I called the local newspaper's classified section to complain about
an ad I'd placed. It was obvious the person who took my information
had never spent any time on a farm. "I said 'ewes,'" I argued.
"Pardon?" replied the operator. "Ewes. It makes a difference to some
people." The ad that was placed read: "Sheep for sale -- USED."
Used Sheep Baseball
A newlywed couple who were both avid baseball fans attended a game at
Sox Park. They were still on their honeymoon and very affectionate,
hugging and kissing so much that they weren't able to follow the
game. After a couple of seconds of thought the wife says, "I've got
an idea, honey. You kiss me on the strikes and I'll kiss you on the
It was the first day of Third Grade in a new town for little Johnny.
As a test, his teacher went around the room and asked each of the
students to count to 50. Some did very well, counting as high as 30
or 40 with just a few mistakes. Others couldn't get past 20. Johnny,
however, did extremely well; he counted past 50, right up to 100
without any mistakes. He was so excited that he ran home and told his
Dad how well he had done. His Dad nodded and told him, "That's
because you are from Alabama, Son." The next day, in language class,
the teacher asked the students to recite the alphabet. It's Grade
Three, so most could make it half way through without much trouble.
Some made it to S or T, but little Johnny rattled off the alphabet
perfectly right to the end. That evening, Johnny once again bragged
to his Dad about his prowess in his new school. His Dad, knowingly,
explained to him, "That's because you are from Alabama, Son." The
next day, after Physical Education, the boys were taking showers.
Johnny noted that, compared to the other boys in his grade, he seemed
overly "well-endowed." This confused him. That night he told his dad,
"Dad, they all have little tiny ones, but mine is ten times bigger
than theirs. Is that because I'm from Alabama?" he asked. "No, Son,"
explained his Dad, "That's because you're 18."