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4.16.2008

Tax Joke

The attitude of Congress toward hidden taxes is
not to do away with them, but to hide them better.

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4.06.2008

Funny Jokes

THE FIVE SECRETS OF A PERFECT RELATIONSHIP.....

1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, who cleans up and who has a job.

2. It's important to have a woman who can make you laugh.

3. It's important to have a woman who you can trust and who doesn't lie to you.

4. It's important to have a woman who is good in bed and who likes to be with you.

5. It's very, very important that these four women don't know each other.

Cucumber Salad Recipes

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4.05.2008

Funny Quotes - Insults

Why, this fellow don't know any more about politics than a pig knows about Sunday.
- Harry S Truman (about Dwight D. Eisenhower)



Love Quotes

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Funny Quotes - Insults

He knows so little and knows it so fluently.
- Ellen Glasgow



Jokes

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Despite what you may have seen on the streets, the following combinations DO NOT go together for people over 50:

1. A nose ring and bifocals

2. Spiked hair and bald spots

3. A pierced tongue and dentures

4. Miniskirts and support hose

5. Ankle bracelets and corn pads

6. Speedos and cellulite

7. A belly button ring and a gall bladder surgery scar

8. Unbuttoned disco shirts and a heart monitor

9. Midriff shirts and a midriff bulge

10. Bikinis and liver spots

11. Short shorts and varicose veins

12. In-line skates and a walker

Benefits of Advertising

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Funny Jokes - Silly Jokes

I believe Dr. Kevorkian is onto something. I think hes great. Because suicide is our way of saying to God, "You cant fire me. I quit." - Bill Maher



Restaurant Reviews

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4.04.2008

Funny Quotes - Insults

He'd make a lovely corpse.
- Charles Dickens



East Valley

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Two guys are moving about in a Wal-Mart when their carts collide. One says to the other, "Excuse me, but I'm looking for my wife."

"What a coincidence, so am I, and I'm getting a little desperate."

"Well, maybe I can help you. What does your wife look like?"

"She's tall, with dark hair, long legs, firm boobs, and a tight ass. What's your wife look like?"

"Never mind, let's look for yours!"

Arizona Advertising

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I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.
- Douglas Adams

Quotes

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Funny Quotes - Insults

He makes a July's day short as December.
- William Shakespeare



Bill Austin

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It Could Happen.....

A blonde female police officer pulls over a blonde gal, in a convertible sports car, for speeding. She walks up to the car and asks the blond for her driver's license. The blonde convertible driver searches through her purse, in vain. Finally she asks, "What does it look like?" The blonde police officer tells her, "It's that thing with your picture on it." The blonde driver searches for a few more seconds, pulls out her compact, opens it, and sure enough sees herself. She hands the compact to the blonde cop.

After a few seconds looking at the compact, the blonde cop rolls her eyes, hands the compact back to the blonde convertible driver and says, "If you would have told me you were a police officer when I first pulled you over we could have avoided this whole thing."



Quotes

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Funny Quotes - Insults

God was bored by him.
- Victor Hugo



Recipes

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Marketing 101

Several friends have asked for an explanation of Marketing. Perhaps the following examples will help clear it up:

You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and say, "I'm fantastic in bed." That's Direct Marketing.

You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a handsome guy. One of your friends goes up to him and pointing at you says, "She's fantastic in bed." That's Advertising.

You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and get his telephone number. The next day you call and say, "Hi, I'm fantastic in bed." That's Telemarketing.

You're at a party and see a handsome guy. You get up and straighten your dress. You walk up to him and pour him a drink. You say, "May I?" and reach up to straighten his tie brushing your breast lightly against his arm, and then say, "By the way, I'm fantastic in bed." That's Public Relations.

You're at a party and see a handsome guy. He walks up to you and says, "I hear you're fantastic in bed." That's Brand Recognition.

You're at a party and see a handsome guy. You talk him into going home with your friend. That's a Sales Rep.

Your friend can't satisfy him so he calls you. That's Tech Support.

You're on your way to a party when you realize that there could be handsome men in all these houses you're passing. So you climb onto the roof of one situated toward the center and shout at the top of your lungs, "I'm fantastic in bed!" That's Spam.



Famous Quotes

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Funny Quotes - Insults

What has a tiny brain, a big mouth, and an opinion nobody cares about? You!
- from Murphy Brown



Famous Quotes

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Wackiest Warning Labels Ever

* A popular manufactured fireplace log warns: "Caution: Risk of Fire."

* A box of birthday cake candles says: "DO NOT use soft wax as ear plugs or for any other function that involves insertion into a body cavity."

* "Do not use snow blower on the roof."

* "Do not allow children to play in the dishwasher."

Famous Sayings

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Despite what you may have seen on the streets, the following combinations DO NOT go together for people over 50:

1. A nose ring and bifocals

2. Spiked hair and bald spots

3. A pierced tongue and dentures

4. Miniskirts and support hose

5. Ankle bracelets and corn pads

6. Speedos and cellulite

7. A belly button ring and a gall bladder surgery scar

8. Unbuttoned disco shirts and a heart monitor

9. Midriff shirts and a midriff bulge

10. Bikinis and liver spots

11. Short shorts and varicose veins

12. In-line skates and a walker

Quotes and Sayings

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Funny Quotes - Insults

She tells enough white lies to ice a wedding cake.
- Margot Asquith



Bikers Against Diabetes

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Catholic mothers

Four Catholic ladies are having coffee together, discussing how important their children are.

The first one tells her friends, "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."

The second Catholic woman chirps, "Well, my son is a bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, 'Your Grace'."

The third Catholic woman says smugly, "Well, not to put you down, but my son is a cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say 'Your Eminence'."

The fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence. The first three women give her this subtle "Well...?" She replies, "My son is a gorgeous, 6' 2", hard bodied, well-hung, male stripper. Whenever he walks into a room, women say, "My God...."



Rip's BAD Ride

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