Why I hate driving in Los Angeles
Funny Jokes
Why I hate driving in Los Angeles
1. You must first learn to pronounce the city
name, it is L A
2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00am to noon.
The evening rush hour is from noon to 7:00pm. Friday's
rush hour starts on Thursday morning.
3. The minimum acceptable speed on most freeways
is 85 mph. On the 105 or 110, your speed is expected
to match the highway number. Anything less is
considered "Wussy".
4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere.
L A has its own version of traffic rules. For example,
cars/trucks with the loudest muffler go first at a
four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires go
second. However, in Malibu, SUV-driving, cell
phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.
5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you
will be rear ended, cussed out, and possibly shot.
6. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously. It's
another offense that can get you shot.
7. Road construction is permanent and continuous
in all of L A and Orange counties. Detour barrels are
moved around for your entertainment pleasure during
the middle of the night to make the next day's driving
a bit more exciting.
8. Watch carefully for road hazards such as
drunks, skunks, dogs, cats, barrels, cones, celebs,
rubberneckers shredded tires, cell phoners, deer and
other road kill, and the coyotes feeding on any of
these items.
9. Map quest does not work here, none of the roads
are where they say they are or go where they say they
do and all the freeway off and on ramps are moved each
night.
10. If someone actually has their turn signal on,
wave them to the shoulder immediately to let them know
it has been "accidentally activated."
11. If you are in the left lane and only driving
70 in a 55-65 mph zone, you are considered a road
hazard and will be "flipped off" accordingly. If you
return the flip, you'll be shot.
12. Do not try to estimate travel time, just leave
Monday afternoon for Tuesday appointments, by noon
Thursday for Friday and right after church on Sunday
for anything on Monday morning.
Why I hate driving in Los Angeles
1. You must first learn to pronounce the city
name, it is L A
2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00am to noon.
The evening rush hour is from noon to 7:00pm. Friday's
rush hour starts on Thursday morning.
3. The minimum acceptable speed on most freeways
is 85 mph. On the 105 or 110, your speed is expected
to match the highway number. Anything less is
considered "Wussy".
4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere.
L A has its own version of traffic rules. For example,
cars/trucks with the loudest muffler go first at a
four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires go
second. However, in Malibu, SUV-driving, cell
phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.
5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you
will be rear ended, cussed out, and possibly shot.
6. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously. It's
another offense that can get you shot.
7. Road construction is permanent and continuous
in all of L A and Orange counties. Detour barrels are
moved around for your entertainment pleasure during
the middle of the night to make the next day's driving
a bit more exciting.
8. Watch carefully for road hazards such as
drunks, skunks, dogs, cats, barrels, cones, celebs,
rubberneckers shredded tires, cell phoners, deer and
other road kill, and the coyotes feeding on any of
these items.
9. Map quest does not work here, none of the roads
are where they say they are or go where they say they
do and all the freeway off and on ramps are moved each
night.
10. If someone actually has their turn signal on,
wave them to the shoulder immediately to let them know
it has been "accidentally activated."
11. If you are in the left lane and only driving
70 in a 55-65 mph zone, you are considered a road
hazard and will be "flipped off" accordingly. If you
return the flip, you'll be shot.
12. Do not try to estimate travel time, just leave
Monday afternoon for Tuesday appointments, by noon
Thursday for Friday and right after church on Sunday
for anything on Monday morning.
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