Funny Jokes - Funny Jokes and Humor: 09/04/2005 - 09/10/2005 - Funny Jokes and Humor from a variety of sources are posted when the mood hits. Funny Joke postings sent to the Funny Jokes Mailing List are also archived here.

9.10.2005

[ funny jokes ] Heaven

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/funny-jokes/ http://www.jokes-joke.com/ http://funny-jokes.blogspot.com/ http://www.quotes-world.com/ http://www.mail-archive.com/funny-jokes@yahoogroups.com/ http://www.mail-archive.com/funny-jokes@yahoogroups.com/maillist.html http://www.worldfamousrecipes.com/index.php/627 http://www.worldfamousrecipes.com/

	My Groups \| funny-jokes Main Page

The couple was 85 years old, and had been married for sixty years. Though they were far from rich, they managed to get by because they watched their pennies. Though not young, they were both in very good health, largely due to the wife's insistence on healthy foods and exercise for the last decade.

One day, their good health didn't help when they went on a rare vacation and their plane crashed, sending them off to Heaven. They reached the pearly gates, and St. Peter escorted them inside. He took them to a beautiful mansion. furnished in gold and fine silks, with a fully stocked kitchen and a waterfall in the master bath. A maid could be seen hanging their favorite clothes in the closet. They gasped in astonishment when he said, "Welcome to Heaven. This will be your home now."

The old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost. "Why, nothing," Peter replied, "remember, this is your reward in Heaven." The old man looked out the window and right there he saw a championship golf course, finer and more beautiful than any ever built on Earth. "What are the greens fees?" grumbled the old man. "This is heaven," St. Peter replied. "You can play for free, every day." Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch, with every imaginable cuisine laid out before them, from seafood to steaks to exotic deserts, free flowing beverages. "Don't even ask," said St.Peter to the man. "This is Heaven, it is all free for you to enjoy."

The old man glared at his wife and said, "You and your stupid bran muffins. We could have been here ten years ago!"

Recipes German Food Mexican Dishes Is your web site selling more than your sales force? Marketing Firms Recipes Funny Jokes Funny Jokes Funny Jokes WLAN Wireless LAN Wireless LAN Salsa Recipe Martini Recipes Cake Recipes Halloween Recipes Gatlinburg Cabins

YAHOO! GROUPS LINKS Visit your group "funny-jokes" on the web. To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to: funny-jokes-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.

Famous Quotes Casserole Recipes Halloween Recipes Recipe

Christmas Funny Jokes Famous Quotes

[ funny jokes ] Skim milk

	My Groups \| funny-jokes Main Page

To help a friend lose weight, I told her that she should
switch to lower-fat foods, including skim milk. When she
said her family would drink only whole milk, I suggested
that she keep their regular container and refill it with
skim milk. This worked for quite a while, until her daughter
asked one morning whether the milk was okay.

"Sure, it's fine," my friend answered, fearing she had been
found out. "Why do you ask?"

The daughter explained, "Well, according to the expiration
date, this milk expired two years ago!"

Thelly, the Storylady, Cardiff by the Sea
For a virtual visit go to http://www.lifestorywriting.net/
Join the fun at http://groups.msn.com/LifeStoryWriting
For Quiet Moments http://www.gospelcom.net/rbc/odb/odb.shtml
Seeking? http://www.reasons4faith.org/
Spiritual Retreat http://groups.yahoo.com/group/spiritual-retreat/
Christian World View www.thetruthproject.org
My Blog Spot: http://cardiffstorylady.blogspot.com/

Love Quotes Life Quotes Crock Pot Recipes Casserolet Recipes Love Quotes Salmon Recipes Love Quotes Recipes Funny Quotes Funny Quotes Love Quotes Cooking Recipes Funny Quotes Famous Quotes Yahoo! Terms of Service.

Famous Quotes Casserole Recipes Halloween Recipes Recipe

Christmas Funny Jokes Famous Quotes

9.08.2005

Stranded

On a chain of beautiful deserted islands in the middle of nowhere, the
following people are stranded:

Two Italian men and one Italian woman.
Two French men and one French woman.
Two German men and one German woman.
Two Greek men and one Greek woman.
Two British men and one British woman.
Two Bulgarian men and one Bulgarian woman.
Two Japanese men and one Japanese woman.
Two Vietnamese men and one Vietnamese woman.
Two Irish men and one Irish woman.
Two American men and one American woman.

