Funny Jokes

A Stork's Tale

Two storks are sitting in their nest: a father stork and baby stork.
The baby stork is crying and crying and father stork is trying to calm
him. "Don't worry, son. Your mother will come back. She's only bringing
people babies and making them happy."

The next night, it's father's turn to do the job. Mother and son are
sitting in the nest, the baby stork is crying, and mother is saying
"Son, your father will be back as soon as possible, but now he's
bringing joy to new mommies and daddies."

A few days later, the stork's parents are desperate: their son is
absent from the nest all night! Shortly before dawn, he returns and the
parents ask him where he's been all night.

The baby stork says, "Oh, just scaring the crap out of college
students!"


Funny Jokes -

Funny Jokes

A unit of soldiers was marching a long dusty march across the
rolling prairie. It was a hot blistering day and the men, longing
for water and rest, were impatient to reach the next town.

A rancher rode past. "Say, friend", called out one of the men,
"how far is it to the next town?"

"Oh, a matter of two miles or so, I reckon," called back the
rancher.

Another long hour dragged by, and another rancher was encountered.

"How far to the next town?" the men asked him eagerly.

"Oh, a good two miles." was his reply.

After nearly another hour longer of marching, a third rancher came
along. "Hey, how far's the next town?" the tired men asked him.

"Not far," was the encouraging answer, "it's only about two miles."

"Well," sighed one of the marchers, "at least we're holding our
own!"


Funny Jokes -

Funny Do Not Touch Joke

Do Not Touch!

Our supply clerk at the factory was in a dither. A box had been left on the loading dock with this warning printed on it: "Danger! Do Not Touch!"

Management was called, and we were told to stay clear of the box until it could be analyzed. When the foreman arrived, he donned safety goggles and gloves, and then he carefully opened the box.

Inside were 25 signs that read: Danger! Do Not Touch!

Funny Jokes -

Funny Sailboat Joke

Capsized Sailboat

Did you hear about the lawyer on vacation whose sailboat capsized in dangerous, shark-infested waters?

He surprised his traveling companions by volunteering to swim to the far-off shore for help. As he swam, his companions were startled by the appearance of two dorsal fins -- great white sharks, heading straight toward the lawyer.

To their surprise, the sharks allowed the lawyer to take hold of their fins, and escorted him safely to shore.

When the lawyer returned with help, his companions asked him how he had managed such an incredible feat. The lawyer answered, "Professional courtesy."


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Funny Joke

Appearances...

Mildred, the church gossip, and self-appointed monitor of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose in to other people's business. Several members did not approve of her extra curricular activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence.

She made a mistake, however, when she accused Elmer, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup parked in front of the town's only bar one afternoon. She emphatically told Elmer (and several others) that everyone seeing it there would know exactly what he was doing!

Elmer, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just turned and walked away. He didn't explain, defend, or deny... he said nothing.

Later that evening, Elmer quietly parked his pickup in front of Mildred's house... walked home... and left it there all night.


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Famous Joke

When my three-year-old son opened the birthday gift from his
grandmother and found a water pistol. He squealed with de-
light and headed for the nearest sink.
I was not so pleased.

I turned to Mom and said, "I'm surprised at you. Don't you
remember how we used to drive you crazy with water guns?"

Mom smiled and then replied, "I remember."

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Famous Joke

Dental Work

A guy went to his dentist for a checkup, and the dentist saw that his dental
plate was all corroded.

The dentist asked, "What have you been doing? Have you changed your diet or
anything?"

The patient said, "I've discovered Hollandaise sauce and eat it every chance
I get. Maybe that's what's causing the problem."

The dentist answered, "Oh, I see. In that case, I'll make you a new plate
out of chrome."

The patient was puzzled. "Chrome? Why chrome?" he asked.

The dentist answered, "Because there's no plate like chrome for the
Hollandaise."

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Funny Joke

Muldoon's dog died

Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company. One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, 'Father, my dog is dead. Could ya' be saying' a mass for the poor creature?'

Father Patrick replied, 'I'm afraid not; we cannot have services for an animal in the church. But there are some Baptists down the lane, and there's no tellin' what they believe. Maybe they'll do something for the creature.'

Muldoon said, 'I'll go right away Father. Do ya' think $5,000 is enough to donate to them for the service?'

Father Patrick exclaimed, 'Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn't ya tell me the dog was Catholic!?

Funny Jokes -

Tax Joke

The attitude of Congress toward hidden taxes is
not to do away with them, but to hide them better.

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