Southernness - Southern Women

Southern women appreciate their natural assets:
Clean skin.
A winning smile.
That unforgettable Southern drawl.

Southern women know their manners:
"Yes, ma'am."
"Yes, sir."
"Why, no, Billy!"

Southern women have a distinct way with fond expressions:
"Y'all come back!"
"Well, bless your heart."
"Drop by when you can."
"How's your Momma?"

Southern women know their summer weather report:
Humidity
Humidity
Humidity

Southern women know their vacation spots:
The beach
The rivuh
The crick

Southern women know the joys of June, July, and August:
Colorful hi-heel sandals
Strapless sun dresses
Iced sweet tea with mint

Southern women know everybody's first name:
Honey
Darlin'
Shugah

Southern women know the movies that speak to their hearts:
Fried Green Tomatoes
Driving Miss Daisy
Steel Magnolias
Gone With The Wind

Southern women know their religions:
Baptist
Methodist
Football

Southern women know their country breakfasts:
Red-eye gravy
Grits
Eggs
Country ham
Mouth-watering homemade biscuits with momma's homemade jelly

Southern women know their cities dripping with Southern charm:
Chawl'stn
S'vanah
Foat Wuth
N'awlins
Addlanna

Southern women know their elegant gentlemen:
Men in uniform
Men in tuxedos
Rhett Butler

Southern girls know their prime real estate:
The Mall
The Country Club
The Beauty Salon

Southern girls know the 3 deadly sins:
Having bad hair and nails
Having bad manners
Cooking bad food

More Suthen-ism's:
Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a

conniption fit, and that you don't "HAVE" them, you "PITCH" them.
_____

Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens,

peas, beans, etc., make up "a mess."
_____

Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of

"yonder."
_____

Only a Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is, as in:"Going

to town, be back directly."
_____

Even Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request

for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in

the middle of the table.
_____

All Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is… They might not use

the term, but they know the concept well.
_____

Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a

neighbor who's got trouble- is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl

of cold potato salad. If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also

know to add a large banana puddin'!
_____

Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near"

and "a right far piece." They also know that "just down the road"

can be 1 mile or 20.
_____

Only a Southerner both knows and understands the difference between

redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash.
_____

No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn

signal is actually going to make a turn.
_____

A Southerner knows that "fixin" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an

adverb.
_____

Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines... and when we're

"in line," we talk to everybody!
_____

Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're

related, even if only by marriage.
_____

In the South, y'all is singular, all y'all is plural.
_____

Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.
_____

Every Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are

perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that

fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.
_____

When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin'," you know

you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!
_____

Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and" sweet milk." Sweet tea

indicates the need for sugar and lots of it -- we do not like our tea

unsweetened. "Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk.
_____

And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old

ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say, "Bless her heart"

... and go your own way.
_____

To those of you who are still a little embarrassed by your Southerness:

Take two tent revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and call me in the

morning. Bless your heart!
_____

And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all this

Southern stuff, ... bless your hearts, I hear they are fixin' to have classes

on Southernness as a second language!
_____

And for those that are not from the South but have lived here for a long

time, all y'all need a sign to hang on y'all's front porch that reads,

"I ain't from the South, but I got here as fast as I could."


Southern girls know men may come and go, but friends are fahevah!!!

Now......Shugah, send this to someone who was raised in the South or wish

they had been!!!

If you're a Northern transplant, Bless your little heart, fake it…
We know you got here as fast as you could- J


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