messages, announcing their upcoming concerts, or offering barcodes with discounts on their new CDs, to the fans' mobile phones. This service, available in Europe, should come to the U.S. in three to four months, says Greg Wilfahrt, co-founder of SMS.ac, the world's largest community for SMS users.
local company has pioneered a new type of text messaging where cell phone users can start a string of messages with people they have never met. The company, San Diego-based SMS.AC, gives people around the world the ability to text message one another via their cell phones. The service is different from traditional text messaging, says the company's founder, Greg Wilfahrt
Greg Wilfahrt sms.ac
Right Thinking Girl: Phone Choice May Affect Polls
Greg Wilfahrt
SMS.ac Greg Wilfahrt SMS boom in the United States
Texas (pte/13.06.2005/15:28) - According to the Cellular Telecommunications and Internet Association http://www.ctia.org/ , almost 5 billion text messages - SMSes - are sent in the US every month.
"Text messaging is just another example in this trend toward ubiquitous communication," said Texas A&M University http://www.tamu.edu communications professor Eric W. Rothenbuhler. "It comes to be normal for people to always be in touch and strange or unique for someone not to be."
SMS.ac Greg Wilfahrt SMS.ac Greg Wilfahrt

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