Funny Jokes

9.29.2005

[ funny jokes ] A Lawyer and a Blonde



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A Lawyer and a Blonde
A lawyer and a blonde woman are sitting next to each other on a long flight from L.A. to New York. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde is tired and just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains how the game works:
 
"I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me, and visa-versa."
Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep. The chauvinistic lawyer figures he will easily win the match since his opponent is a blonde, so he makes another offer:
"Okay, how about this. If you don't know the answer you pay me only $5, but if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $50."
 
This catches the blonde's attention and,  figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, she agrees to play the game.
The lawyer asks the first question.
"What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"
 
The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a five-dollar bill and hands it to the lawyer. Now it's the blonde's turn. She asks the lawyer,
"What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?"
 
The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look.
 
He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. He taps into the airphone with his modem and searches the Net and even the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and co-workers - all to no avail. After over an hour of searching for the answer, he finally gives up. He wakes the blonde and hands her $50. The
blonde politely takes the $50 and turns away to get back to sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little frustrated, wakes the blonde and asks,
 
"Well, so what IS the answer?"
 
Again without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.
 
 
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    9.28.2005

    [ funny jokes ] Hoot Owls



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    Each evening a bird lover, Tom, stood in his backyard,
    hooting like an owl. One night an owl called back to him.

    For a year, Tom and his feathered friend hooted back and
    forth. He even kept a log of the "conversation."

    Just as he thought he was on the verge of a breakthrough in
    inter-species communication, his wife had a chat with her
    neighbor.

    "My husband spends his nights calling out to owls," she
    said.

    "That's odd," the neighbor replied, "so does mine."
     
     
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    9.27.2005

    Insurance Quotes - Ski Trip

    Famous Insurance Quotes
    from my insurance company.

    Ski Trip

    Our family took a ski trip, and I was knocked unconscious by the chairlift. I called my insurance company from the hospital, but it refused to cover my injury. "Why not?" I complained.

    "You got hit in the head by a chairlift," the insurance rep said. "That makes you a moron, and we consider that a pre-existing condition."



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    9.26.2005

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    [ funny jokes ] Gov'mint work



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    Two  city landscapers were working diligently alongside the
    streets of a huge office complex. One would dig a hole and
    the other would follow behind him and fill the hole in.

    They worked up one side of a street, then down the other,
    then moved on to the next street, working furiously all day
    without rest, one guy digging a hole, the other guy filling
    it in again.

    An onlooker was amazed at their hard work, but couldn't
    understand what they were doing. So he asked the hole
    digger, "I'm impressed by the effort you two are putting
    into your work, but I don't get it -- why do you dig a hole,
    only to have your partner follow behind and fill it up
    again?"

    The hole digger wiped his brow and sighed, "Well, I suppose
    it probably looks odd because we're normally a three-man
    team. But today the guy who plants the trees called in
    sick."
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    9.25.2005

    [ funny jokes ] The First Class Airline Agent



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    During the final days at Denver's old Stapleton airport, a crowded United flight was canceled. A single agent was rebooking a long line of inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket on the counter and said:

    "I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS."

    The agent replied, "I am sorry, sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these folks first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out."

    The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear,

    "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?"

    Without hesitating, the agent smiled, and grabbed her public address microphone,
     
    "May I have your attention please," she began, her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal.
     
    "We have a passenger here at Gate 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to Gate 14."

    With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the United agent, gritted his teeth and retreated as the people in the terminal applauded loudly.

    Although the passengers were delayed and late, all but one

    were no longer frustrated and angry.

                      ~ Author Unknown ~

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