Funny Jokes

8.20.2005

Jokes and Humor Home - Jokes About - Whatever!

Famous Quotes Casserole Recipes Halloween Recipes Recipe

Christmas Funny Jokes Famous Quotes

Funny Jokes and Humor

Fat Jokes
Fat Jokes

Famous Quotes Casserole Recipes Halloween Recipes Recipe

Christmas Funny Jokes Famous Quotes

8.19.2005

[ funny jokes ] I'm worried about the staff at my new HMO - do these seem right to you?



http://groups.yahoo.com/group/funny-jokes/
http://www.jokes-joke.com/
http://funny-jokes.blogspot.com/
http://www.quotes-world.com/
http://www.mail-archive.com/funny-jokes@yahoogroups.com/
http://www.mail-archive.com/funny-jokes@yahoogroups.com/maillist.html



I'm worried about the staff at my new HMO - do these seem right to you?

HMO clinical definitions: 

Benign................What you be after you be eight. 
Bacteria...............Back door to cafeteria. 
Barium.................What you do with dead folks. 
Cesarean Section.......A neighborhood in Rome. 
Catscan................Searching for the cat. 
Cauterize..........Made eye contact with her. 
Colic...............A sheep dog. 
Coma...............A punctuation mark. 
D&C................Where Washington is.
Dilate.............To live longer than your kids do. 
Enema.............Not a friend. 
Fester............Quicker than someone else. 
Fibula............A small lie. 
G.I.Series.........World Series of military baseball. 
Hangnail...........What you hang your coat on. 
Impotent...........Distinguished, well known. 
Labor Pain..........Getting hurt at work. 
Morbid..............A higher offer than I bid. 
Nitrates............Cheaper than day rates. 
Medical Staff.......A Doctor's cane, sometimes shown with a snake.
 
 
 


Quotes Jokes Recipes Christmas SMS
Famous Quotes Famous Jokes
Love Quotes Love Jokes
Funny Quotes Funny Jokes
Famous Quotes Funny Quotes Love Quotes Inspirational Quotes
Famous Quotes Famous Jokes
Christmas Quotes Christmas Sayings Christmas Quotations Christmas Quotations in the Yahoo! Directory Christmas Quotes
Michael Pousti Michael Pousti Michael Pousti Michael Pousti Christmas Carols Christmas Songs Christmas Songs Christmas Lyrics Christmas Lyrics
Famous Jokes Funny Jokes
Computer Jokes Computer Humor
Recipes Recipes Gatlinburg Cabins Recipes SMS
Lawyer Jokes Lawyer Humor
Clean Jokes Clean Humor
Blonde Jokes Blonde Joke Blonde Humor
Funny Jokes Funny Humor Funny Jokes Funny Jokes

Quotes Jokes Recipes Christmas SMS
Quotes Jokes Recipes Christmas SMS

Famous Quotes Casserole Recipes Halloween Recipes Recipe

Christmas Funny Jokes Famous Quotes

[ funny jokes ] Computer vs. Cars

------------------------ Yahoo! Groups Sponsor --------------------~-->
<font face=arial size=-1><a href="http://us.ard.yahoo.com/SIG=12h00vuf9/M=362335.6886444.7839734.2575449/D=groups/S=1705117977:TM/Y=YAHOO/EXP=1124466957/A=2894362/R=0/SIG=138c78jl6/*http://www.networkforgood.org/topics/arts_culture/?source=YAHOO&cmpgn=GRP&RTP=http://groups.yahoo.com/">What would our lives be like without music, dance, and theater?Donate or volunteer in the arts today at Network for Good</a>.</font>
--------------------------------------------------------------------~->

Computer vs. Cars

For all of us who feel only the deepest love and
affection for the way
computers have enhanced our lives, read on. At a
recent computer expo
(COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the
computer industry with the
auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with
technology like the
computer industry has, we would all be driving
$25.00 cars that got
1,000 miles to the gallon."

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors
issued a press release
stating: "If GM had developed technology like
Microsoft, we would all
be driving cars with the following characteristics:

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash
every day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road,
you would have to
buy a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway
for no reason. You
would have to pull to the side of the road, close
all of the windows,
shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows
before you could
continue. For some reason you would simply accept
this.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a
left turn would cause
your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in
which case you would
have to reinstall the engine.

5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by
the sun, was
reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to
drive - but would run
on only five percent of the roads.

6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator
warning lights would all
be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed an
Illegal Operation"
warning light.

7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?"
before deploying.

