Funny Jokes - Funny Jokes and Humor: 11/13/2005 - 11/19/2005 - Funny Jokes and Humor from a variety of sources are posted when the mood hits. Funny Joke postings sent to the Funny Jokes Mailing List are also archived here.

11.19.2005

[ funny jokes ] Happy Marriage

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"HOW TO HANDLE A HUSBAND"

A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary on the beach in Montego Bay, Jamaica.

Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town. "What a peaceful & loving couple". The local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage.

"Well, it dates back to our honeymoon in America," explained the man.

"We visited the Grand Canyon in Arizona and took a trip down to the bottom of the canyon by horse. We hadn't gone too far when my wife's horse stumbled and she almost fell off.

My wife looked down at the horse and quietly said," That's once."

"We proceeded a little further and the horse stumbled again, this time causing her to drop her water. Once more my wife quietly said, "That's twice."

We hadn't gone a half-mile when the horse stumbled for a third time. My wife quietly removed a revolver from her purse and shot the horse dead.

I shouted at her, "What 's wrong with you, Woman! Why did you shoot the poor animal like that? Are you crazy??"

She looked at me, and quietly said, "That's once."

"And from that moment... we have lived happily ever after."

Thelly http://cardiffstorylady.blogspot.com/

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[ funny jokes ] Thanksgiving hoax

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One year at Thanksgiving my Mom went to my sister's house for the traditional feast.

Knowing how gullible my sister is, my mom decided to play a trick. She told my sister that she needed something from the store.

When my sister left, My mom took the turkey out of the oven, removed the stuffing, stuffed a Cornish game hen, and inserted it into the turkey and re-stuffed the turkey. She put it back in the oven.

When it was time for dinner, my sister pulled the turkey out of the oven and proceeded to remove the stuffing. When her serving spoon hit something, she reached in and pulled out the little bird. With a look of total shock on her face, my mother exclaimed, "you killed a pregnant bird!"

At the reality of this horrifying news, my sister started to cry. It took the whole family two hours to convince her that turkeys lay eggs!

Thelly, the Storylady, Cardiff by the Sea
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[ funny jokes ] Headstone humor

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Many years ago a farmer couple gave birth to a son. They named him "Odd."
   When Odd began going to school all of his classmates teased him because of his name. He finally graduated and got a factory job, and once again all of his co-workers would poke fun at his name.
       Finally, he got married and lived and worked a farm, since he could not take being around people teasing him about his name.
   When he became 50 years old, he told his wife that he was fed up with going through life with his name. He told her when he died that would end it. No one would ever make fun of him again.
       He requested that his wife not put his name on his headstone, only the date he was born and the date he died.
       About 20 years later the poor farmer died. His wife wanted to honor his wishes and purchased his headstone with no name engraved; just the date he was born and the date he died.
   Today when mourners visit the cemetery, they walk by and look at his headstone and see there is no name on the headstone and they always say, "Isn't that Odd?"

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11.18.2005

[ funny jokes ] Gun Jokes

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Gun Jokes

A little boy ran home from school on the first day and pestered his
mother into taking him into a toy shop. When they got there he
insisted that she buy him a gun. "But why do you need a gun?" asked
his mother. "Because teacher told us she was going to teach us to draw
tomorrow."

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11.17.2005

[ funny jokes ] Bell ringer

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St. Peter is very busy in Heaven, so he leaves a sign by the
Pearly Gates: "For Service Ring Bell." Away he goes; he
barely gets started when BING! the bell rings. He rushes
back to the gates, but no one's there.

St. Peter goes back to work when suddenly BING! the bell
rings again. He rushes back to the gates, but no one's
there. A little annoyed, St. Peter goes back to work.

Suddenly, BING! the bell rings again. St. Peter goes back;
again, no one's there. "Okay, that's it," St. Peter says.
"I'm going to hide and watch to see what's going on." So St.
Peter hides, and a moment later, a little old man walks up
and rings the bell.

St. Peter jumps out and yells, "Aha! Are you the guy who
keeps ringing the bell?"

"Yes, that's me," the little old man says.

"Well, why do you keep ringing the bell and going away?" St.
Peter asks.