One month later, on these absolutely stunning desert islands in the
middle of nowhere, the following things have occurred:
-One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman.
-The two French men and the French woman are living happily together in
a menage a trois.
-The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of alternating visits
with the German woman.
-The two Greek men are sleeping together and the Greek woman is cooking
and cleaning for them.
-The two British men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the
British woman.
-The two Bulgarian men took one look at the Bulgarian woman and started
swimming to another island.
-The two Japanese have faxed Tokyo and are awaiting instructions.
-The two Vietnamese men have set up a pharmacy, liquor store,
restaurant, and laundry, and have gotten the woman pregnant in order to
supply employees for their stores.
-The two Irish men divided the island into north and south and setup a
distillery. They do not remember if sex is in the picture because it gets
somewhat foggy after a few liters of coconut whiskey. However, they're
satisfied because the English aren't having any fun.
-The two American men are contemplating suicide, because the American
woman will not shut up and complains relentlessly about her body, the true
nature of feminism, what the sun is doing to her skin, how she can do
anything they can do, the necessity of fulfillment, the equal division of
household chores, how sand and palm trees make her look fat, how her last
boyfriend respected her opinion and treated her nicer than they do, and how
her relationship with her mother is the root cause of all her problems, and
why didn't they bring a damn cell phone so they could call 911 and get them
all rescued off this Godforsaken deserted island in the middle of freaking
nowhere so she can get her nails done and go shopping.

Recipes German Food Mexican Dishes Is your web site selling more than your sales force? Marketing Firms Recipes Funny Jokes Funny Jokes Funny Jokes WLAN Wireless LAN Wireless LAN Salsa Recipe Martini Recipes Cake Recipes Halloween Recipes Gatlinburg Cabins Love Quotes Story Lady Sexual Abuse Prevention href="http://www.worldfamousrecipes.com/diabetic-recipes.html">Diabetic Recipes Diabetic Recipes Diabetic Recipes Chicken Recipes Chicken Recipes Chicken Recipes Whole Chicken Recipes Chocolate Chip Cookie Recipes Salmon Recipes Cooking Recipes Zucchini Recipes Sangria Recipes

Famous Quotes Casserole Recipes Halloween Recipes Recipe

Christmas Funny Jokes Famous Quotes

9.07.2005

[ funny jokes ] Dinner party

	My Groups \| funny-jokes Main Page

Becky prepared a pasta dish for a dinner party she was
giving. In her haste, however, she forgot to refrigerate the
spaghetti sauce, and it sat on the counter all day. She was
worried about spoilage, but it was too late to cook up
another batch.

She called the local Poison Control Center and voiced her
concern. They advised Becky to boil the sauce again.

That night, the phone rang during dinner, and one of the
guests volunteered to answer it. Becky's face dropped as the
guest called out, "It's the Poison Control Center. They want
to know how the spaghetti sauce turned out."

Famous Quotes Casserole Recipes Halloween Recipes Recipe

Christmas Funny Jokes Famous Quotes

[ funny jokes ] The perfect husband

	My Groups \| funny-jokes Main Page

The Perfect Husband

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and begins to talk.

Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: "Hello"

WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"

MAN: "Yes"

WOMAN: "I'm at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"

MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."

WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2005 models. I saw one I really liked."

MAN: "How much?"

WOMAN: "$60,000"

MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."

WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing ? The house we wanted last year is?back on the market. They're asking $950,000."

MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer $900,000."

WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you!"

MAN: "Bye, I love you, too." The man hangs up.

The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment.

Then the man smiles and asks: "Anyone know who this phone belongs to?"??

Famous Quotes Casserole Recipes Halloween Recipes Recipe

Christmas Funny Jokes Famous Quotes

9.05.2005

[ funny jokes ] Alabama humor

	My Groups \| funny-jokes Main Page

Two nurses were helping an elderly retired master chief petty officer out of
his wheelchair at the Veteran's Hospital, when they noticed the man had a
tattoo on his knee.

"What's that?" asked one of the nurses, unable to make out the design.

"It's a banjo," he said sheepishly. "I'm from Alabama."

(think back to old songs!)

