Funny Jokes - Barbie - Boston Style...
Mattel announces the release of models of Limited Edition Barbie Dolls
Newton Barbie: This princess Barbie is only sold at Chestnut Hill Mall. She
comes with an assortment of Kate Spade handbags, a Lexus, a longhaired
foreign dog-named Honey and a cookie cutter house. Available with or without
tummy tuck and face-lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with
Revere Barbie: This tobacco chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her
own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased her
beer-gutted boyfriend Ken out of her triple-decker. Her make-up is dark red
lip liner with your choice of lips covered in a sparkly pink or no fill-in
at all. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans with assorted
colored G-strings that stick out the back and a white see-through
halter-top. Accessories include: CD-player equipped with Bon Jovi and a
rusty old Ford pick up.
Lexington Barbie: This trendy homemaker Barbie is available with your choice
of Lexus SUV or Ford Windstar minivan. She gets lost easily and has no full
time occupation or secondary education. Traffic jamming cell phone sold
separately. Optional matching gym outfit.
Dorchester Barbie: This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a
Ray Lewis knife, a Chevy with tinted windows and her own Meth Lab kit. This
model is available after dark and can be paid for only in cash. Preferably
small, untraceable bills. Unless you're a cop...then we don't know what
you're talking about.
Brookline Barbie: This yuppie Barbie comes with choice of a BMW sports car
or a souped-up Hummer 2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card and
country club membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and
Private School Skipper. But you can't afford them anyway.
Billerica Barbie: This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans
two sizes too small, a Harley Davidson shirt and has a tattoo of a Tweety
bird on her shoulder. She has big, stiff hair, a six-pack of Bud Light and a
Lynard Skynard CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and can kick Mullet-haired
Kenny doll's ass when she's drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and
get its NASCAR bumper stickers absolutely free.
Nahant Barbie: This collagen injected, rhino-plastic Barbie wears a
leopard-print beach outfit and drinks cosmopolitans while she entertains
friends at the beach house. Percocet prescription available.
Cambridge Barbie: This doll is made of actual tofu, has long gray hair and
arch-less feet, sandals with white socks, no makeup and a mutt. She prefers
that you call her "Willow."
Dedham Barbie: This soccer mom Barbie comes with a Suburban or Minivan and
comes equipped with TV, VCR and DVD player and baby car seats or boosters
for the 8 kids permanently attached to the seats of the vehicle. This
toddler toting Barbie comes with cell phone, pager, palm pilot, and dressed
in gym clothes with Nike Air tennis shoes. Vehicle of choice comes with
Jesus fish and stuffed Tiger with suction cup paws to stick on rear window.
Bumper sticker for honor roll student and Chuck E Cheese Pizza optional.
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