8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car
would lock you out
and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously
lifted the door
handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio
antenna.

9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers
would have to learn
how to drive all over again because none of the
controls would operate
in the same manner as the old car.

10. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn
the engine off."

Please share this with your friends who love - but
sometimes hate - their computer!

Love Quotes
http://www.quotesandjokes.com/love.html
http://home.att.net/~quotations/love.html
http://quotations.home.att.net/love.html
http://home.att.net/~quotesexchange/love1.html
http://www.quotesandjokes.com/love.html
http://www.healthwellnessfitness.com/
http://www.quotes-world.com/
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/chicken-recipes-mailing-list/
http://www.worldfamousrecipes.com/
http://www.christmastreeclipart.com/
http://www.worldfamousrecipes.com/chicken-recipes.html
http://www.healthysmoking.com/
http://www.quotesfromfamouspeople.com/
http://www.worldfamousrecipes.com/italian-recipes.html
http://members.cox.net/katheesue/200

Famous Quotes Casserole Recipes Halloween Recipes Recipe

Christmas Funny Jokes Famous Quotes

8.18.2005

Recipes - World Famous Recipes

Recipes

Love Quotes - Famous Love Quotes
Love Quotes
href="http://home.att.net/~quotations/love.html">Famous Love Quotes

Funny Quotes
href="http://quotations.home.att.net/bible.html">Bible Quotes

href="http://quotations.home.att.net/movie.html">Movie Quotes

Funny Jokes
Famous Quotes

Love Quotes
Love Quotes

The greatest thing you ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.
--Nat King Cole

Love Quotes

Love enables you to put your deepest feelings and fears in the palm of you partner's hand, knowing they will be

handled with care.
--Carl S. Avery


Love is, above all, the gift of oneself.
--Jean Anouilh

Love Quotes

Where there is great love, there are always miracles.
--Willa Cather (1876-1947)


The Samuel Johnson Sound Bite Page: Love Quotes

Love
"It is not hard to love those from whom nothing can be feared."
Johnson: Addison (Lives of the Poets)

Admiration; Conviviality; Love
"It is always necessary to be loved, but not always necessary to be reverenced."
Johnson: Rambler #188 (January 4, 1752)


Love Poems


SONNETS FROM THE PORTUGUESE, by Browning

Sonnets from the Portuguese

X

Yet, love, mere love, is beautiful indeed
And worth of acceptation. Fire is bright,
Let temple burn, or flax; an equal light
Leaps in the flame from cedar-plank or weed:
And love is fire. And when I say at need
I love thee . . . mark! . . . I love thee--in thy sight
I stand transfigured, glorified aright,
With conscience of the new rays that proceed
Out of my face toward thine. There's nothing low
In love, when love the lowest: meanest creatures
Who love God, God accepts while loving so.
And what I feel, across the inferior features
Of what I am, doth flash itself, and show
How that great work of Love enhances Nature's.




Love Songs


Poems And Songs Of Robert Burns
by Robert Burns

Song - Mary Morison

Tune - "Bide ye yet."

O Mary, at thy window be,
It is the wish'd, the trysted hour!
Those smiles and glances let me see,
That make the miser's treasure poor:
How blythely was I bide the stour,
A weary slave frae sun to sun,
Could I the rich reward secure,
The lovely Mary Morison.

Yestreen, when to the trembling string
The dance gaed thro' the lighted ha',
To thee my fancy took its wing,
I sat, but neither heard nor saw:
Tho' this was fair, and that was braw,
And yon the toast of a' the town,
I sigh'd, and said among them a',
"Ye are na Mary Morison."

Oh, Mary, canst thou wreck his peace,
Wha for thy sake wad gladly die?
Or canst thou break that heart of his,
Whase only faut is loving thee?
If love for love thou wilt na gie,
At least be pity to me shown;
A thought ungentle canna be
The thought o' Mary Morison.

