Funny Jokes

1.14.2006

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Funny Jokes

1. Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own
pants.

2. Marriage changes passion. Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.

3. I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it. So I said
"Implants?" She hit me.

4. I don't do drugs. I get the same effect just standing up fast.

5. I live in my own little world. But it's OK. They know me here.

6. I got a sweater for Christmas. I really wanted a screamer or a moaner.

7. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

8. I don't approve of political jokes. I've seen too many of them get
elected.

9. There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and Shithead's.

10. I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

11. I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect; therefore, I am perfect.

12. Every day I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days
I've stayed alive.

13. How come we choose from just two people to run for president and 50
for Miss America?

14. Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing
section in a swimming pool?

15. Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.

16. Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words:
"Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been!"

17. A good friend will come and bail you out of jail...but, a true friend
will be sitting next to you saying, "Damn...that was fun!


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1.13.2006

[ funny jokes ] Wee Wisdom



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Little Susie, a six-year-old, came home from school whining,
"Mommy, I've got a stomachache."

"That's because your stomach is empty," her mother replied.
"You'd feel better if you had something in it." She gave
Susie a snack and sure enough, Susie felt better right away.

That afternoon the family's minister dropped by. While he
was chatting with Susie's mom, he mentioned he'd had a bad
headache all day long.

Susie perked up. "That's because it's empty," she said.
"You'd feel better if you had something in it!"
 
 
Thelly, the Storylady, Cardiff by the Sea
For a virtual visit go to http://www.lifestorywriting.net/
Join the fun at http://groups.msn.com/LifeStoryWriting
For Quiet Moments http://www.gospelcom.net/rbc/odb/odb.shtml
Seeking? http://www.reasons4faith.org/
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1.11.2006

[ funny jokes ] The Tithe



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THE TITHE
 
A little boy in church for the first time watched as the
ushers passed around the offering plates.
 
When they came near his pew, the boy said loudly,
"Don't pay for me, Daddy, I'm under five."
 
 
Thelly, the Storylady, Cardiff by the Sea
For a virtual visit go to http://www.lifestorywriting.net/
Join the fun at http://groups.msn.com/LifeStoryWriting
For Quiet Moments http://www.gospelcom.net/rbc/odb/odb.shtml
Seeking? http://www.reasons4faith.org/
Spiritual Retreat http://groups.yahoo.com/group/spiritual-retreat/
The Truth Project  www.thetruthproject.org
My Blog Spot:  http://cardiffstorylady.blogspot.com/


YAHOO! GROUPS LINKS




Famous Quotes Casserole Recipes Halloween Recipes Recipe

Christmas Funny Jokes Famous Quotes