Thelly, the Storylady, Cardiff by the Sea
For a virtual visit go to http://www.lifestorywriting.net/
Join the fun at http://groups.msn.com/LifeStoryWriting
For Quiet Moments http://www.gospelcom.net/rbc/odb/odb.shtml
Seeking? http://www.reasons4faith.org/
Spiritual Retreat http://groups.yahoo.com/group/spiritual-retreat/
Christian World View www.thetruthproject.org
My Blog Spot: http://cardiffstorylady.blogspot.com/

Quotes Recipes German Food Mexican Dishes Chili Recipes Stock Market Rice Recipes Salsa Recipe Martini Recipes Cake Recipes Italian Recipes Funny Jokes Recipes

YAHOO! GROUPS LINKS Visit your group " Funny Jokes 0 comments links to this post Famous Quotes Casserole Recipes Halloween Recipes Recipe Christmas Funny Jokes Famous Quotes

[ funny jokes ] Fresh air and sunshine http://groups.yahoo.com/group/funny-jokes/ http://www.jokes-joke.com/ http://funny-jokes.blogspot.com/ http://www.quotes-world.com/ http://www.mail-archive.com/funny-jokes@yahoogroups.com/ http://www.mail-archive.com/funny-jokes@yahoogroups.com/maillist.html http://www.worldfamousrecipes.com/index.php/627 http://www.worldfamousrecipes.com/ My Groups | funny-jokes Main Page You're in incredible shape," the doctor said. "How old are you again?" "I'm 78." The man said. "78?" asked the doctor. "How do you stay so healthy? You look like a 60 year old." "Well," the man explained, "my wife and I made a pact when we got married that whenever she got mad with me, she would go into the kitchen and cool off and I would go outside to settle down." "What does that have to do with it?" asked the doctor. "I've pretty much lived an outdoor life." Thelly, the Storylady, Cardiff by the Sea For a virtual visit go to http://www.lifestorywriting.net/ Join the fun at http://groups.msn.com/LifeStoryWriting For Quiet Moments http://www.gospelcom.net/rbc/odb/odb.shtml Seeking? http://www.reasons4faith.org/ Spiritual Retreat http://groups.yahoo.com/group/spiritual-retreat/ Christian World View www.thetruthproject.org My Blog Spot: http://cardiffstorylady.blogspot.com/ Quotes Recipes German Food Mexican Dishes Chili Recipes Stock Market Rice Recipes Salsa Recipe Martini Recipes Cake Recipes Italian Recipes Funny Jokes Recipes Funny Jokes 0 comments links to this post Famous Quotes Casserole Recipes Halloween Recipes Recipe Christmas Funny Jokes Famous Quotes