"They keep resuscitating me," he replies.

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11.16.2005 [ funny jokes ] Power outage... http://groups.yahoo.com/group/funny-jokes/ http://www.jokes-joke.com/ http://funny-jokes.blogspot.com/ http://www.quotes-world.com/ http://www.mail-archive.com/funny-jokes@yahoogroups.com/ http://www.mail-archive.com/funny-jokes@yahoogroups.com/maillist.html http://www.worldfamousrecipes.com/index.php/627 http://www.worldfamousrecipes.com/ My Groups | funny-jokes Main Page Fred, Jim, and Scott were at a convention together and were sharing a large suite on the top of a 75-story skyscraper. After a long day of meetings, they were shocked to hear that the elevators in their hotel were broken and they would have to climb 75 flights of stairs to get to their room. Bill said to Jim and Scott, "Let's break the monotony of this unpleasant task by concentrating on something interesting. I'll tell jokes for 25 flights, Jim can sing songs for the next 25 flights, and Scott can tell sad stories for the rest of the way." At the 26th floor, Bill stopped telling jokes and Jim began to sing. At the 51st floor, Jim stopped singing and Scott began to tell sad stories. "I will tell my saddest story first," he said. "I left the room key in the car!" Thelly, the Storylady, Cardiff by the Sea For a virtual visit go to http://www.lifestorywriting.net/ Join the fun at http://groups.msn.com/LifeStoryWriting For Quiet Moments http://www.gospelcom.net/rbc/odb/odb.shtml Seeking? http://www.reasons4faith.org/ Spiritual Retreat http://groups.yahoo.com/group/spiritual-retreat/ The Truth Project www.thetruthproject.org My Blog Spot: http://cardiffstorylady.blogspot.com/ YAHOO! GROUPS LINKS Visit your group "funny-jokes" on the web. To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to: funny-jokes-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service. Funny Jokes 0 comments links to this post Famous Quotes Casserole Recipes Halloween Recipes Recipe Christmas Funny Jokes Famous Quotes 11.15.2005 [ funny jokes ] There's roses for that? ------------------------ Yahoo! Groups Sponsor --------------------~--> Get fast access to your favorite Yahoo! Groups. Make Yahoo! your home page http://us.click.yahoo.com/dpRU5A/wUILAA/yQLSAA/ZkgolB/TM --------------------------------------------------------------------~-> I stopped at a florist shop after work to pick up roses for my wife. As the clerk was putting the finishing touches on the bouquet, a young man burst through the door, breathlessly requesting a dozen red roses. "I'm sorry," the clerk said. "This man just ordered our last bunch." The desperate customer turned to me and begged, "May I please have those roses?" "What happened?" I asked. "Did you forget your wedding anniversary?" "It's even worse than that," he confided. "I crashed my wife's hard drive!" Thelly, the Storylady, Cardiff by the Sea For a virtual visit go to http://www.lifestorywriting.net/ Join the fun at http://groups.msn.com/LifeStoryWriting For Quiet Moments http://www.gospelcom.net/rbc/odb/odb.shtml Seeking? http://www.reasons4faith.org/ Spiritual Retreat http://groups.yahoo.com/group/spiritual-retreat/ The Truth Project www.thetruthproject.org My Blog Spot: http://cardiffstorylady.blogspot.com/ http://groups.yahoo.com/group/funny-jokes/ http://www.jokes-joke.com/ http://funny-jokes.blogspot.com/ http://www.quotes-world.com/ http://www.mail-archive.com/funny-jokes@yahoogroups.com/ http://www.mail-archive.com/funny-jokes@yahoogroups.com/maillist.html http://www.worldfamousrecipes.com/index.php/627 http://www.worldfamousrecipes.com/ Yahoo! Groups Links <*> To visit your group on the web, go to: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/funny-jokes/ <*> To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to: funny-jokes-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com <*> Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to: http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/ Funny Jokes 0 comments links to this post Famous Quotes Casserole Recipes Halloween Recipes Recipe Christmas Funny Jokes Famous Quotes Links Joke Site Links Famous Quotes Top Ten Humor Free Internet Jokes Good Clean Jokes Jokes about ... 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