Funny Jokes - Famous Jokes - Written by a man!

Written by a man!

Dear Diary,

I never have quite figured out why the sexual urges of men & women differ so
much. And I have never figured out the whole 'Venus and Mars' thing. I've also
never figured out why men think with their head while women think with their
heart. And I've yet to figure out how the sexual desire gene gets thrown into a
state of turmoil, when it hears the words "I do". One evening last week, my wife
and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she
eventually says: "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me". I said:
"WHAT??????" So she says the words that I and every husband on the planet
dread. She explains that I must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a
Woman. I'm thinking: "What was her first clue?". I finally realize that nothing
was going to happen that night, so I went to sleep. The very next day, we went
shopping at a big, unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she
tried on three different very expensive outfits. She could not decide which one
to take so I told her to take all three of them. She then tells me that she
wants matching shoes worth $200.00 a pair to which I say ok. And then we go to
the jewelry dept. where she gets a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell
you.......she was so excited. She must have thought that I was one wave short of
a shipwreck, but I don't think she cared. I think she was testing me when she
asked for a tennis bracelet because she does not even play tennis. I think I
threw her for a loop when I told her that it was ok. She was so excited by all
of this when she finally said: "I'm ready to go to the cash register". I could
hardly contain myself when I blurted out: "No, honey I don't feel like buying
all this stuff now." You should have seen her face......it went completely
blank. I then said, "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a
while". And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me I added,
"You must not be in tune with my financial needs as a Man". I figure that I
won't be having sex again until sometime after the spring of 2016.

Funny Jokes