Links Joke Site Links Famous Quotes Top Ten Humor Free Internet Jokes Good Clean Jokes Jokes about ... Christmas Sites Christmas Quotes Christmas Carols A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens Christmas Carol Christmas Tree Clipart Christmas Stockings Christmas Christmas Gifts Shopping Online Christmas Quotes Christmas Recipes Weblogs Phoenix Arizona Relocation Phoenix Arizona Community Home Improvement Funny Quotes Famous Recipes Christmas Daily Bible Verse Life Story Writing HTTP in Phoenix AZ Search Engines Arizona News Famous Quotes Love Poetry Famous Quotes BillBoard Famous Recipes Jobs and Employment Wireless LAN Writing Resources World Famous Recipes Mailing Lists Famous Quotes Wireless LAN World Famous Recipes Chicken Recipes Other Sites Famous Quotes Famous Quotes Famous Quotes Arizona SEO Domain Names Famous Quotes Arizona Tech Famous Recipes Stock Quotes Cash Advance Virus Hoax Busters World Famous Recipes Arizona SEO Services Arizona Search Engine Optimization Recipes Arizona SEO Company SEO Experts Famous Quotes Famous People Thinks He's Famous Recipes Sites chicken recipes chicken soup recipes crock pot recipes slow cooker recipes Thanksgiving recipes turkey recipes Previous Posts [ funny jokes ] Pick up sticks [ funny jokes ] School [ funny jokes ] The Preacher's Experiment [ funny jokes ] Jiminy Cricket Christmas Funny Quotes [ funny jokes ] Late ones, but funny RAINDEER FOOD [ funny jokes ] 12 Reasons to be thankful you burned the turkey [ funny jokes ] Bilingual typist wanted... Thanksgiving Quotes Funny Archives 08/10/2003 - 08/16/2003 08/17/2003 - 08/23/2003 08/24/2003 - 08/30/2003 08/31/2003 - 09/06/2003 09/07/2003 - 09/13/2003 09/14/2003 - 09/20/2003 09/21/2003 - 09/27/2003 09/28/2003 - 10/04/2003 10/05/2003 - 10/11/2003 10/12/2003 - 10/18/2003 10/19/2003 - 10/25/2003 10/26/2003 - 11/01/2003 11/02/2003 - 11/08/2003 11/09/2003 - 11/15/2003 11/16/2003 - 11/22/2003 11/23/2003 - 11/29/2003 11/30/2003 - 12/06/2003 12/14/2003 - 12/20/2003 12/21/2003 - 12/27/2003 12/28/2003 - 01/03/2004 01/04/2004 - 01/10/2004 01/11/2004 - 01/17/2004 01/18/2004 - 01/24/2004 01/25/2004 - 01/31/2004 02/01/2004 - 02/07/2004 02/08/2004 - 02/14/2004 02/15/2004 - 02/21/2004 02/22/2004 - 02/28/2004 02/29/2004 - 03/06/2004 03/07/2004 - 03/13/2004 03/14/2004 - 03/20/2004 03/21/2004 - 03/27/2004 03/28/2004 - 04/03/2004 04/04/2004 - 04/10/2004 04/11/2004 - 04/17/2004 04/25/2004 - 05/01/2004 05/02/2004 - 05/08/2004 05/09/2004 - 05/15/2004 05/16/2004 - 05/22/2004 05/23/2004 - 05/29/2004 05/30/2004 - 06/05/2004 06/06/2004 - 06/12/2004 06/13/2004 - 06/19/2004 06/20/2004 - 06/26/2004 06/27/2004 - 07/03/2004 07/04/2004 - 07/10/2004 07/11/2004 - 07/17/2004 07/18/2004 - 07/24/2004 07/25/2004 - 07/31/2004 08/01/2004 - 08/07/2004 08/08/2004 - 08/14/2004 08/15/2004 - 08/21/2004 08/22/2004 - 08/28/2004 08/29/2004 - 09/04/2004 09/05/2004 - 09/11/2004 09/12/2004 - 09/18/2004 09/19/2004 - 09/25/2004 09/26/2004 - 10/02/2004 10/03/2004 - 10/09/2004 10/10/2004 - 10/16/2004 10/17/2004 - 10/23/2004 10/24/2004 - 10/30/2004 10/31/2004 - 11/06/2004 11/07/2004 - 11/13/2004 11/14/2004 - 11/20/2004 11/21/2004 - 11/27/2004 12/05/2004 - 12/11/2004 12/12/2004 - 12/18/2004 12/19/2004 - 12/25/2004 12/26/2004 - 01/01/2005 01/02/2005 - 01/08/2005 01/09/2005 - 01/15/2005 01/16/2005 - 01/22/2005 01/23/2005 - 01/29/2005 01/30/2005 - 02/05/2005 02/06/2005 - 02/12/2005 02/13/2005 - 02/19/2005 02/20/2005 - 02/26/2005 02/27/2005 - 03/05/2005 03/06/2005 - 03/12/2005 03/13/2005 - 03/19/2005 03/20/2005 - 03/26/2005 03/27/2005 - 04/02/2005 04/03/2005 - 04/09/2005 04/10/2005 - 04/16/2005 04/17/2005 - 04/23/2005 04/24/2005 - 04/30/2005 05/01/2005 - 05/07/2005 05/08/2005 - 05/14/2005 05/15/2005 - 05/21/2005 05/22/2005 - 05/28/2005 05/29/2005 - 06/04/2005 06/05/2005 - 06/11/2005 06/12/2005 - 06/18/2005 06/19/2005 - 06/25/2005 06/26/2005 - 07/02/2005 07/03/2005 - 07/09/2005 07/10/2005 - 07/16/2005 07/17/2005 - 07/23/2005 07/24/2005 - 07/30/2005 07/31/2005 - 08/06/2005 08/07/2005 - 08/13/2005 08/14/2005 - 08/20/2005 08/21/2005 - 08/27/2005 08/28/2005 - 09/03/2005 09/04/2005 - 09/10/2005 09/11/2005 - 09/17/2005 09/18/2005 - 09/24/2005 09/25/2005 - 10/01/2005 10/02/2005 - 10/08/2005 10/09/2005 - 10/15/2005 10/16/2005 - 10/22/2005 10/23/2005 - 10/29/2005 10/30/2005 - 11/05/2005 11/06/2005 - 11/12/2005 11/13/2005 - 11/19/2005 11/20/2005 - 11/26/2005 11/27/2005 - 12/03/2005

Disclaimer: I claim no authorship of anything on this site unless expressly cited as my work. Much of what is here is sent in unattributed. If I know the author/owner of any item it is indicated on the item. I intend no infringement on anyone's copyright, or work. If you find anything here that is your work and you would like credit and/or a link to your web site or would like it removed from the archive, please let me know and I will take care of it as quickly as possible.