Funny Jokes - Grandmas & Kids

Funny Jokes - Grandmas & Kids

After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into old slacks
and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the children
getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. At last she threw a
towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with
stern warnings. As she left the room, she heard the three-year-old say with a
trembling voice, "Who was THAT?"
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A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood was
like: "We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it
hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries
in the woods." The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this in. At last she said,
"I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"
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My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how you
and God are alike?" I mentally polished my halo while I asked,"No, how are we
alike? "You're both old," he replied.
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A little 4 yr. old girl was diligently pounding away on her grandfather's word
processor. She told him she was writing a story. "What's it about?" he asked. "I
don't know," she replied. "I can't read."
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I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I decided to
test her. I would point out something and ask what color it was. She would tell
me, and always she was correct. But it was fun for me, so I continued.
At last she headed for the door, saying sagely, "Grandma, I think you should
try to figure out some of these yourself!"
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A Sunda y school class was studying the Ten Commandments. They were ready to
discuss the last one. The teacher asked if anyone could tell her what it was.
Susie raised her hand, stood tall, and quoted, "Thou shall not take the covers
off thy neighbor's wife,"
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Our five-year-old grandson couldn't wait to tell his grandfather about the movie
we had watched on television, "20,000 Leagues Under the Sea." The scenes with
the submarine and the giant octopus had kept him wide-eyed. In the middle of the
telling, my husband interrupted, "Mark! What caused the submarine to sink?" With
a look of incredulity Mark replied, "Grampa, it was the 20,000 leaks!!"
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When my grandson, Billy, and I entered our vacation cabin, we kept the lights
off until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky insects. Still, a few
fire flies followed us in. Noticing them before I did, Billy whispered, "It's no
use, Grandpa. The mosquitoes are coming after us with flashlights."
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When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied, "I'm not sure."
"Look in your underwear, Grandma," he advised. "Mine says I'm four to six."
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A second grader came home from school and said to her grandmother, "Grandma,
guess what? We learned how to make babies today." The grandmother, more than a
little surprised, tried to keep her cool. "That's interesting," she said, "How
do you make babies?" "It's simple," replied the girl. "You just change 'y' of
'baby' to 'i' and add 'es' " (What English Teacher wouldn't love that one?)
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Children's Logic: "Give me a sentence about a public servant," sa id a teacher.
The small boy wrote: "The Fireman came down the ladder pregnant." The teacher
took the lad aside to correct him. "Don't you know what pregnant means?" she
asked. "Sure," said the young boy confidently. "It means carrying a child."
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A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one
day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck
was a Dalmatian. The children started discussing the dog's duties. "They use him
to keep crowds back," said one youngster. "No, said another, " he's just for
good luck." A third child brought the argument to a close. "They use the dogs",
she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrant." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My three year old walked into the kitchen and announced she'd figured it out:
"When I get older and have babies, you'll be their grandmother." I was impressed
with her deductive reasoning until she went on with a glint in her eye: "...that
is if you live long enough."
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Mommy Test
I was out walking with my 4 year old daughter. She picked up something off the
ground and started to put it in her mouth. I took the item away from her and I
asked her not to do that.
"Why?" my daughter asked. "Because it's been laying outside; you don't know
where it's been, it's dirty and probably has germs," I replied. At this point,
my daughter looked at me with total admiration and asked, "Wow! How do you know
all this stuff?" "Uh," I was thinking quickly, "All Moms know this stuff. It's
on the Mommy Test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a Mommy." We
walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but she was evidently pondering this
new information. "Oh...I get it!" she beamed, "So if you don't pass the test you
have to be the daddy" "Exactly!" I replied back with a big smile on my face and
joy in my heart.