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2.28.2009

Funny Office Joke

True To Form

Memo No. 1:
Effective immediately, the company is adopting Fridays as
Casual Day so that employees may express their diversity.

Memo No. 2:
Spandex and leather micro-miniskirts are not appropriate attire for
Casual Day. Neither are string ties, rodeo belt buckles or moccasins.

Memo No. 3:
Casual Day refers to dress only, not attitude. When planning
Friday's wardrobe, remember image is a key to our success.

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2.27.2009

Funny Joke

I was out splitting and cutting firewood most of the morning Sunday, so I
took the afternoon off, plunked myself down in front of the teevee, and
spent all the ding-dong day watching football.... so much so, I fell asleep
watching the late game and spent the whole night in my chair.

This morning, MrsPBen woke me up: "Get up dear," she said, "it's 20 to 6."

Instantly alert, I jumped up and asked, "Who's ahead?!?"

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2.26.2009

Funny Computer Joke

FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION! (it comes bundled with the software).

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2.25.2009

Funny Physics Joke

A college physics professor was explaining a particularly complicated
concept to his class when a pre-med student interrupted him.

"Why do we have to learn this stuff?" one young man blurted out.

"To save lives," the professor responded before continuing the lecture.

A few minutes later the student spoke up again. "So how does physics
save lives?"

The professor stared at the student for a long time without saying a
word. Finally the professor continued.

"Physics saves lives," he said, "because it keeps certain people out of
medical school."

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2.20.2009

Famous Joke

When my three-year-old son opened the birthday gift from his
grandmother and found a water pistol. He squealed with de-
light and headed for the nearest sink.
I was not so pleased.

I turned to Mom and said, "I'm surprised at you. Don't you
remember how we used to drive you crazy with water guns?"

Mom smiled and then replied, "I remember."

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2.12.2009

Funny Marriage Joke

Three men married wives from different states.

The first man married a woman from Michigan . He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.

The second man married a woman from Missouri . He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done and there was a huge dinner on the table.

The third man married a girl from Pennsylvania . He ordered her to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal.

He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher.
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2.08.2009

Funny Jokes

The college football player knew his way around the locker
room better than he did the library, so when my husband's
co-worker saw the gridiron star roaming the stacks looking
confused, she asked how she could help.

"I have to read a play by Shakespeare," he said.

"Which one?" she asked.

He scanned the shelves and answered, "William."
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2.07.2009

Famous Joke

Dental Work

A guy went to his dentist for a checkup, and the dentist saw that his dental
plate was all corroded.

The dentist asked, "What have you been doing? Have you changed your diet or
anything?"

The patient said, "I've discovered Hollandaise sauce and eat it every chance
I get. Maybe that's what's causing the problem."

The dentist answered, "Oh, I see. In that case, I'll make you a new plate
out of chrome."

The patient was puzzled. "Chrome? Why chrome?" he asked.

The dentist answered, "Because there's no plate like chrome for the
Hollandaise."

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2.06.2009

Funny Joke

Muldoon's dog died

Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company. One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, 'Father, my dog is dead. Could ya' be saying' a mass for the poor creature?'

Father Patrick replied, 'I'm afraid not; we cannot have services for an animal in the church. But there are some Baptists down the lane, and there's no tellin' what they believe. Maybe they'll do something for the creature.'

Muldoon said, 'I'll go right away Father. Do ya' think $5,000 is enough to donate to them for the service?'

Father Patrick exclaimed, 'Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn't ya tell me the dog was Catholic!?

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2.05.2009

Funny Bush Joke

[President] Bush, in full campaign mode, called Kerry's
statement "shameful," asserting that "education has nothing
to do with whether you serve your country in time of war --
everybody knows it really depends on who your Daddy is."
- SatiricalPolitical.com

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