Love Quotes


Bible Study - Psalms Online

Recipes
Christmas Tree Clipart
Chicken Recipes
Smoking and Staying Healthy
Famous Quotes

Recipes - World Famous Recipes


Recipes - World Famous Recipes

Famous Quotes Casserole Recipes Halloween Recipes Recipe

Christmas Funny Jokes Famous Quotes

8.16.2005

Arizona SEO

Arizona Search Engine Optimization
Arizona Search Engine Optimization - Arizona SEO - Arizona High Tech Talent Partnership - AZhttp High Tech Arizona SEO Company - Search Engine Optimization

Famous Quotes Casserole Recipes Halloween Recipes Recipe

Christmas Funny Jokes Famous Quotes

8.15.2005

Recipes

Famous Quotes Casserole Recipes Halloween Recipes Recipe

Christmas Funny Jokes Famous Quotes

Sexual Abuse Prevention

Sexual Abuse

Recipes Recipes


Appetizers Recipes
72,8,79
Apples Recipes
32,5,12
Barbeque Recipes
20,2,4
Cakes Recipes
22,4,7
Candies Recipes
9,3,1
Casseroles Recipes
31,14,14
Corned Beef and Cabbage Recipes
1,1,-
Corned Beef and Cabbage Recipes
Chicken Recipe
Chicken Recipe
Chicken Recipes
15,
Chicken Recipes
19,
Chicken Soup
15,3,6
Cookies Recipes
139,3,1
Crock pot Recipes
18,8,8
Crockpot Recipes
41,15,
Dessert Recipes
19,20,15
Diabetic Recipes
209,35,97
Drinks Recipes
84,8,-
Easter Recipes
20,12,8
Egg Recipes
5,13,6
Hamburgers Recipes
10,1,1
Holidays Recipes
-,-,-
Holidays Recipes
-,45,-
Italian Food
-,-,-
Simple Recipes
-,10,31
Dinners
-,-,-
Pancake Recipes
11,2,1
Pastas
-,-,-
Pizza
-,-,-
Pork Chops
35,24,16
Potatoes Recipes
71,5,4
Quick Meals
8,1,9
Famous Recipes
Salads Recipes
-,7,40
Salsa Recipes
15,5,3
Sandwiches
-,-,-
Roasting Turkey
97,-,18
Vegetables Recipes
-,1,2
Vegetarian Food
-,-,-



Italian Cooking
90,-,49
Salads
-,-,-
Pastas Recipes
3,3,1
Pork Recipes - Pork Chop Recipes
97,4,-
Potatoes
-,-,-
Simple Meals
16,1,4
Recipes
-,-,-
Sandwiches Recipes
-,9,38
Sandwiches Recipes
73,-,-
Sauces
-,-,-
Simply Orange Simple Recipes
1,1,1
Soups
-,-,-
Steak - Steak Recipes - Cooking Steaks
1,1,1
Thanksgiving Recipes - Turkey Recipes
1,6,2
Thanksgiving Recipes
-,31,15
Baking Turkey
11,1,1



SMS.ac
SMS.ac
Related Info for: SMS.AC

Greg Wilfahrt

Fireplace Mantels

Web Site Promotion

Sell Your Home for Fast Cash


sms.ac

Gatlinburg Cabins

sms.ac

Funny Quotes
Bible Study Online
Health Wellness Fitness
chicken recipes
Recipes
Love Quotes
Chicken Recipes
Funny Quotes
Bible Quotes
Movie Quotes
Healthy Smoking
Famous Quotes
Beef Recipes
sms.ac

Yamatake

Garage Storage Solutions Storage Shelves Storage Shelves Garage Storage Cabinets Garage Storage Units Garage Storage Units Garage Organizer Garage Organizer Garage Organizer Garage Storage Cabinets Storage Cabinets Garage Shelving Design Center Garage Shelving Work bench Garage Shelves Garage Shelves Storage Containers Garage Storage Garage Storage Storage Wall Garage Storage Solutions Garage Storage Unit Garage Storage Unit Garage Organizers Garage Organizers Garage Organizers Tool Storage Tool Storage Garage Cabinets Garage Cabinets Tool Cabinets Tool Cabinets Organize Garage Organize Garage Organize Garage Garage Organization Garage Organization Garage Systems Garage Systems Garage Systems

Healthy Smoking Health Wellness Fitness

Famous Quotes Casserole Recipes Halloween Recipes Recipe

Christmas Funny Jokes Famous Quotes

[ funny jokes ] Fire Wagon



http://groups.yahoo.com/group/funny-jokes/
http://www.jokes-joke.com/
http://funny-jokes.blogspot.com/
http://www.quotes-world.com/
http://www.mail-archive.com/funny-jokes@yahoogroups.com/
http://www.mail-archive.com/funny-jokes@yahoogroups.com/maillist.html



Yahoo! Groups My Groups | funny-jokes Main Page

Fire wagon

Add to MYYahoo

A fire fighter is working on the engine outside the station when he
notices a little girl next door in a little red wagon with little ladders
hung off the sides and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.

The girl is wearing a fire fighter's helmet. The wagon is being pulled
by her dog and her cat. The fire fighter walked over to take a
closer look.

"That sure is a nice fire truck," the fire fighter says with admiration.

"Thanks" the girl says.

The firefighter looks a little closer and notices the girl has tied
the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's testicles.

"Little Partner", the fire fighter says, "I don't want to tell you how to
run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar too,
I think you could go faster."

The little girl replies thoughtfully, "You're probably right... but then I wouldn't have a siren."

 
 
Thelly, the Storylady, Cardiff by the Sea
For a virtual visit go to http://www.lifestorywriting.net/
Join the fun at http://groups.msn.com/LifeStoryWriting
For Quiet Moments http://www.gospelcom.net/rbc/odb/odb.shtml
Seeking? http://www.reasons4faith.org/
My Blog Spot:  http://cardiffstorylady.blogspot.com/
http://add.my.yahoo.com/rss?url==http://www.recipesrecipe.com/atom.xml
Add to MYYahoo


YAHOO! GROUPS LINKS

Famous Quotes Casserole Recipes Halloween Recipes Recipe

Christmas Funny Jokes Famous Quotes

8.14.2005

[ funny jokes ] Methodist Squirrels



http://groups.yahoo.com/group/funny-jokes/
http://www.jokes-joke.com/
http://funny-jokes.blogspot.com/
http://www.quotes-world.com/
http://www.mail-archive.com/funny-jokes@yahoogroups.com/
http://www.mail-archive.com/funny-jokes@yahoogroups.com/maillist.html



Yahoo! Groups My Groups | funny-jokes Main Page

METHODIST SQUIRRELS

There were four country churches in a small Arkansas town:
The Presbyterian Church, the Baptist Church, the Methodist Church and the Catholic Church.  Each church was overrun with pesky squirrels.

One day, the Presbyterian Church called a meeting to decide what to do about the squirrels.  After much prayer and consideration they determined that the squirrels were predestined to be there and they shouldn't interfere with God's divine will.

In the Baptist Church the squirrels had taken up habitation in the baptistery.  The deacons met and decided to put a large plywood cover on the baptistery and flood it.  The squirrels escaped somehow and there were twice as many there the next week.

The Catholic group got together and decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God's creation.  So, they humanely trapped the squirrels and set them free a few miles outside of town.  Three days later, the squirrels were back.

But -- the Methodist Church came up with the best and most effective solution. They baptized the squirrels and registered them as members of the church.  Now they only see them on Christmas and Easter.
 
 
Thelly, the Storylady, Cardiff by the Sea
For a virtual visit go to http://www.lifestorywriting.net/
Join the fun at http://groups.msn.com/LifeStoryWriting
For Quiet Moments http://www.gospelcom.net/rbc/odb/odb.shtml
Seeking? http://www.reasons4faith.org/
My Blog Spot:  http://cardiffstorylady.blogspot.com/


YAHOO! GROUPS LINKS

  •  Visit your group "fu

Famous Quotes Casserole Recipes Halloween Recipes Recipe

Christmas Funny Jokes Famous Quotes

[ funny jokes ] Camping in Yellowstone



http://groups.yahoo.com/group/funny-jokes/
http://www.jokes-joke.com/
http://funny-jokes.blogspot.com/
http://www.quotes-world.com/
http://www.mail-archive.com/funny-jokes@yahoogroups.com/
http://www.mail-archive.com/funny-jokes@yahoogroups.com/maillist.html



Yahoo! Groups My Groups | funny-jokes Main Page

A group of Czechoslovakian tourists were camping in Yellowstone
National Park. While the others set up tents, a few went to gather
firewood. There were plenty of fallen branches, and they soon found
their arms full. As they were heading back to the campsite, a large
bear jumped out at them. It swallowed one of the men whole and ran off.
 
Distraught, his friends found a park ranger and told him what happened.
The ranger agreed to help find their friend. After a short search, they
found two bears sleeping close to the campsite. The ranger asked the
men which one attacked their friend. Unfortunately, they didn't know.
 
The ranger studied the bears. After a moment, he pointed at the male
bear. "That's the one that ate your friend." Then, he pulled out a
knife and cut the bear open. Of course, the missing tourist wasn't
inside.
 
The moral of the story: Don't believe anyone who says the Czech is in
the male!
 
 
 


YAHOO! GROUPS LINKS




Famous Quotes Casserole Recipes Halloween Recipes Recipe

Christmas Funny Jokes Famous Quotes